Sitcom idea I've come up with

Hi, I've half thought of a sitcom over last couple of days or so & have come up with a rough first couple of scenes. Not 100% sure where this will go yet or even if it has potential. All comments/criticism on what I've done so far most appreciated.

EXT: Residential suburban street, all is quiet. A guy in his mid twenties walks along with a big rucksack. He pases a guy dressed like Dr Who (Tom Baker years.) who is working on a slightly modified Austin Metro. The guy gives Dr Who a slightly puzzled look before entering a nearby building.

INT: Open plan lounge/kitchen room in an old Victorian type house. Barry is sitting at the kitchen table reading a newspaper when Bill enters and dumps his rucksack on the floor.

BARRY: (Continues reading paper.) Good trip back from elfast university Bill?
BILL: (Glares at Barry.) You were supposed to pick me up from the airport Barry you twonk. By the time I'd forked out for a train ticket I couldn't afford a taxi from the station and so had to walk the last five miles.

Slight pause

BARRY: (Still readig paper.) So, good trip back from Belfast?
BILL: (Sighs in despair and plonks himself down in chair.) I suppose it could have been worse, at least I didn't have to walk all the way from the airport.

Just then Vivian (The Dr Who Guy.) breezes into the room and starts rummaging through the kitchen cupboards. Having found what's he's looking for (Some furry dice.) he wanders back outside.

BILL: What IS Vivian up to?! He's done some weird stuff to that Austin Metro of his; dark blue repaint, tinted windows and the word TARDIS painted down the nearside. Talk about Dr Who obsessed.

Vivian wanders back inside, grinning from ear to ear.

VIVIAN: Listen up guys, I've got something really important to tell you.
BARRY: (Hasn't stopped reading paper.) You've managed to catch up on the last 20 years in a few minutes and so are no longer stuck in the 80's.
VIVIAN: No. What? What you going on about? Anyway, the thing is, I have turned my Metro into a proper working TARDIS.
BILL: So, you've built a TARDIS?
VIVIAN: Yes
BILL: Using your Metro?
VIVIAN: That's right.
BILL

Oops, posted before I'd finished typing; not a goodthing to do :-)

VIVIAN: Listen up guys, I've got something really important to tell you.
BARRY: (Hasn't stopped reading paper.) You've managed to catch up on the last 20 years in a few minutes and so are no longer stuck in the 80's.
VIVIAN: No. What? What you going on about? Anyway, the thing is, I have turned my Metro into a proper working TARDIS.
BILL: So, you've built a TARDIS?
VIVIAN: Yes
BILL: Using your Metro?
VIVIAN: That's right.
BILL: At the risk of regretting asking this, why?
VIVIAN: Well if you're going to travel through time and space you might as well do it in style.
BILL: But an Austin Metro! And anyway, your car can't go further than about five miles before it claps out. You really expect me to believe that it can take us to different times and places when it can't even take us to the nearest supermarket?
VIVIAN: Well I'm telling you I've done it. Come and have a look.

I'm leaning towards it being more time travel comedy than travelling to different planets type thing. I'll possibly have them travelling to parrallel worlds and the such like as well.

What do you all think so far?

Not enough to really judge. Put up some more.

Don't like Vivian as a character name. Especially as one of a bunch of blokes - just get flash backs of the Young Ones. -"VIVIAN".

Same comment as Bigfella really. Not enough to go on and also Vivian had exactly the same effect on me.

I say this knowing MarkP will pounce.

But way to much "poor expositional" language every one saying what they're doing or who they are.

There's no gentle revelation from the dialogue.

Also I know I get told off for this.

But it's a rather cramped hard to read format.

Some good jokes, but I'd suggest against having to wacky a situation.

No pouncing here. But I can only see one joke in it and I don't really get a sense of the characters, we don't even know, for example, how old Barry and Vivian are.

It's ok. I just got a card. Old Barry and Vivian are doing fine.

Hmmm

Sooty's comment about the exposition is valid I think. Too much telling and not enough showing what's happening so far.

Also "wacky" can be fairly hard to sustain over a protracted period and probably a time-travel sitcom would be hard to pitch with Goodnight Sweetheart having been so big.

On the positive side I found no difficulty sticking with it and wasn't tempted to skim read it.

Hopefully the responses you've had already will not discourage you, but probably the advice you're getting so early on in the project is of benefit, because rather than you locking yourself away for 3 months and doing a whole script only to have the same crits, now you can be aware of what people see as potential pitfalls and choose to take the advice onboard or ignore it. At the end of the day it's your gig and you're in charge.

I do know I have done this (written a script in full) in the past and it really does knock you back when these issues are raised.

And of course the other thing to consider...

What do we know anyhow.

Thans very much for the comments so far, they've been most helpful. I'll have a bit of a tinker with what I've done so far & write some more and let everyone have a look.

I only find peoples comments discouraging when their not constructive comments :-)

I know it's early days but I liked this extract. I'm a big fan of sci-fi comedy and am intrigued by where you could take this.

I would agree with the comments on Vivian's name. That name casts a long shadow and I would advise you to change it. On the subject of The Young Ones, your Vivian character actually reminded me of neil in the episode 'bambi' - "guys, I've got something really important to tell you". Or words to that effect. I think it's fun that you've made the extract so far a bit wacky, and it may be simply my inference, but do ensure you distance its mechanics from the aforementioned sitcom.

Dialogue seems a little bit long in places and needs trimming and sharpening. I know it's early days but I thought I'd say what I see.

The subject of formatting has already been raised and I think you will benefit both yourself and the reader by adopting a correct layout. If you need a for layout info then here it is: http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/scriptsmart/bbctapedsitcom.pdf

Good luck and I look forward to reading more if you post it up.

Def.