Thanks to Aaron for suggesting I write a porn film...
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Cindy, a woman who makes Barbie look real, walks over to the sink, holding a glass. She turns the cold tap on, but nothing happens.
The doorbell rings. Cindy struts over to open it. On the other side stands Roger a plumber, who makes Ken look real.
ROGER
Did you call for a plumber?
CINDY
No.
ROGER
I think you did (winks).
CINDY
No, no I don’t believe so.
ROGER
(winking) Yes, I’m Roger and I’m here to fix your pipes.
CINDY
(Clueless) Oh, Roger? You’d better had come on in.
ROGER
I think I will CUM on in. (Winks)
CINDY
Well actually, I just tried to get a drink, but no water came out.
ROGER
Well by the time I’ve finished you’ll be all wet (winks).
CINDY
Is your eye okay?
ROGER
It’s fine.
CINDY
Before you start, are you a member of the IPHE?
ROGER
What?
CINDY
Are you a registered, certified plumber? I don’t want a cowboy.
CUT TO:
INT. DVD SHOP - DAY
On the shelf, in the adult section, sits a DVD called ‘Humpback Mountain’ with a picture of Roger on the front dressed as a Cowboy.
BACK TO:
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Roger walks over to the sink and twists the cold tap.
CINDY
Well?
ROGER
Yep, it’s broken.
CINDY
Thanks, how much do I owe you?
ROGER
Well I can think of one way you can pay me.
Cheesy jazz music starts to play. (Beat) Cindy leans over and switches the radio off, music stops.
CINDY
Sorry, it’s always doing that. You’re not an electrician as well are you?
CUT TO:
INT. DVD SHOP - DAY
On the shelf, in the adult section, sits a DVD called ‘Erektra’ with a picture of Roger dressed as a super hero.
BACK TO:
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Roger walks up to Cindy.
ROGER
(Shakes his head)
No, I’m not but I’m good with sockets.
CINDY
Where are your tools?
ROGER
I’m glad you asked. I’ve only brought one.
CINDY
Is it enough to do the job?
ROGER
Well you tell me?
Roger goes to unzip his flies on his unbelievably tight jeans. The cheesy Jazz music starts again. (Beat) Roger stops and reaches over to the radio to turn it off, music stops.
CINDY
Are you going to fix my taps, I really am thirsty?
ROGER
I’ve got something you can swallow.
The tap begins to let out small spirts of water, until eventually flowing like normal.
CINDY
Oh, it looks like I don’t need you after all.
ROGER
(Under his breath)
Damn.
She walks him out of the door.
CINDY
Okay, thanks bye.
She closes the door and goes to the sink and gets a drink.
CINDY (CONT’D)
I could really go for something to eat.
The doorbell rings again. She struts over to open it. On the other side stands Jack a Pizza delivery man, who makes GI.Joe Look real.
JACK
Did you order a pizza?
END.