Some Quick Sketchs

Here's some quick, not a lot of thought going into them, sketches for you all to feel free to rip to shreads.

Scene 1. EXT. Day - Rapunzel's castle
A PRINCE APPROACHES THE CASTLE.
PRINCE:
Rapunzel, rapunzel, throw down your hair.
RESPUNSAL THROWS DOWN HER HAIR AS SUCH A PACE THAT IT KNOCK THE PRINCE UNCONSCIOUS WHEN IT HITS HIM.

SCENE 2. INT. Day
IT'S A TALK SHOW. THE HOST IS TALKING TO A ROCK STAR. THE ROCK STAR IS NOT SITTING PROPERLY.
ROCK STAR:
And that's how I ended up tied to the bed while hookers slapped me with drug filled fish
HOST:
I actually asked you when your next album is coming out.
ROCK STAR:
I'm going to take my trousers off now.
THE ROCK STAR GETS UP AND STARTS TAKING HIS TROUSERS OFF.

SCENE 3. INT. NIGHT - operating theatre
THE FILLING FROM A SURGEON'S SANDWICH FALLS INTO THE OPEN BODY OF THE PATIENT.
SURGEON:
Opps. Good thing I'm not a real doctor or that would have been embarrassing.

Scene 4. Int. day - police station.
A COP IS QUESTIONING A SUSPECT.
COP:
You killed him, didn't you?
SUSPECT:
Yeah, I killed him
COP:
I knew it was you. (BEAT) Ever since I read your confession. However, your confession doesn't state why you killed him.
SUSPECT:
I had no alternative. (BEAT) He annoyed me.
COP:
Really? (sympathetic) Okay, fair enough. You can go now.

SCENE 5. EXT. DAY - RAPUNZEL'S CASTLE
A PRINCE APPROACHES THE CASTLE.
PRINCE:
Rapunzel, rapunzel, throw down your hair.
REVEAL RAPUNZEL WITH SHORT HAIR, SHRUGGING HER SHOULDERS

SCENE 6. INT. EVENING
A TEENAGER RETURNS HOME. MUM ANSWERS THE DOOR.
MUM:
Hi. Well, I've had a busy day. I hoovered the whole house. I ironed a huge stack of clothes. I cooked the dinner and I painted the living room. Oh yeah, I also brutally murdered your father.
REVEAL DAD SITTING ON THE COUCH WITH AN AXE IN HIS HEAD.

Well, well, Earman, I really like coneyorbelt belt humour. Although the targets were indiscriminate, I think you just about hit the mark every time. I liked the 'Operating Theatre' sketch because it’s a bottomless pit of potential humour without being too self-serving like Harry Enfield.

The humour is fast and irreverent and I think you should be writing, if not filming, a pilot. Your style is pitched perfectly for a family audience that wants to laugh and groan without the profanity. Who knows, this could be just the kind of comedy that Michael Grade would look at in his quest to make the ITV network watchable.

I'm not saying that what you've written is the Holy Grail - after all, comedy is so subjective - but I think your style is fresh enough and cost-effective to make those that matter take notice.

Oh, and just as an aside, could you please double space next time to take into account age and self-abuse.

Yes - I agree. All fairly good quickies which could lead onto several recurring ideas.

Thanks for the comments.

Quote: Baumski @ July 15, 2007, 2:58 PM

Oh, and just as an aside, could you please double space next time to take into account age and self-abuse.

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Sorry, I didn't check how the formatting looked after I posted it. It was copied and pasted from celtx. It looked fine on there.

I liked 2,3 and 5. You've got something going there. Keep it up.

Can't be quite as positive but 4 did certainly make me smile

yeah, the 4th one was quality

I really like the 3rd one, Earman.

Cheers folks!

I like them Aural Person.

Rapunzel Rapunzel. Let down your hair.

I'm afraid she's gone out with some knights. Can I take a message?

Yey Earmon. I thoroughly enjoyed.

Me too Earman. Particularly the third one lol.

Quote: Wildjesusfishkid @ July 16, 2007, 6:13 PM

I like them Aural Person.

Rapunzel Rapunzel. Let down your hair.

I'm afraid she's gone out with some knights. Can I take a message?

View original

Thanks everyone!