Did you order a porn star?

Thanks to Aaron for suggesting I write a porn film...

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Cindy, a woman who makes Barbie look real, walks over to the sink, holding a glass. She turns the cold tap on, but nothing happens.

The doorbell rings. Cindy struts over to open it. On the other side stands Roger a plumber, who makes Ken look real.

ROGER
Did you call for a plumber?

CINDY
No.

ROGER
I think you did (winks).

CINDY
No, no I don’t believe so.

ROGER
(winking) Yes, I’m Roger and I’m here to fix your pipes.

CINDY
(Clueless) Oh, Roger? You’d better had come on in.

ROGER
I think I will CUM on in. (Winks)

CINDY
Well actually, I just tried to get a drink, but no water came out.

ROGER
Well by the time I’ve finished you’ll be all wet (winks).

CINDY
Is your eye okay?

ROGER
It’s fine.

CINDY
Before you start, are you a member of the IPHE?

ROGER
What?

CINDY
Are you a registered, certified plumber? I don’t want a cowboy.

CUT TO:

INT. DVD SHOP - DAY

On the shelf, in the adult section, sits a DVD called ‘Humpback Mountain’ with a picture of Roger on the front dressed as a Cowboy.

BACK TO:

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Roger walks over to the sink and twists the cold tap.

CINDY
Well?

ROGER
Yep, it’s broken.

CINDY
Thanks, how much do I owe you?

ROGER
Well I can think of one way you can pay me.

Cheesy jazz music starts to play. (Beat) Cindy leans over and switches the radio off, music stops.

CINDY
Sorry, it’s always doing that. You’re not an electrician as well are you?

CUT TO:

INT. DVD SHOP - DAY

On the shelf, in the adult section, sits a DVD called ‘Erektra’ with a picture of Roger dressed as a super hero.

BACK TO:

INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Roger walks up to Cindy.

ROGER
(Shakes his head)
No, I’m not but I’m good with sockets.

CINDY
Where are your tools?

ROGER
I’m glad you asked. I’ve only brought one.

CINDY
Is it enough to do the job?

ROGER
Well you tell me?

Roger goes to unzip his flies on his unbelievably tight jeans. The cheesy Jazz music starts again. (Beat) Roger stops and reaches over to the radio to turn it off, music stops.

CINDY
Are you going to fix my taps, I really am thirsty?

ROGER
I’ve got something you can swallow.

The tap begins to let out small spirts of water, until eventually flowing like normal.

CINDY
Oh, it looks like I don’t need you after all.

ROGER
(Under his breath)
Damn.

She walks him out of the door.

CINDY
Okay, thanks bye.

She closes the door and goes to the sink and gets a drink.

CINDY (CONT’D)
I could really go for something to eat.

The doorbell rings again. She struts over to open it. On the other side stands Jack a Pizza delivery man, who makes GI.Joe Look real.

JACK
Did you order a pizza?

END.

some of the sketch was quite good, the cut aways smash the flow to pieces though and I didnt find them that funny or beneficial to the sketch. Personally I'd loose the cut aways and just stick to the one location.

Cheers Gav, I didn't really think it through and just knocked it up quick. I can see what you mean with the cut aways, I was watching Arrested Development earlier, it must've influenced me.

Leevil.
Its so good to see you doing lots of sketches. You have your own thing going on. I kind of agree with Gavin on this one. I did like it though & it made me laugh. Which me thinx is the point.x
More!!!!

No I quite liked the cuts.

Alternative finish could be Cindy saying something like " Shame he wasn't up for it, I feel so randy this morning."

While I agree the cuts don't help the reading of the sketch, I think you should keep them. It works brilliantly for Arrested Development.

Thanks everyone I'll try and figure out a less "flow-interrupting" way of doing the Cowboy joke thing, I'm sure there's a way.

*cogs start to grind*

No stick to you guns. I think the cutting away thing works well in comedy. First time I remember being conscious of this was in " Airplane " back in the early 80's.

Also I think as with anything in the arts, you should stick to what feels good for you.

Quote: Kent Pete @ July 14, 2007, 11:59 AM

No stick to you guns. I think the cutting away thing works well in comedy. First time I remember being conscious of this was in " Airplane " back in the early 80's.

Also I think as with anything in the arts, you should stick to what feels good for you.

View original

Cutting away is indeed very effective, but I don't think it works so well here. It doesn't have enough punch or impact and it does seem to ruin the flow. Perhaps it would be better to do it through dialouge, or even have one of his movies playing

I liked it Leevil.
And I thought the cut works as it is. It'd only be 1 or 2 seconds long.

The cutaways really work for me in a cartoony way. THis is really good, Lee.

Thanks Fred and you Zooo.

Can I help you hold auditions for Cindy? I think the sketch needs something extra but I can't place my finger on it... easy Cindy.

You can *do* Roger.

Quote: zooo @ July 14, 2007, 2:59 PM

I liked it Leevil.
And I thought the cut works as it is. It'd only be 1 or 2 seconds long.

View original

Does he have that much of a problem? And how do you know?

Actually Lee I thought it worked well and is one of your best pieces. I'm not 100% sure about the climax though!