On Griff's advice I have split up the 3 sketches I sent in yesterday. This is the first. I'll post the next 2 separately for anyone with the interest/stamina.
EXT. DAY. SOME GENERIC AFRICAN SCRUB WITH A REPORTER/ADVENTURER (IN THE BEAR GRYLLS/STEVE IRWIN MOULD) WHISPERING TO THE CAMERA. DAYTIME. HE HAS A SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT.
PRESENTER: Now remember, the rhino is one of the most dangerous animals in Africa, and the black variety is renowned for it's short temper. We've finally tracked one down, here in the dense scrub.
CUT TO STOCK SHOT OF RHINO
PRESENTER (CONT): Here, he will be particularly aggressive in defending his home territory. Let's get a bit closer.
CAMERAMAN: (SIMILAR ACCENT, ALSO WHISPERING) Why? I've got a great zoom on this thing. Let's stay here.
PRESENTER: We've discussed this before Karl. In today's environment it's not enough to see the bloody animals. People want to see a bit of danger; you've got to put yourself at risk. If you don't want this job I know Jannie would be happy to do it.
THE PRESENTER TURNS AND STARTS MAKING HIS WAY THROUGH THE SCRUB.
EXT, DAY. AS PREVIOUS, BUT NOW MUCH CLOSER TO THE RHINO
PRESENTER (CONT): We're now only a few feet from the giant beast. It looks very skittish.
CUT TO STOCK SHOT OF RHINO LOOKING AGITATED
PRESENTER (CONT): And there seems to be a young calf with it, which of course, makes this an altogether more dangerous situation. <BEAT> Normally we'd approach downwind to avoid detection, but we've decided to come in upwind as the light is better.
CAMERAMAN: (HISSING AGITATEDLY) Oh F**k! Look, Hansie, we've got the shot, let's get out of here.
PRESENTER: Call this a shot? That pussy Attenborough would get closer than this! We need something more extreme.
PRESENTER (CONT): (PUTS BACK ON HIS PRESENTERS WHISPER) This scrub will make it hard for us to make headway, but will not even slow a charging rhino down.
HE TURNS AND BEGINS TO MOVE SLOWLY THROUGH THE BUSH.
PRESENTER (CONT): Now I just need to creep the last few feet so that I can flick his testicles to test his reaction.
THE CAMERA WOBBLES.
CAMERAMAN: What? Are you mad? You tosser!
PRESENTER: (OVER HIS SHOULDER) Extreme Karl, extreme.
F/X:AN ANGRY BELLOW AND THE SOUND OF SOMETHING HEAVY CRASHING THROUGH THE BUSHES
CUT TO THE PRESENTER SEEN CLIMBING UP A TREE. THE CAMERA SPINS TO SHOW THE SCRUB AS BEFORE AND WOBBLES AS IF THE CAMERAMAN IS RUNNING
CAMERAMAN: Hansie! You f**ker!
THE CAMERA IS DROPPED AND THE SCREEN GOES BLACK