Something I've done...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=EKOKfxepEUo

Do not look at the previous 2, unless you really want to be tortured by hideous cliche's, dire camera work with an equally dire camera and real cringe. Just, don't.

This is still pretty low down the scale, I know, but it's an attempt to show some of the crap I've done with some people.

I'd massively appreciate all criticism about the writing if possible; sadly as only my friends have really commented on it, I tend to get positivie feedback and no decent negatives. Oh, by the way, I know all about it's other flaws and the camerawork etc. is nothing to do with me, so

You look like you had a lot of fun and there's some good lines, particular the corpse dumping one.

But a lot of it is a bit to unstructured and feels like you're saying this is whacky, it'll make you laugh.

Which really doesn't work, a guy just throwing stuff in a BBQ is a bit to simple.

Just had a quick look through it, though most of it was quite funny. Wasn't to sure about the garden bit, thought the bishbashbosh bit was funny though.

Socrates, welcome to the forum.

You're right, don't mention the camera work!

there is defiantly something there - as Sooty mentioned it just needs to be structured a little better and even matured slightly, it did seem rather lazy and childish sometimes - IE the BBQ sketch seemed rather lazy I think it was in reference to Jamie Oliver?

And as for the paint sketch, it's very similar to a Big Train Sketch with balls instead of paint (was it big train?) I don't remember, but it's almost exactly the same.

I understand filming isn't an easy process, I've done it myself - just work at it, like I say it has a lot of potential in my opinion

Cheers for the feedback, and thanks for the welcome.

I entirely understand what your saying; I was deliberating whether there was much point in me putting it up at all, considering the way it is flung together

Unstructured is certainly one way of putting it- the whole thing was improvised with no script, and not in a good way, so I thought I'd chuck it out there anyway. It's odd; I've attempted this with a few friends now for a while, and we always have the problem that no one will work from a script- I have a massive pile of sketches and never get to bleeding use any of them!

I wasn't aware of the big train similarity- can you remember anything more about the big train sketch? It may well be similar but if it is, it's entirely subconscious, and I'd like to check it out for reference, to see how that was done.

Thanks for the welcome, by the way

I watched it as far as the clairvoyant notice which raised a smile and the homeless one shortly before I also liked as it was quite mad, decent effort Socrates.

By the way, you are named after the Brazilian footballer, right?

Improvised stuff rarely works unless you are very quick with your comebacks and jokes - otherwise it looks, as mentioned before unstructed.

And the sketch is: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=N_o6p0H9BQM

Very similar - but big train did it better through (sorry).

Like I've said there is potential in your work, you seem to have some pretty good acting friends so I wouldn't worry there!

I'd push on with the scripts, no one's that funny unprepared.

Agreed, currently I've got a short film in the work- I say short film, it's just a fairly long sketch, I'll wallop up the script for that soon, then hopefully film it. By keeping it to a simple 2 person dialogue on a bench, hopefully I'll get a better script and the whole thing will be a much better end product.

I liked the Shawn Michaels kick!

Yeah get your friends to learn their lines!!

Rather than trying to make an entire show how about just putting single sketches up? You'd probably get more focussed feedback on them.

Or even put the script up?

Then the sketch.

Woah, I'd completely missed the big train similarity, but your quite right!

Also, "Socrates" is indeed after the Brazillian footballer of the same name, first time in a while someone has said that rather than asking me why I name myself after a philosopher!

The thread title always makes me lol. It sounds like you're shamefully admitting to shitting in someones shoe or something.

Quote: Leevil @ January 1 2009, 4:01 PM GMT

The thread title always makes me lol. It sounds like you're shamefully admitting to shitting in someones shoe or something.

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Who let Lee in?