Quick Restaurant Sketch

MAN AND WOMAN ARE IN A RESTAURANT, HOLDING HANDS

Woman: I'm so glad I found you. I've been so unlucky with Men. My last boyfriend was a religious nutter

MAN SHAKES HIS HEAD

Woman: and the one before that was a gambler

MAN SHAKES HIS HEAD AGAIN

Woman: and the last one tried to kill me!

Man: Well I'm perfectly normal, Thank God!

SHE GIVES HIM A FUNNY LOOK, MAN IS FLUSTERED

Man: Look, we're on to a Winner

ANOTHER FUNNY LOOK

Man: I just wanted to take you out!

WOMAN HAS HAD ENOUGH AND ORDERS HIM OUT

MAN STANDS UP, CAMERA PANS OUT TO REVEAL HE IS WEARING A PINK THONG AND HIGH HEELS

Her first line is 'I'm so glad I found you.' Then she goes on to say how her men have been gamblers, etc.

Maybe if rather than her ordering him out, you shorten it a tad and have the reveal of him being a woman dressed as a man (unconvincingly) and 'he' says in a pretend gruff voice, 'Well, thankfully I'm normal.'

Sorry, I'm confused.
Why is she giving him funny looks?
Can she see how he's dressed before we do?
Unless I'm being dense I don't think this works as it stands.

He says Thank God - her last boyfriend was a religeous nutter

He then says We're on to a winner - her previous boyfriend gambled

He then says I wanted to take you out - her previous boyfriend tried to kill her

I thought it was quite clever in that everything he says, he is digging a further hole.

Obviously needs a re-write

Quote: Minty @ January 9 2009, 3:49 PM GMT

He says Thank God - her last boyfriend was a religeous nutter

He then says We're on to a winner - her previous boyfriend gambled

He then says I wanted to take you out - her previous boyfriend tried to kill her

I thought it was quite clever in that everything he says, he is digging a further hole.

Obviously needs a re-write

View original

I must admit I didn't spot that either.

Maybe if his transvestism was a surprise reveal?

Wow, I have gone seriously wrong here. First sketch entry and I'm all over the place

Yep, need to make it more obvious that it is making her angry that he is using terms such as "God", "On to a Winner" and to "Take her Out"

The reveal should be a surprise reveal, as the camera would be in close, just showing faces and them holding hands.

Thanks for the critique guys. This one's binned for now!

Quote: Minty @ January 9 2009, 3:49 PM GMT

He says Thank God - her last boyfriend was a religeous nutter

He then says We're on to a winner - her previous boyfriend gambled

He then says I wanted to take you out - her previous boyfriend tried to kill her

I thought it was quite clever in that everything he says, he is digging a further hole.

Obviously needs a re-write

View original

Remember what I said about me being dense...
Trouble is, all the phrases he uses would be considered by 99.999% of the poopulation ( and that includes the audience)as to be absolutely bog standard, with no other connotations. You'd have to spend more time establishing that she's HYPER-sensitive. OR have him being so worried that he's saying the wrong thing ( perhaps pre-warned by a mate??) that he digs his own hole (Ref: One of my favourite scenes in 'Uncle Buck' where John Candy goes on about the head teachers wart http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlwVvuduWgE )

Apologies for hideous quality of link!