Teachers and marking

Saw this news story in the paper today: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1101790/Teachers-banned-using-confrontational-red-ink-case-upsets-children.html

So I took a crack at writing a sketch about it.

INT. MEETING ROOM. HEADTEACHER TALKING TO ANOTHER TEACEHR

HEAD
Welcome back for the new year! Hope everyone had a good Christmas, a nice, long Christmas, not too much work to be done.

TEACHER
Well, I had some marking.

HEAD
Yes, but not too much, eh?

TEACHER
No, a lot, you told me if I didn't finish it all by the time I got back after Christmas I'd lose my job. I went through so many red pens I got a loyalty card at staples.

HEAD
Ah, the red pens. I've been meaning to mention those.

TEACHER
What about them?

HEAD
Red sure is a confrontational colour, isn't it?

TEACHER
They're children sir, not bulls.

HEAD
Still, I've met with the governors, and we feel that we need to review our marking practices.

TEACHER
So we're not allowed to use red pens any more?

HEAD
Not quite.

TEACHER
What are we allowed to use then? Blue?

HEAD
No, blue has connotations of rude jokes and swear words. It can't be allowed.

TEACHER
F**k me.

HEAD
Exactly.

TEACHER
So, just black then?

HEAD
We feel that black is inappropriate. It conjures up images of darkness, and horror, and negativity. Not to mention the racial issues. No, black is best well left alone. We don't like black here.

TEACHER
I guess green will have to do then.

HEAD
Green is completely unsuitable. We feel it would confuse children to see their mistakes in green, when we are supposed to be promoting sustainable energy and tackling climate change. Green is a good colour.

TEACHER
Christ, sir, how are we going to prepare the kids for their exams like this?

HEAD
Ah, good point. Exams will be replaced with one on one feedback sessions at regular intervals, although at no point can you make an assessment of a child's intelligence and performance. Such negativity could be harmful to a child's growth.

TEACHER
This is ridiculous. I have a class to teach. They're waiting for me on the football pitch.

HEAD
You mean the "positivity field".

I like this one.

The only thing I would say is I think it drifts away at the end. Keep the theme the colour of the pens and get a punchline in related to that.

Quote: bigfella @ December 26 2008, 7:57 PM GMT

I like this one.

The only thing I would say is I think it drifts away at the end. Keep the theme the colour of the pens and get a punchline in related to that.

View original

Agree with you bigfella, just wondering what twist you could put at the end which is related to colour and pens, maybe something to do with invisible ink?

It's very good, but I think the headmaster's final speach could be more ridiculous and the final line could be more of a direction change.

OK, I completely agree with the fact that it has a very weak ending. Here's the second draft, complete with what I think is a stronger finish.

INT. MEETING ROOM. HEADTEACHER TALKING TO ANOTHER TEACEHR

HEAD
Welcome back for the new year! Hope everyone had a good Christmas, a nice, long Christmas, not too much work to be done.

TEACHER
Well, I had some marking.

HEAD
Yes, but not too much, eh?

TEACHER
No, a lot. You told me if I didn't finish it all by the time I got back after Christmas I'd lose my job. I went through so many red pens I got a loyalty card at staples.

HEAD
Ah, the red pens. I've been meaning to mention those.

TEACHER
What about them?

HEAD
Red is rather a confrontational colour, is it not?

TEACHER
What's wrong with it sir? It's for children, not bulls.

HEAD
Still, I've met with the governors, and we feel that we need to review our marking practices.

TEACHER
So we can't mark in red any more, is that it?

HEAD
Not quite.

TEACHER
What are we allowed to use? Blue?

HEAD
No, blue has connotations of rude jokes and swear words, so-called "blue comedy". It cannot be allowed in the school environment.

TEACHER
F**k me.

HEAD
Exactly.

TEACHER
So, black then?

HEAD
We feel that black is inappropriate. It conjures up images of darkness, and horror, and negativity. Not to mention the minefield of potential racial issues. No, black is best well left alone. We don't like black in this school.

TEACHER
Well, green is the only colour pen we have left, sir.

HEAD
Green is completely unsuitable. We feel it would confuse children to see their mistakes in green, when we are supposed to be promoting sustainable energy and tackling climate change. Green is a positive colour.

TEACHER
Christ, sir, how are we going to prepare the kids for their exams like this?

HEAD
Ah, yes, the exams. Exams will be renamed "self-discovery", and shall be performed THROUGH THE MEDIUM OF DANCE! No, we shall have no need for red pens in this school. There are no wrong answers in dance.

END

Thoughts?

Really good now.

I like the build up, but the punchline is still very weak.

I like this better. But still feel it isn't quite there yet.

Still think you need to remove the exams bit because the rest is just about marking.

A killer punchline would make this brilliant.

Saying that I can't think of one....Yet.

Here is the third attempt at a punchline for this sketch. I think I'm getting closer to a good ending, and although I don't think this is perfect, it's better, IMO.

INT. MEETING ROOM. HEADTEACHER TALKING TO ANOTHER TEACEHR

HEAD
Welcome back for the new year! Hope everyone had a good Christmas, a nice, long Christmas, not too much work to be done.

TEACHER
Well, I had some marking.

HEAD
Yes, but not too much, eh?

TEACHER
No, a lot. You told me if I didn't finish it all by the time I got back after Christmas I'd lose my job. I went through so many red pens I got a loyalty card at staples.

HEAD
Ah, the red pens. I've been meaning to mention those.

TEACHER
What about them?

HEAD
Red is rather a confrontational colour, is it not?

TEACHER
What's wrong with it sir? It's for children, not bulls.

HEAD
Still, I've met with the governors, and we feel that we need to review our marking practices.

TEACHER
So we can't mark in red any more, is that it?

HEAD
Not quite.

TEACHER
What are we allowed to use? Blue?

HEAD
No, blue has connotations of rude jokes and swear words, so-called "blue comedy". It cannot be allowed in the school environment.

TEACHER
F**k me.

HEAD
Exactly.

TEACHER
So, black then?

HEAD
We feel that black is inappropriate. It conjures up images of darkness, and horror, and negativity. Not to mention the minefield of potential racial issues. No, black is best well left alone. We don't like black in this school.

TEACHER
Well, green is the only colour pen we have left, sir.

HEAD
Green is completely unsuitable. We feel it would confuse children to see their mistakes in green, when we are supposed to be promoting sustainable energy and tackling climate change. Green is a positive colour.

TEACHER
So what are we going to do? Are we just going to let them decide what they want the right answer to be?

HEAD
Exactly. I knew you'd see sense.

TEACHER
Are you kidding me? That won't teach them anything.

HEAD
Au contraire. We feel that this will be a much more vocational method of teaching. By allowing students to choose their own version of the truth will be excellent preparation for their future careers.

TEACHER
So you're training them to be...

HEAD
Journalists, yes. Precisely.

I like this! I like the punchline now; and I dunno, maybe it would be too much, but a comment about whether the journalists could write in red/only red might work?

I like this, it's just, there is something missing for me, I don't know what it is but there is something.

I really like this idea too. I think I agree with some of the comments on it drifting though. I wonder if they might discuss a wider (and odder) range of colours. Lilac might 'have the positive ambience of pink combined with the clinical intellect of blue', for example, but have less threatening heavy metal connotations than a deeper purple (sorry, it's late).

I wonder if a punchline closer to marking would fit better too (as already suggested). Maybe they could move on to discuss at what exact mark it's OK to add a comment along the lines of 'this is a steaming pile of crap you f**k-witted waste of DNA' or some more inventive Black-Addery insult.

As a first time poster I hope this doesn't breach the forum rules on re-writing. Only trying to help.

Is this an appropriate emoticon? I'm too old to understand them properly

I liked it, well structured sketch and even had a couple of jokes before finishing.

there wasn't a punchline in my opinion though, but nowadays sketches aren't restricted so who cares it was funny to me!

Andrew - I like this version the best of the three.

But I still think it needs a punchline to do with the colours.

Maybe they could mark in white because it's such a pure,innocent and neutral colour. But of course you can't use white because of the paper
Then get some gag in about the Head coming up with an high tech advancement in teaching to allow marking in white by giving all the students slate boards to write on.

?????

Shouldn't the conclusuion/punchline to the sketch be something to do with the fact that he has to remark all these papers in some way? It seems to me that you are teeing it up that way at the beginning. Better to get an organic and thematic punch rather than a throwaway line about journos?