Help needed with KP sketch.

Hi guys, I am after a bit of help with this one. You'll get the basic idea as you read it, but it don't flow well. Any ideas?

Kevin Pieterson in South Africa picks up the Phone.

KP : Hello international operator. Yes can I have Lords, in London please.

Operator : Yes Sir. Putting you through.

Phone ringing.

Receptionist : Hello Lords, how can I help?

KP: Yeah, KP here – put me through to the most senior person there. And be quick about it I'm on holidays here you know.

Receptionist : Who did you say was calling?

KP: KP – Kevin Pieterson.

Receptionist. Right Peter Son. Who did you want to speak to Mr Son?

KP: No I'm Kevin Bloody Pieterson, the best cricketer ever to play for England.

Receptionist : Never heard of him.

KP: Never heard of me? I'm the captain of the England for god's sake.

Receptionist : No that's Gordon Brown I'm afraid. He Scottish you know. This is Lord's you may want to try the other place.

KP: The other place? Do you mean the oval?

Receptionist : Look Sir just how can I help you?

KP : Can I leave a message then? I can't waste my time I've got a photo shoot in half an hour.

Receptionist : Yes no problem. Go ahead.

KP: I am resigning as captain with immediate effect.

Receptionist : Resigning. Yes lovely no problem. I'll pass that on. And your name again?

KP: Jesus Christ, no wonder the team is in such a state. KEVIN PIETERSON. I'm the best batsman in the world and the captain of the England cricket team.

Receptionist : And your leaving this message for who?

KP: The person in charge.

Receptionist : Right then sir I'll leave in the pile.

KP: It's bloody urgent you know. DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM.?

Receptionist : No sir I quite frankly don't. I think you're pulling my leg, what with your funny south African accent. How can you be the captain of the England cricket team?

KP: Look love. It's very simple I'm the Captain of England and I am trying to resign.

Receptionist: Mr Mandela is that you again with one of your practical jokes? I have to say I preferred it when you rang up pretending to be Frank Bruno.

KP: Oh I give up.

KP slams his phone down.

Receptionist : Strange Man.

Receptionist stands up and walks away from desk to revel sign.

HOUSE OF LORDS.

I think the final revelation is undercut by the fact that most would catch-on to the real setting after the Gordon Brown joke.

The Mandela/Bruno comparison gets a thumbs up.

Personally I think the crux of the sketch will be ambiguity - not confusion. There's a little too much here that relies on the receptionist being ignorant and/or KP getting worked up.

Coming up with some questions that would lend themselves as much to politics as they would sport would be a better direction, with both parties conversing relatively smoothly but on entirely different wavelengths.

bf

You need to clarify what your target is with this sketch. Others more qualified than I can assist with that.

I don't believe any of the characters within it because there is no real comedic focus or motivation. Even in a sketch you have to suspend the willing suspension of disbelief, especially in ones of length.

Picture a three, or at most four, window cartoon in the papers and see if you can distill this idea into that and it may help you focus.

Quote: bigfella @ January 7 2009, 7:48 PM GMT

Hi guys, I am after a bit of help with this one. You'll get the basic idea as you read it, but it don't flow well. Any ideas?

View original

I'm afraid it doesn't flow well because the basic idea isn't clear. There's sure to be a good sketch or two on this topic and I can't beat Marc P's advice on how to get there.

Thanks a lot guys - back to the drawing board with this one.