SCROOGE IS IN BED THE GHOST OF XMAS PAST HAS JUST APPEARED.
GHOST
Wooo Ebeneezer Scrooge it is I the ghost of Christmas past, I've been sent to teach you the meaning of Christmas and make you repent your miserly ways.
SCROOGE
Oh hello you, Jacob Marley said you'd be along.
GHOST
Ebeneezer you are a cruel miser, who exploits the poor and spreads misery.
SCROOGE
No I'm not, I'm a fiscal conservative who in an era before high street banks with regulated accessible credit, provides the monetary system any functional society needs.
GHOST
Humbug and bollocks, you charge terrible interest and work poor Bob Cratchett like a dog.
SCROOGE
Yes and then I save those interest payments and redistribute them into further micro loans to other small business's. And frankly I pay Bob Cratchett a living wage, if the lust maddened hypocrite didn't keep his wife pregnant he might enjoy a better quality of life.
GHOST
But what about Tiny Tim?
SCROOGE
Tiny Tim has Polio exacerbated by the impoverished conditions his foolish, over sexed parents choose to keep him in.
GHOST
Oh I see so you charge high interest rates and restrict salaries to maintain a large cash surplus, which you continually reinvest and grow in the community. As opposed to Bob Cratchett who is a selfish unthinking drain on said community.
SCROOGE
Yes, not I think you've got something to say to me.
GHOST
Awfully sorry Ebeneezer, is there anything I can do for you?
SCROOGE
I don't suppose you could frightn Tiny Tim to death? Save him ruining his idiot parents Christmas keeling over at the dinner table.
GHOST
It'll be my pleasure, I'll send the ghost of Christmas future in.
GHOST OF XMAS WHEELS IN A TELLY, THATCHER AT A CONSERVATIVE CONFERENCE CAN BE HEARD.
THATCHER
We will go on and on.
SCROOGE.
That's lovely merry Christmas one and all.
