Thordox has never written stand-up before, and Thordox understands that he's been somewhat rash in his critisism of others, so to clean the slate Thordox has posted a stand-up routine, and Thordox understands that the response might not be to Thordox's liking. Thordox has thick skin. Thordox is not so vitriolic as has been mentioned, but understands that vitriol is a dirty, dirty word, and Thordox's application of vitriol was unnecessary, and frankly un-Thordoxlike.
--
Thordox enters stage left. Thordox continues walking and exits stage right. There is a pause until the chuckling subsides. Thordox returns. Thordox speaks.
"Good evening, I'm Simon Thordox. Many people say to me, 'Simon Thordox', what an unusual name, and I say, 'Simon's not that unusual'!
(Pause for laughter)
I'm not very glad to be here tonight as Norwich is a dump. That said, I used to live with Stig Of The Dump, and his bedroom was terrible!
(Pause)
You're probably waiting for me to tell a joke, and Simon Thordox indeed has many jokes. What do you call Tony Blair? - George Bush's poodle.
(Pause for laughter)
What do you call Desmond Tutu? The late Archbishop Elengwa Mosububu's poodle.
(Pause for laughter)
What do you call Simon Thordox? Marlene Thordox's poodle.
(Thordox laughs)
Of course I'm joking - Marlene wouldn't dare cross Thordox.
(Long pause for laughter)
So do you now what gets on Thordox's nipples more than anything?
(Pause as someone shouts "What Thordox?")
Jeremy Clarkson.
(Topical chuckling but no pause)
I read his column in The Sun, which doesn't represent a continuing nuclear process at all so I might actually sue them, and I get very angry - Clarkson doesn't know what he's talking about!
(Thordox quickly puts on a white, curly wig)
Who am I? - Tony Blair - woof woof - or an old Jeremy Clarkson - they're about the same thing really!
(Thordox bows and leaves stage left, comes back, quickly bows, then leaves stage right)
--
It's an early draft - and of course Thordox realises that Norwich could be substituted for another town/city/area, such as Colchester, Aldershot or possibly Wigan. Thordox says thanks.
