The adventures of H Pottymouth

PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE IS SITTING IN HIS OFFICE

F/X: KNOCKING

DUMBLEDORE:
Enter

PRINCE HARRY ENTERS

D:
Ah, Harry Pottymouth! Now, I suppose you know why you've been called here?

HP (PULLING OUT A WAND AND HOLDING IT TO HIS LIPS):
Hey-ho Prof Dumbledore! Is it for smoking spliffies and selling Bertie Botts' magic mushrooms? (BEAT) Did someone grass me up?

D:
No, Harry it's not, I'm afraid, it's…

HP:
Is it for sticking that wand up Hermione's…

D:
(QUICKLY, LOOKING HORRIFIED)
Erm, no, not that. I'm afraid I've received complaints about you calling people derogatory terms. Like (READING FROM A PAGE IN FRONT OF HIM) "Muggles." And Ron says you called him a … "Ginger".

HP:
I'll throw a Bludger at him, that copper snitch…

D:
(WARNING TONE)
Come now, Harry. Might I remind you of your own reddish hue

HP:
Oh, alright I'll apologise, you old Queen.

(OOV, QUEEN'S VOICE)
Harryyyyy!!! Have you been dressing up in Great Grandpa's old robes again?

HP:
Oh, bugger

HARRY RUNS OUT

I think this is a great way to tackle the Harry story. Very Clever.

I like the pace. With some nice gags as it goes along.

But I feel it deserves a better punchline.

Top idea and well written, but I think it could do with a few more Windsor references.

Audiences aren't always that smart.

I agree with Bigfella. lots of nice stuff but the punch lets it down.

Have tried an edit. Though I suspect the punchline is still weak. Bah, proving tricky.

Hmm, maybe this will do it. Thoughts appreciated:

PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE IS SITTING IN HIS OFFICE

(V/O):
Deep within Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and buggery, Prince Harry is summoned to the Headmaster's office.

F/X: KNOCKING

DUMBLEDORE:
Enter

PRINCE HARRY ENTERS

D:
Ah, Harry Pottymouth! Please, take a seat

HARRY:
Hey-ho Prof Dumbledore! (LOOKS ROUND) Oh! Love what you've done here. It's just like Windsor Castle (BEAT). Big, steeped in history (BEAT), run by a Queen.

D:
Ahh, but do the corgis there have three heads?

HP:
They ARE rather inbred.

D:
But of course. Now to business. I suppose you know why you've been called here?

HP (PULLING OUT A WAND AND HOLDING IT TO HIS LIPS):
Is it for smoking spliffies and selling Bertie Botts' magic mushrooms? (BEAT) Did someone grass me up?

D:
No, Harry it's not, I'm afraid, it's…

HP:
Was it for sticking that wand up Hermione's…

D:
(QUICKLY, LOOKING HORRIFIED)
Erm, no, not that. I'm afraid I've received complaints about you calling people derogatory terms. Like (READING FROM A PAGE IN FRONT OF HIM) "Muggles." And Ron says you called him a … "Ginger".

HP:
I'll throw a Bludger at him, that copper snitch…

D:
(WARNING TONE)
Come now, Harry. Might I remind you of your own reddish mop

HP:
But sir, I can't help it. Look at my role models. A father who calls his friend Sooty, and a grandfather who's more offensive than Bernard Manning

D:
In that case I have no choice. I'll have to send you to Azkaban.

HP:
Afghanistan? Jolly good. Look out Ragheads here I come.

HARRY SKIPS OFF, HAPPILY

VO:
Join us text time for the final chapter in this story: Harry Pottermouth, the in-bred Prince.

Well constructed, multi-layered, stylistically consistent and competently written.

Unfortunately it didn't make me laugh. The jokes feel strained and dated - lazy double-entendres and inane Potter puns - all too shallow to carry any punch.

Personally I think you're wringing out what you can of a poor fundamental concept. Your obvious writing ability ought to be put towards a more deserving idea.

Quote: Mav42 @ January 14 2009, 1:01 AM GMT

Well constructed, multi-layered, stylistically consistent and competently written.

Unfortunately it didn't make me laugh. The jokes feel strained and dated - lazy double-entendres and inane Potter puns - all too shallow to carry any punch.

Personally I think you're wringing out what you can of a poor fundamental concept. Your obvious writing ability ought to be put towards a more deserving idea.

View original

Thanks for the comments. Just re-read one version and had an unintended double-entendre which was unnecessary. Other than that, know what you're saying, although I do like the idea of Harry Pottermouth as a character.
Just wanted it to be a lighthearted topical mash-up with the Harry Potter world as there are lots of similarities - boarding school/Eton/army, castle/Windsor, ethnic minorities/muggles (well, kind of). So being a slight dig but taken in a different context.

When struggling for lines tend to resort to puns and more and more lines and probably overdid them.

Still like the idea for a quickie sketch. But am on the hunt for that "deserving idea". Which I shall no doubt fill with more unnecessary lines

Quote: Rob0 @ January 14 2009, 8:56 PM GMT

Thanks for the comments. Just re-read one version and had an unintended double-entendre which was unnecessary. Other than that, know what you're saying, although I do like the idea of Harry Pottermouth as a character.
Just wanted it to be a lighthearted topical mash-up with the Harry Potter world as there are lots of similarities - boarding school/Eton/army, castle/Windsor, ethnic minorities/muggles (well, kind of). So being a slight dig but taken in a different context.

When struggling for lines tend to resort to puns and more and more lines and probably overdid them.

Still like the idea for a quickie sketch. But am on the hunt for that "deserving idea". Which I shall no doubt fill with more unnecessary lines

View original

Write stuff that makes you laugh is the thing.