Sun am.
Banging on Charleys door at 6am. Charley staggers out of bed & stumbles downstairs.
Charleys Parents.
Surprise!!!!!!!!
Charley
(Rubbing eyes) Oh! Hi mum, dad lickle sister. Come in.
Mum
(Concerned) You look tired. Are you eating properly.
Charley
Yes I am fine. I have only had an hours sleep that is all.
Charley’s Dad starts running his finger over every picture & writing on the mirror.
Charley
(Shocked) Are you checking for dust Dad.
Dad
You do know what polish is don’t you. (Writes ‘Dad was here‘ on the mirror)
Mum
I almost brought you that Dyson you wanted. (PLEASE UNDERSTAND. MY MUM ALWAYS ALMOST BUYS ME EVERYTHING)
Charley
Thanks for almost getting me that Mum.
Apryl. (14 year old sister)
Do you know where I can buy some skater jeans. Their EMO you know. That stands for suicidal.
Charley
(Shocked) Why do you want suicidal jeans.
Apryl
Well it means emotional really.
Charley
So these jeans cry & make you look like you have peed yourself.
Dad
Have you thought more about that business opportunity I offered you. (PLEASE UNDERSTAND. MY DAD IS ALWAYS OFFERING ME SHODDY BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES)
Charley
(Sighs) What one is this.
Dad
(Exasperated) The second hand books one. You remember. I phoned you up about it last week. Buy them for 10p and sell them for 20p.
Charley
Where are you going to get books for 10p Dad.
Dad
Boot sales.
Charley
Why sell them for just 20p.
Dad
To make a profit you silly girl.
Charley sighs.
Mum
I got you a lovely cardi. (Takes it out of a bag)
Charley
(Looks at it, holds it up in disgust) Couldn’t you have almost got me that cardi mum.
Dad
There is a flea on the curtain. Its buzzing.
Charley
That will be a fly dad. Fleas don’t buzz. Besides my dogs have been flead. I must have left the window open.
Dad
(Shocked) You left the window open all night. You could have been murderded as you slept. Silly silly girl.
Charley
(Sarcastic) It is ok Dad. They caught the Berkhamsted serial killer two weeks ago.
Mum
Norfolk does not have any serial killers. You want to move down there with us.
Charley
Does Norfolk have flies.
Dad
Nope. It’s clean in Norfolk.
Charley offers them a cup of tea & brings it into them.
Mum.
This cup has got a crack.
Charley
That’s because it’s a girl.
Dad
How’s your writing going
Charley
Could be better. I have just sent………………
Mum
(Interupts) Right we had better go now Dear. Nanny is expecting us. You know how she sits with her face pressed against the window untill we arrive.
Charley
You have only been here 10 minutes.
Dad
Its okay. We will be back Tuesday & spending 2 whole days & nights with you.
Mum Dad & Apryl leave & Charley grizzles.
Well observed and very funny. A real slice of family life.