British Comedy Guide

New sketch: Just clowning

INT. DAY, INSIDE THE KITCHEN OF A VERY MIDDLE CLASS HOUSEHOLD. MUM AND DAD ARE STANDING AND THEIR LITTLE GIRL OF 5 IS SITTING AT A TABLE DRAWING.

Dad:
Now make sure you’re extra good when Mr Hussein comes.

Little girl:
Why is Mr Sane coming?

Mum:
He’s Daddy’s big boss and he wants to talk about a promotion.

Little girl:
What’s a permotion?

Daddy:
Aw, well it means Daddy would get more money for working

Mum:
So maybe Daddy could buy you a pony if Mr. Hussein likes his ideas.

Little girl:
I like Daddy’s ideas.

SHE SWINGS HER LEGS EXCITEDLY

Mum:
But Daddy needs to say clever things about how he’s going to stop people hating people for their skin colour or religion.

Little girl:
What religion is Mr Sane?

Dad:
He’s a Muslim.

Little girl:
We did Muslims in school – it started with Poppet Muhammad.

Dad:
Clever girl! Prophet Muhammad! How did –

THE BELL RINGS

Mum:
It’s Mr Hussein now.

Dad:
You carry on with your drawing, there’s a good girl.

FADE. TEXT ON SCREEN: ‘AFTER 2 MINUTES’ IDLE CHIT CHAT’

Mr HUssein (to the little girl):
And what’s this clever girl drawing? Oooh, a man with funny shoes.

THE GIRL PROUDLY HOLDS UP HER DRAWING.

Little girl:
It’s a cartoon. It’s Poppet Muhammad – he’s a clown!

SILENCE. PAUSE.

Little girl:
The Poppet Muhammad’s a clown! Will I get a pony?

SHE GRABS A RAG DOLL CLOWN FROM THE BACK OF THE CHAIR AND HOLDS IT UP TO MR HUSSEIN.

Mr Hussein:
I have a terrible phobia of clowns…I -

MR HUSSEIN FAINTS. CU OF MR HUSSEIN’S UNCONSCIOUS FACE ON THE FLOOR. THE GIRL CONTINUES TO LAUGH.

TEXT: ONE YEAR LATER.

THE CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL THE SAME FAMILY IN FRONT OF A TERRACED HOUSE. MUM AND DAD ARE SITTING IN A DECK CHAIR: DAD WEARING A WIFE BEATER’S VEST AND MUM IN A TRACK SUIT AND SLIPPERS. THE CAMERA PULLS BACK FURTHER TO REVEAL THE LITTLE GIRL PLAYING ON AN OLD HOBBY HORSE. THE WORD, ‘NAZIS’ IS SCRAWLED ON THEIR FRONT WALL.

CUT.

Very, Very, Very, Very bloody good.

Erm, good luck getting that produced Fred. You aren't Danish by any chance are you? Laughing out loud

Fred, I loved this.

Is that your coinage, 'wife-beater's vest'? It made me laugh, as did the Beckettian ending and all the poppet stuff.

Here's the really juicy bit. The last three lines, really call up a picture in the readers mind, which is gold dust in a sketch, which can be passed over if the reader has no imagination, no matter how funny it is.

I think you've got a fair chance of getting it produced, if you define fair chance as none whatsoever.

Thanks. I know, getting it produced would be highly unlikely but would any braodcasters risk breaking taboos in that way? My sketch would not depict a cartoon of Muhammad, merely indicate that a child has innocently drawn one.

This is really good Fred. Very visual and very clever too.

Agreed with all that. I thought it was well-written and excellent

Nice sketch Fred and well written, very pertinent social comment, a nice piece of art!

Frankie xxx

As good as it is (and this sketch is good) I think the Nazi tag at the end is superfluous. There have been many great sketches of the years - just take your pick from the any 'Two Ronnies' sketch - where the theme of mispronunciation is used for this kind of genre to be funny without adding a racist angle even if, as in this sketch, it involves a Muslim character.

Didn't do a great deal for me... I must have missed something. Why does Mr. Hussein's phobia of clowns lead to the family's downfall?

I'm obviously being Mr. Thickie today...

Thanks for the commemnts! Darren - I don't do explanations of sketches. Have a re-read an if you still don't get it then either a) it's not funny enough or b) it's not to your taste.

It was well written, technically speaking, although I'm not 100% sure I get the joke. If it's what I think it is, then yes, it's OK. But not that controversial, so I probably got it wrong. :S

Quote: Fred Peters @ July 9, 2007, 2:25 PM

Thanks for the commemnts! Darren - I don't do explanations of sketches. Have a re-read an if you still don't get it then either a) it's not funny enough or b) it's not to your taste.

LOL... fair enough.

Can anyone else explain this for me then?

I think it has something to do with the hysteria over a cartoon drawing of Prophet Muhammad in a Danish newspaper, not so long ago.

But I don't follow current affairs too closely so I could be wrong?

Quote: Leevil @ July 9, 2007, 2:40 PM

I think it has something to do with the hysteria over a cartoon drawing of Prophet Muhammad in a Danish newspaper, not so long ago.

But I don't follow current affairs too closely so I could be wrong?

Ye-es... I got the reference to the cartoon of Prophet Muhammad (a bit old now, as a joke, in my opinion)... but is that it?

Like I said earlier... did I miss something?

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