The Flower show

Hi,

This is my attempt at writing something with a story. I've written four 1 minute episodes of a web-series. It's about two flowers sharing a pot (Exciting subject I know!). This is the opening episode, the first meeting of Rodney and Daisy. Please let me know what you think, I haven't committed to making this yet so you might save me a lot of time!

INT. Window Sill WITH A FLOWER POT ON.
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Close-up on Rodney the flower who is sleeping, we hear him snoring, we can't see any other flowers. Something wakes him up as if he's felt something.

RODNEY
(To himself) That's weird, my roots feel all dry and...

Camera pans out, Rodney's startled as we see another flower in with him.

RODNEY
What in the name of...

DAISY
(Upbeat and Happy!) Hello! I'm Daisy.

RODNEY
I don't care if you're Alan Flipping Titchmarsh! What are you doing in my Pot?

DAISY
Um, who's he?

RODNEY
Never mind that! Explain yourself!

DAISY
Oh right. Well, while you were asleep my pot fell on the floor and smashed!!! So Green Fingers moved me here.

RODNEY
No. No. This is completely unacceptable! Do you know who I am?

DAISY
Ooh! A guessing game. Ummm. Are you Alan Flipping Titchmarsh?

RODNEY
No! (Very Proudly) I'm Rodney!

Blank stare from Daisy.

RODNEY
I'm a prize winning Kris-anth-a, Kris-nan, Kris-anth...(PAUSE) I'm a prize winning Flower! I've won awards at all the major horticultural events.

DAISY
Wow! Impressive!

RODNEY
Yes, I bloody well am! So if you think I'm going to root down with a common house-hold flower like you, then you are sadly mistaken.

DAISY
Now you listen to me you arrogant moon-faced freak! I'm not exactly chuffed to be here myself!

Closing music kicks in, screen fades out with the sound of them still arguing.

And this is where I'm upto on episode 4. They've had big arguments in episodes 2 and 3 but with little signs that they're starting to get on. In episode 4 Daisy decides to leave.

INT. Window Sill WITH A FLOWER POT ON.
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Opening shot of Rodney who's getting nudged by Daisy's activity.

RODNEY
Will you stop fidgeting?!

DAISY
(Still struggling)
Rodney. I've decided to make a break for it. If I can wiggle my roots free, I reckon I can drag myself along by my face to that Green House in the garden.

RODNEY
You're... leaving?!

DAISY
It's become very clear that I'm not wanted around here.

RODNEY
What gave you that idea?

DAISY
Oh I dunno. It might have been yesterday when you said I was a nutrient sucking sponge who terrorized the soil like a biblical curse.

RODNEY
(Pretending not to remember)
Did I say that?

DAISY
Or maybe it was the time you said that waking up next to me made you sick to your stalk!

RODNEY
Are you sure this was me?

DAISY
Or the time you said...

Rodney interrupts.

RODNEY
Ok, Ok. I suppose I may have been slightly harsh in the past.

DAISY
Slightly!

RODNEY
Alright, massively. But, I don't think you should leave.

DAISY
Why not?

RODNEY
Well, because despite your whining, I do quite like having you around.

Daisy thinks it over.

DAISY
Ok I'll stay. But only if you promise not be such a butt-head in future.

RODNEY
I promise.

DAISY
So you actually enjoy my company then?

RODNEY
Let's just say you're starting to grow on me.

DAISY
Awww, that's sweet!

Fade out to credits, music kicks in and we hear them still talking.

RODNEY
No, I mean literally! You're roots are growing all over mine! What's the deal with that?

DAISY
Oh Sorry.

RODNEY
I don't know where I begin and you end.

DAISY
(Giggly)
Ooh. That sounds rude!

Anyway, hope you like.

I do like it Master Pie. I thought it was well written and kept nice and simple.

I think it would make for a very nice web series and place in your portfolio.

I hope Daisy remains innocent and a bit daft.

Quaint and charming. Quite quite charming.

Hehe nice dialogue, lighthearted fun

That's quite nice.

Thanks everyone That was exactly the feel I was going for with this series. Light-hearted/British Pixar-ish were my aims. One of my doubts though is I'm not sure if there'll be an audience for it on the Internet. It's not really hip (Do the kids still say hip?)

Yeah Daisy will hopefully stay a bit daft and innocent but I want her to be a bit feisty too. I'm not used to writing female characters, I found it quite hard to be honest.

It's a lovely idea but if I were you I'd drop any adult overtones in there - given the subject matter the word "bloody" seemed out of place and the sex reference too.

But seriously mate - I'd write up an episode of this, maybe set in a greenhouse with other funny talking plant characters / veg etc, sling in a baddy weed and sell it to CBeebies. You could call it Veggiemates or something.

I like it but I can't help thinking of Bill and Ben.

Quote: Badge @ January 24 2009, 6:21 PM GMT

I like it but I can't help thinking of Bill and Ben.

View original

The Flower Pot Men?

Quote: Lee Henman @ January 24 2009, 6:15 PM GMT

It's a lovely idea but if I were you I'd drop any adult overtones in there - given the subject matter the word "bloody" seemed out of place and the sex reference too.

But seriously mate - I'd write up an episode of this, maybe set in a greenhouse with other funny talking plant characters / veg etc, sling in a baddy weed and sell it to CBeebies. You could call it Veggiemates or something.

View original

Thanks Lee. Yeah I think the sex reference at the end is out of place now you mention it. I was hoping I could get away with it as it might go over kids heads but it's not worth attempting sex jokes.

Hmmm, I just thought "bloody" should be replaced with "blooming" for pun purposes anyway! But even then I wouldn't know if calling someone a Blooming Idiot was acceptable on CBeebies and if not then I maybe better at writing for a slightly older audience. Thanks for the Veggiemates suggestion, I will do a bit of research into what's acceptable.

Quote: Badge @ January 24 2009, 6:21 PM GMT

I like it but I can't help thinking of Bill and Ben.

View original

Thanks Badge, I've never actually seen the flower pot men other than on a top 100 kids shows programme. And even then I fast forwarded though it as I was looking for Scooby Doo! I will YouTube them.

Quote: Lee Henman @ January 24 2009, 6:15 PM GMT

It's a lovely idea but if I were you I'd drop any adult overtones in there - given the subject matter the word "bloody" seemed out of place and the sex reference too.

But seriously mate - I'd write up an episode of this, maybe set in a greenhouse with other funny talking plant characters / veg etc, sling in a baddy weed and sell it to CBeebies. You could call it Veggiemates or something.

View original

Absolutely right Lee, it's very good but 2 flowers talking about being a pot plant could run out of material soonish.
How about radical rosebush who sees Bill and Ben as the Love Thy Neighbour of the flower world?
The resentful radish, don't know what you're complaining about you you don't get eaten!

Maybe even a lusty bee trying to pollinate them with sleazy chat up lines?

Or the evil fly-catcher. Or one that only blooms for a week a year and spends the rest of the year pining for this.

Think there's enough characters/themes you could introduce to keep it going for a good few episodes and liven it up. But their inability to move means you might have to be clever in introducing new situations

Has Rodney got a big bumblebee?

Quote: sootyj @ January 25 2009, 10:35 AM GMT

Maybe even a lusty bee trying to pollinate them with sleazy chat up lines?

View original

Haha, I like that. Early on I did think that a Bee could pollinate them and then leave and they'd be left with an awkward "Did we just have sex?" moment. But that was before I lowered the age range of the target audience.

Quote: Rob0 @ January 25 2009, 11:39 AM GMT

Or the evil fly-catcher. Or one that only blooms for a week a year and spends the rest of the year pining for this.

View original

Yeah the Venus fly trap would make a great villain. Maybe a couple of Cactus henchmen. "Bill and Ben the Cactus Henchmen".

Quote: Rob0 @ January 25 2009, 11:39 AM GMT

But their inability to move means you might have to be clever in introducing new situations

View original

Yeah this came up as a problem even when trying to write 4 x 1minutes! Possibly they could hop like the baby Pixar lamp. This would be my first ever 3D animation so I wanted to keep with simple characters and you can't get more simple than big heads on sticks.

Thanks for the comments everyone, I was doubting whether to continue but I'm encouraged by the feedback.

The idea of a couple of co-habiting flowers is a good one but a real challenge in terms of creating a story, let alone a series. I think Lee's right to suggest broadening your family of characters. You might dismiss it as contaminating the purity of your concept but writing a series of two-handers for inanimate characters is about as challenging a writing assignment as it gets. It reminds me of Linehan and Matthews talking about an episode of Ted that never was. In it they had Ted and Dougal trapped on the top deck of a bus by a vicious dog. It ended up being two characters bantering for half an hour. Needless to say, they couldn't for the life of them make it work.

Going on what you've written here I get the impression that you're already struggling to create plot. Your first episode has a total lack of a third act for instance. Would a Pixar short fade to black in the middle of an argument? I know they're meant to be part of a series but wouldn't your stories be more satisying if they offered some sort of resolution at the end of each episode? And you're saying you have two more episodes of arguing before either of your characters even contemplates altering the path of their destiny? I hear warning bells all over that.