I thought I would try my hand at something a little different.
Ross Returns.
Theme tune to FNWJR
Ross enters waves, bows and sits down behind his desk. Ross speaking in a JR kinda way.
JR: Hello and welcome back to Friday Night with me Jonathon Ross. Now then, before we get into it all, you will see we have a number of umm umm enforced, shall we say, changes. Unfortunately we've added to the jobless figures and gone are four puffs and a piano. We had a little bit of upset about the promotion of male homosexuality, so, in order to please the Daily Mail, they've been sacked. The chubby one has already had his house repossessed, so I hope you all feel happy you right wing bastards. Because of that will you please welcome my new house band "One lesbian c**t and a Casio keyboard."
"One Lesbian c**t and a Casio Keyboard" play a few lines of "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" by Elton John.
JR: Now you'll find that we've had a few changes with some of our guests. A few of my previous guests were classed as a little controversial. So we've revamped our line up and I'm pleased to say that on the show tonight we have got Mr Jim Jones, who as I'm sure you're all aware is the chairman of the Chobham residents association. Mr Jones is here to promote his new search for a prize winning leek competition, so were all looking forward to that. Now we were hoping to have Mother Superior Henston with us to discuss her missionary work in the Conga Delta. However, her PR people cancelled over fears I might try to get her in the missionary position. So we better get straight into it and welcome my first guest and I'm so glad he's here after everything that's happened it's Mr Andrew Sachs.
"One Lesbian c**t and a Casio Keyboard" play a few lines of "Barcelona" by Freddie Mercury.
Andrew Sachs enters and sits on couch.
JR: Andrew, since I spoke to you last on the phone what have you been up to?
AS: Well my celebrity rating has really gone up. I've been to loads of parties.
JR: How did you find them.
AS: A bit different to my day I can tell you. But the birds were cracking!
JR: Oh yeah! Cashed in your celebrity status did you?
AS: Not half. I had a great three in a bed session.
JR: Yes well really! We better stay clear of these matters really.
Mobile Phone Rings. Sachs takes phone out of pocket.
AS: I've been waiting for ages for this call, do you mind if I take it?
JR: No go ahead.
AS: (INTO PHONE) I just thought you'd like to know, I f**ked your mother and sister at the same time and they moaned like real whores, you long haired, victorian dandy dressed bastard.
Sachs puts phone down.
AS: Sorry about that.
JR: Take it that was my old mate Russell Brand.
AS: No? It was Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen.
