On and Off

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

TWO MODERN BEDSIDE LIGHTS STAND ON BESIDE TABLES ON EITHER SIDE OF A DOUBLE BED.

ONE IS DARK, WELL-BUILT WITH A QUIFF, THE OTHER CURVY AND BLONDE.

CURVY LIGHT
(helium voiced)
We`ve been left on again!

QUIFF LIGHT
(drawls)
Why does she do it?

A TAP CAN BE HEARD DRIPPING FROM THE EN-SUITE.

CURVY LIGHT
She left the tap dripping too!

QUIFF LIGHT
(shouts)
Hot or cold?

COLD TAP (V.O.)
(shivering)
Cold! She`s always doing her teeth and leaving me on!

HOT TAP (V.O.)
(smoky)
You wanna to be in here Quiffie, sometimes I just don`t know where to look!

QUIFF LIGHT
Well, she`s often little Miss Frigid Knickers in here!

HOT TAP (V.O.)
Is she now.

CURVY LIGHT
Polo-necked pyjamas. That`s not the way to treat a guy!

QUIFF LIGHT
Whenever she brings a guy here. It`s always the same.

CURVY LIGHT
I don`t look.

QUIFF LIGHT
I do! It`s nothing to get excited about!

CURVY LIGHT
It fused your bulb last Friday night.

QUIFF LIGHT
I was having a bad day. Completely lost it and `pop`, another bulb gets it.

CURVY LIGHT
I thought it was something else?

QUIFF LIGHT
(interested)
Did you? I wasn`t amusing myself.

CURVY LIGHT GIGGLES.

CURVY LIGHT
I thought you hadn`t noticed me!

CURVY LIGHT SWIVELS AWAY AND SNIFFS HARD.

QUIFF LIGHT
Hey! Don`t cry! You`ll explode!

CURVY LIGHT SWIVELS BACK

QUIFF LIGHT
Well, you do turn me on.

CURVY LIGHT
Do I?

QUIFF LIGHT
How about I come over?

CURVY LIGHT
Go on!

QUIFF LIGHT THROWS HIMSELF ONTO THE DOUBLE BED AND ROLLS OVER AND OVER, THEN USES HIS LITTLE HANDS TO PUSH HIMSELF UP ONTO THE OTHER BEDSIDE TABLE.

CURVY LIGHT IMMEDIATELY BURNS BRIGHTER.

QUIFF LIGHT TAKES CURVY LIGHT IN HIS LITTLE ARMS. CURVY LIGHT WRAPS HERS AROUND QUIFF LIGHT. QUIFF LIGHT IMMEDIATELY BURNS BRIGHTER.

ONE WEEK LATER

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

CURVY LIGHT AND QUIFF LIGHT, STILL ON THE SAME BEDSIDE TABLE, ARE SURROUNDED BY FOUR LITTLE MATCHING MINI-LIGHTS.

QUIFF LIGHT
(proudly)
Quads!

CURVY LIGHT
We`re a family now!

THE LITTLE MINI-LIGHTS START TO SCURRY AROUND, SWITCHING THEMSELVES ON AND OFF.

QUIFF LIGHT
Hey! Cut it out guys!

THE LITTLE MINI LIGHTS SWITCH THEMSELVES OFF AND SCUTTLE OFF INTO A CORNER.

CURVY LIGHT
Now you`ve scared them!

QUIFF LIGHT
Well, I was thinking, maybe you and me could go into production!

Very Jude! I liked it!!!

You're mad! I like it!

Thanks Dave and Fred.

I know Fred, it`s much more fun lol!

Very clever ... and nicely written as always ... only the last line has me confused a bit ... either it means something that's lost on me or it's just as it reads in which case could be a better last line maybe. Very good though.

Thanks Losaavedra, much appreciated.

The last line is as it reads, with the production of loads and loads of little mini-lights. Reading through again, I can see what you mean and agree, it could do with being a stronger line.

Brilliant..

Thanks Charley.

Quote: Jude @ July 9, 2007, 12:09 AM

Thanks Dave and Fred.

I know Fred, it`s much more fun lol!

View original

Good stuff.

Those pills are obviously doing wonders.

I really really liked it Jude. Its great to see that the BSG has two great unique writers in you and Charley. Everytime I read your stuff its makes me laugh and its unlike most things i've seen before. Have you given any thought to how it would be made? e.g. animated, puppets etc. Would be great for the sketch project if the buget can stretch to lamps from the pound shop

Quote: Ed Parnell @ July 9, 2007, 1:00 AM

Good stuff.

Those pills are obviously doing wonders.

View original

Thanks Ed, I reckon it must be the double dose!

Quote: ajp29 @ July 9, 2007, 2:34 AM

I really really liked it Jude. Its great to see that the BSG has two great unique writers in you and Charley. Everytime I read your stuff its makes me laugh and its unlike most things i've seen before. Have you given any thought to how it would be made? e.g. animated, puppets etc. Would be great for the sketch project if the buget can stretch to lamps from the pound shop

View original

Aww thanks ajp

I see it as an animation, but I`m always open to ideas. I`ll submit it to the sketch project and try to think of a way around the budget issue.

You've definitely found your own niche with this stuff Jude... it's very good!

My only query is with this patch of dialogue:

----------------

QUIFF LIGHT
I do! It`s nothing to get excited about!

CURVY LIGHT
It fused your bulb last Friday night.

QUIFF LIGHT
I was having a bad day. Completely lost it and `pop`, another bulb gets it.

CURVY LIGHT
I thought it was something else?

QUIFF LIGHT
(interested)
Did you? I wasn`t amusing myself.

CURVY LIGHT GIGGLES.

CURVY LIGHT
I thought you hadn`t noticed me!

CURVY LIGHT SWIVELS AWAY AND SNIFFS HARD.

QUIFF LIGHT
Hey! Don`t cry! You`ll explode!

CURVY LIGHT SWIVELS BACK

QUIFF LIGHT
Well, you do turn me on.

----------------

Quiff light talks of having a bad day and his bulb popping… and Curvy light says she thought it was ‘something else’. I’m assuming that Curvy light is alluding (incorrectly) to Quiff getting excited about seeing Miss Frigid Knickers’ antics in the bedroom? Once Quiff has told Curvy that this is not the case, why does Curvy adopt the ‘thought you hadn’t noticed me’ position? There doesn’t appear to be anything in the dialogue beforehand that indicates Quiff is interested… unless you’re using this:

QUIFF LIGHT
(interested)
Did you? I wasn`t amusing myself.

Which, to me, doesn’t really say enough. It appears to be more a rejection of his fascination of the bedroom antics than a hint at being interested in Curvy. Unless I’m missing something?

Sorry… not trying to nit-pick… but I don’t get the logic of the dialogue at that point.

Anyway... once again, Jude... this is great stuff. I can't wait to see some of these sketches animated!

I liked it, Jude. Surreal but nicely so.

Thanks SlagA.

Quote: Darren Goldsmith @ July 9, 2007, 11:46 AM

You've definitely found your own niche with this stuff Jude... it's very good!

My only query is with this patch of dialogue:

----------------

QUIFF LIGHT
I do! It`s nothing to get excited about!

CURVY LIGHT
It fused your bulb last Friday night.

QUIFF LIGHT
I was having a bad day. Completely lost it and `pop`, another bulb gets it.

CURVY LIGHT
I thought it was something else?
QUIFF LIGHT
(interested)
Did you? I wasn`t amusing myself.

CURVY LIGHT GIGGLES.

CURVY LIGHT
I thought you hadn`t noticed me!

CURVY LIGHT SWIVELS AWAY AND SNIFFS HARD.

QUIFF LIGHT
Hey! Don`t cry! You`ll explode!

CURVY LIGHT SWIVELS BACK

QUIFF LIGHT
Well, you do turn me on.

----------------

Quiff light talks of having a bad day and his bulb popping… and Curvy light says she thought it was ‘something else’. I’m assuming that Curvy light is alluding (incorrectly) to Quiff getting excited about seeing Miss Frigid Knickers’ antics in the bedroom? Once Quiff has told Curvy that this is not the case, why does Curvy adopt the ‘thought you hadn’t noticed me’ position? There doesn’t appear to be anything in the dialogue beforehand that indicates Quiff is interested… unless you’re using this:

QUIFF LIGHT
(interested)
Did you? I wasn`t amusing myself.

Which, to me, doesn’t really say enough. It appears to be more a rejection of his fascination of the bedroom antics than a hint at being interested in Curvy. Unless I’m missing something?

Sorry… not trying to nit-pick… but I don’t get the logic of the dialogue at that point.

Anyway... once again, Jude... this is great stuff. I can't wait to see some of these sketches animated!

View original

Thanks Darren, pleased you enjoyed it.

Actually you`ve highlighted a bit I was thinking about and I do need to make the exchanges clearer here.

Don`t worry Darren, it`s not nit-picking, I found it really helpful