Sketch - Alastair darling and the Economy

Gordon Brown and Alastair Darling are sitting at a desk in Gordon's office discussing the current economic issues.

GB
What are you going to do about the economy Alastair we need to see some growth this quarter, what plans do you have to achieve this?

ALASTAIR
At this moment I am working on one or two scheme's.

GB
Is it one or two Alastair for Christs sake, the fact that you can't differentiate between 'one' and 'two' as a Chancellor causes me great concern, your meant to be an economist!

ALASTAIR
It's one.

GB
So your scheme's have been trimmed by fifty per cent, just like that? What's the scheme then?

ALASTAIR
My aim is to encourage spending.

GB
Oh hallelujah, we're saved, sorted - how the f**k are you going to do it you numerically defunct pillock?

ALASTAIR
The scheme involves large articulated lorries with mini versions of the high street on the back of them, and we are going to park them up in every residential street up and down the land, that way shops are in consumers facesday and night.

GB
Oh good lord, I employ you for this? Jesus you are one idea away from the sack do you know that?

ALASTAIR
Look, I'm doing my best here, and to be fair, at this moment I am metaphorically wiping your arse, this is your mess.

GB
Yes, your wiping my arse alright, and cleaning the tissue on my suit! If I gave you an egg, you'd come back with a shell.

ALASTAIR
WAIT! I've got it, I don't believe it, I'm a genius.

GB
I don't believe it either, tell me what is this moment of genius?

ALASTAIR
I read today, that if you give a cow a name, and show it some loving, it produces 250 liters more a year so why don't we name the economy 'Gertrude' and with any luck it it too will increase it's output!

Gordon looks stunned and extremely angry.

GB
Alastair, if you are still in front of me by the time I open my eyes I am going remove every shred of skin from your body and throw you in a vat of vinegar - NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE.

END

thanks very much

Micrological,

It looks very promising to me. I would just say a few things which you can take or leave.

Alistair Darling's scheme has a grocer's apostrophe. Whereas Christ has lost one of his, and he only had twelve to begin with. Or was that disciples? Anyway enough of the pedantic nit picking.

I'm not so keen on sketches that jump into effing and blinding but that's a personal thing, nevertheless I think the end could do to be a bit stronger - something along the lines of:

ALISTAIR:
Oh Prime Minister, I love it when you take charge. Perhaps I can report some growth after all.

That'll tie it back to the beginning of the sketch.

You could put it some references to Alistair raising an eyebrow or, if you want to be really crude, a reference to what Gordon Brown's mouth looks like it's puckering up for.

You might also put in something along the lines of:

ALISTAIR: Credit where it's due.

GORDON: That's the problem .....

Just a few of my thoughts, I hope it helps.

RedKev

RedKev

Thanks very much for your thoughts, and yes my apostrophe error is unforgiveable!

Re ending, yup point taken, and may well utilise your input to end it.

Thanks again

sean

Quote: Micrological @ January 30 2009, 4:02 AM GMT

thanks very much

View original

Oi! Micrological! There's many a person put stuff up on Critique and got nowt back ever, never mind within half a day. Be patient and polite! And if you are after particular feedback, ask in the original posting.

Anyway, since you asked nicely...

I thought it started slowly and a lot of the early dialogue can be trimmed with no loss of joke. The grocer's apostrophe is just one of several grammatical errors, and this sort of thing doesn't help.

But it does pick up, and in contrast to Red Kev I liked the escalation of vitriol from GB. The cow gag is really the best thing in it for me, so I'd be tempted to quit as soon as possible after that with a secondary flourish on the same theme if you can think of one. I know I can't.

Hope all that helps.

Thanks Badge!

I'll be patient from now on! Re grammar, yup I appreciate that, was a bit tipsy when I typed it up so please excuse in this instance!

I think you are right, I re-read it and it can be trimmed quite a bit with no loss of gag.

Thanks for your comments

Sean