I posted this sketch about a week ago, but it was shit. So I looked at a few other sketches to get a jist of how it needs to be written, I'm still far away from good writing but I hope I have made this sketch better. Again, any advise or constructive critism is more than welcome, even if the sketch is a little better I'd like to know so at least I know I'm making headway.
Nearest School Please
INT. HALLWAY OF A HOME
The sketch starts off with PETER who's in his 40's standing in his hallway on his house phone
PETER:
I KNOW WE'VE NEVER SPENT MUCH TIME TOGETHER, BUT IT'S GONNA BE DIFFERENT NOW. DADDY'S HOME… FOR GOOD
Cut to school playground
KERRY sighs
KERRY:
WHATEVER. JUST MAKE SURE YOU'VE GOT EVERYIN
PETER:
OK (pause) YE MUM GOT ANY TISSUES HERE, I'VE GOT A COLD
KERRY:
YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT A BLOODY COLD.
She mutters under her breath
PETER:
OK ANYTHING ELSE
KERRY:
DON'T FORGET THE BIRD BOOK EITHER; I WANNA FIND SOME 'ROUGH FACED SHAGS' THIS TIME
PETER opens the bird book and mimes the words 'Rough Faced Shag' and then looks relieved
PETER:
ALRIGHT THEN, WHAT'S THE SCHOOL AGAIN? NEVER COULD REMEMBER THAT FLIPPIN NAME
KERRY:
ST FRUCTUOSUS OF TARRAGONA
PETER:
ST FRUCTU-WARRA
KERRY:
DAAAAD, ST FRUCTUOSUS OF TARRAGONA, IT'S THE NEAREST SCHOOL FROM OURS. THERE'S HUGE BUSHES OUTSIDE THE PLAYGROUND. REMEMBER?
PETER:
ALRIGHT SWEETIE, I'LL BE THERE SOON
KERRY sighs again
KERRY:
OK, JUST HURRY UP
The taxi beeps its horn.
Peter gets in the taxi; the TAXI DRIVER is in his mid 30's
TAXI DRIVER:
WHERE TOO MATE?
PETER:
ARRRR WHAT WAS IT…
The camera zooms out from PETERS face
Peter is sitting in the middle of the back seat with a long coat on, some binoculars round his neck and a box of tissues on his knee
PETER:
JUST TAKE ME TO THE NEAREST SCHOOL. MAKE SURE THERES BIG BUSHES OUTSIDE THE PLAYGROUND
The taxi driver looks enraged
TAXI DRIVER:
GET OUT (pause) YOU PERVERT
Peter has a look of bewilderment on his face
PETER:
I'M ONLY AFTER A SHAG
The taxi driver looks even more enraged
Peter exits the taxi
END