Now that's what I call crimbo TV!

What would your ideal TV Christmas line up of imginary shows be?

The real ones being, well boring and nice.

To offer some alternatives to the list I stuck up some where else.

10-11.00 Merry f**king Christmas from f**king Cantebury Cathedral.
Featuring carols by Gordon Ramsey and the Salvation army Tourettes band.

12.00-13.00 Noels Christmas Crackers. Noel Edmonds makes the Christmas wishes of a hospital for the criminally insane come true, by getting locked in without any guards for the day.

13.00-14.00 My family meets the Manson Family.

14.00-15.00 Don't shoot Charlie Brown! Who's that dressed in black? It's Charlie Brown and he got guns from Santa!

15.00-16.00 Santa's real and here's the proof. Surprisingly bloody autopsy of a fat old man with a beard.

17.00-17.30 The Queening speech, a traditional favourite delivered whilst urinating on the Duke of Edinburghs head.

That would be a good Christmas single for next year, Gordon Ramsay's Merry F**king Christmas.

We wish you a Merry f**king Christmas;
We wish you a Merry f**king Christmas;
We wish you a Merry f**king Christmas and a Happy f**king New Year.
Good f**king tidings we bring to you and your f**kers;
Good f**king tidings for Christmas and a Happy f**king New Year.

Oh, bring us a f**king pudding;
Oh, bring us a f**king pudding;
Oh, bring us a f**king pudding and a cup of f**king good beer
We won't f**k off until we get some;
We won't f**k off until we get some;
We won't f**k off until we get some, so f**k us right up

We wish you a Merry f**king Christmas;
We wish you a Merry f**king Christmas;
We wish you a Merry f**king Christmas and a Happy f**king New Year.

Top Gear - Drink Driving Christmas Special

Quote: Darryl @ December 24 2008, 10:42 AM GMT

Top Gear - Drink Driving Christmas Special

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Top Gear - Pimp My Hearse Christmas Special.

Disabled Runaround - A shock return to our screens of 'rough diamond' Mike Read as he gets to shout at wheelchair users.

Gillian McKeith Chegwin - shit dressed in a Christmas jumper.

That would be a shock return, isn't Mike Read dead? I used to like Runaround, surprised it hasn't been revived.

Hole In The Wall Xtreme - The pool of water is replaced by a pit of fire. Guests include Russell Brand, Jordan, Peter Andre, Jade Goody, John Barrowman and Paris Hilton.

Last Man Standing - Bear Grylls, Andy McNab, Chris Ryan and Ben Fogle battle to the death on a remote island, to find out who really is the ultimate survival expert.

Hollyoaks Goes Lesbian - Self explanitory. Sponsored by Kleenex.