Stand-Up Help

Right since I've been doing stand-up I've been looking for a 'killer finish'. I currently do a self-depricating set on how rubbish I am with with women (not based on fact at all

At the moment I am extremely happeneing with my opening line as it gets one of my biggest laughs

"I know what you're thinking, somewhere in this building there's a computer that needs fixing"

and anyone who's seen me knows why that works. It basically a set-up for some gags further on.

"People have suggested internet dating but the main problem is I don't find computers attractive". "I joined match.com, well as I said I am rubbish with computers, I actually joined colourmatch.com and although I didn't get many dates apparently I am a 99% match for dulux's pale gibbon".

What I am trying to come up with is a way to tie these alogether for a killer close. My set ends with me discussing various courses I went on to meet women, the current closer being,

"I went on a sign language course, but I can't talk about that."

Which always gets an okay re-action, but want a killer ending. Which given the context would be something like "I went on a Computer Course... but\and".

Any help appreciated, please PM or reply with ideas...

An early gig can be seen here My first gig

I went computer speed dating but my processor was to slow.

I went computer speed dating, I thought I was the apple mac daddy, but she told me to goto Dell.

I went to a computer course, turns out it was a course computer.
I tried to download windows and it told me to f**k off.

You're funny.

Why thank you and you're a great film maker. I've just been doing 118 118 so long it's melted parts of my brain.

I told my date I was like Windows milenium,
sophisticated she asked?
No I always go down on the first date.

It's important to remember it's an applemac, not a satsumamac, not a banana mac
My date had an airbooklite, I said she had a nice pair and could I put a dongle in it.
She slapped me.

I went to this computer course. Richard Gere was there. You should have seen what he was doing with his mouse.

I went on a computer course I knew about ROM and RAM, but they told us how to get a shiny happy keyboard, it was REM.

Quote: sootyj @ January 25 2009, 10:04 AM GMT

Why thank you and you're a great film maker. I've just been doing 118 118 so long it's melted parts of my brain.

View original

Uh oh, we have a case of cross-posts. I was referring to Danny's stand up routine. But you're funny too though.

I went on this computer course and I've found my ideal match. She's slim, petite and beautifully formed. When I finger her she does simply everything I want. It's just a shame she's a laptop!

The thing is, most women want a hard drive, but I only have a floppy

Quote: Chris Forshaw @ January 25 2009, 11:25 AM GMT

The thing is, most women want a hard drive, but I only have a floppy

View original

Perhaps you should invest in a memory stick.

I'm doing a dating course for IT technicians.
We know where all the parts are in a girl, but not the langauge that makes them go down.

Quote: Griff @ January 25 2009, 11:30 AM GMT

"OK I've got to go now, I'm off to my assertiveness course... KILLER PUNCH FOLLOWS" ???

View original

...if that's ok with everyone...

...my work told me I had to do it?

...it's so good they reckon it could make Stepehn Hawkins stand up for himself.

Quote: Griff @ January 25 2009, 11:30 AM GMT

Great opening Danny!

Do you have to finish on a computer course gag, I would think there would be more opportunity to find that killer closer (not that I've got any ideas) if you open up the subject matter to a wider range of courses - ie a wider range of gag topics to work through till you find The One?

OK I've got to go now, I'm off to my assertiveness course... KILLER PUNCH FOLLOWS

View original

Thanks Griff.

I like this with James's ending...

No you are quiet right, just the crowd LOVE when you reference back to something (even if it's not funny). Which is why I was going for that angle.

I will try it out at the next gig and will let you know.

Quote: oldcowgrazing @ January 25 2009, 9:56 AM GMT

You're funny.

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Thanks mate

I went on an IT course. Hasn't helped the dating but I can now turn a computer on.

I went on a computer course but it didn't work out. They had the wrong sort of "bits"