Bank Twist

Bank Twist

3 "children" are sat around a table each with a bowl with a spoon. They are a fat boy called bank , a girl called retail and another girl called manufacturing. Alistair Darling is stood at the other end.

The boy stands and walks to the front, holding his bowl out in front of him.

AD : What do you want Bank?

Holds bowl upwards.

Bank : Please Mr Darling sir, I want more!

The girls gasp in horror! Retail leaps up.

Retail : More? But we haven't had anything yet!

AD: Sit down Retail.

Retail : But Mr Darling.

AD: Sit down, you're in enough trouble. All of those 1000's of people you've brought to my workhouse recently – how I'm expect to cope ?

Retail sits down.

Bank : Mr Darling, I want more sir!

Manufacturing leaps up.

Manufacturing : It's not fair Sir.

Darling. What's not fair Manufacturing?

Manufacturing : Bank. Getting more Sir! He's already had a big portion.

Darling : Don't comment on the size of Bank's portion.

Manufacturing : Why not?

Darling : You know he has a complex about the size of his portion– that's why he drives so many Ferraris and Aston Martin's, to umm umm compensate

Manufacturing : But look at him, he's spent the last ten years taking all he can from me and Retail that's why he's so f**king fat!

Retail leaps up again.

Retail : Don't give him anymore. We need some too!

Bank :Mr Darling, please Sir, I'm so important Sir.

Darling : If I do give you more Bank do you promise to lead some to Manufacturing and Retail and not keep it all yourself this time?

Retail holds up doll.

Retails : And don't forget little small business here. He's desperate!

Bank : Mr Darling, I understand my very important role here. I am very responsible, trustworthy, honest and full of integrity. I will certainly lend whatever I can.

Darling : There you go then Bank.

Darling gets a large ladle and fills up Banks bowl with money

Bank : Thank you Mr Darling.

Bank returns to his seat, his mobile phone rings, he answers.

Bank : Hello? Yes! It worked. Silly old f**ker bought it left, right and centre.

Retail and Manufacturing hold out their bowls.

Bank : What the f**k are you two looking at? This lot is going on champagne, fast women an shiny cars! Now just piss off.

I like it but it probably needs a better punch. It's fairly obvious what Bank will end up doing.

Maybe Joe Public could turn up at the end and get screwed over by everyone?

Quote: Badge @ January 27 2009, 7:02 PM GMT

I like it but it probably needs a better punch. It's fairly obvious what Bank will end up doing.

Maybe Joe Public could turn up at the end and get screwed over by everyone?

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Yeah that was my worry. Only thing is, writing with TS/NR in mind I've run out of actors! Which is why I normally only write a 2 or 3 person sketch so I have someone else up my sleeve at the end.

Quote: bigfella @ January 27 2009, 7:31 PM GMT

Yeah that was my worry. Only thing is, writing with TS/NR in mind I've run out of actors! Which is why I normally only write a 2 or 3 person sketch so I have someone else up my sleeve at the end.

View original

Have them off stage at the end, or do it as a phone call from the sidelines.

Hows this for a different ending? - Thanks Badge

Bank : Thank you Mr Darling.

Bank returns to his seat.
Retail and Manufacturing hold out their bowls.

Bank : What the f**k are you two looking at? Piss off. All this is mine and I ain't leading you a penny.

Bank points

Bank : Oh look there's little Tax Payer over there, I'm going to f**k him over. This is one that you two can join in on, come on. You coming Mr Darling?

Darling : Not half!

Everyone runs off the stage screaming and shouting.

Any sketch that ends up with the cast running off screaming and shouting to f**k someone over gets my vote.

Taxpayer is much better than Joe Public as well.