Not all that topical this one!!!
The Virgin(ish) Queen
The Earl of Leicester has been summoned to the presence of Elizabeth 1.
Leicester is wearing a massive cod piece.
E : Ah, the Lord Leicester.
L : Your Majesty.
E : I expect you know why you are here?
L : I would not dare assume.
E : I need a damn good seeing to.
L: Excuse me Majesty?
E : A right royal rogering!
L : Majesty?
E : For God's sake man! A good hard shag!
L: But you're the Virgin Queen.
E: Purely a metaphorical title.
L: You mean?
Elizabeth, starts stroke Leicester's chest.
E: Of course man. I'm a Tudor. I've been in more beds than a daffodil!
Elizabeth looks down at Leicester's cod piece.
E: And there is something about you that has caught my eye! Big boy.
L: But majesty. I would not dream of such a thing with your royal person.
E : Hush your tongue my Lord. It will need to be active, later!
Leicester looks horrified.
E : Don't worry, I have only recently had my annual bath.
L : How recently?
E : Last Autumn.
L : Well, if it's all the same to you Majesty I'd rather......
E : Leicester, the executioner is not all that busy this morning!
L : Well if you put it like that your Majesty. Shall we?
Leicester grabs his cod piece. Elizabeth starts stoking his chest again.
Leicester breaks away.
L : Just one thing Your Majesty they say you have the heart and stomach of a King. Umm...are you sure that nothing else down there is like a King's.
Elizabeth laughs and pushes out her breasts
E : Leicester I have the finest pair of tits in the whole of England.
Everything, is as it should be! Quick hold me! I am the daughter of King Henry VIII, I share his traits, the red hair – top and tail! The love. The passion! The syphilis!
L: Syphilis?
Leicester starts to walk off stage.
L : Executioner! Room for one more!
Yeah think you may be right