Hi Guys!
Here is a video I was involved in about a year ago. It contains a selection of some of the first sketches I ever wrote, most of which Im not too keen on now but I still like a couple of them.
I haven't put this up before but decided I'd love to hear what you guys think.
Thanks to anyone who watches it and for any comments-good or bad!
Enjoy!
I like these, they're slick well produced and funny.
Nice simple ideas, but original and well developed.
If this was your early stuff where are you now?
Wow, you done went and made yourself a sketch show! Well done, mate, that's no small feat. From the amount of locations alone I can see you put a lot of effort into it.
As for the content, like you say, some sketches worked and some didn't. The phone-in competition stuff I enjoyed. Some of the weaker material was in your opening skit (better off excised) and the bit outside the church.
The problem I have with the format as a whole (and I'm prepared to eat a bowl of shit for this) is your lack of USP (or Unique Selling Point). Frankly, there didn't seem to be much there to set you apart from the pack. The sketches were a seemingly ragtag selection of puns, observations and wordplay and it was hard to ascertain who your audience might be. The 'bang out of order' bit for instance, I think my mum would enjoy, but I know she'd be turned of by the 'shit soup', which I liked. All in all, much of the material felt quite "classic" yet some (naming your kid mum) was absurd and quite modern feeling.
I suspect, given that you made this a year ago, that I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know. I'd certainly be interested in seeing what you've made since and wish you the very best with it all.
Quentin (Sarah?)
A very professional looking effort. The opening sketch did not quite work for me either, though I liked the basic idea; perhaps the hesitant delivery didn't help. A couple of weak ones, such as scribble here or the wedding. On the whole the quickfire stuff worked best, and a slightly pacier feel might have made it sharper and given the show more of an individual identity.
Quote: David Bussell @ December 16 2008, 11:19 AM GMTThe problem I have with the format as a whole (and I'm prepared to eat a bowl of shit for this) is your lack of USP (or Unique Selling Point).
I'm starting to think the usp isn't as important as I first thought you know. In fact a too-strong usp will put commissioners off. I agree a show has to have an identity though.
Quote: Lee Henman @ December 16 2008, 1:14 PM GMTI'm starting to think the usp isn't as important as I first thought you know. In fact a too-strong usp will put commissioners off. I agree a show has to have an identity though.
I get what you're saying (from bitter, shared experience) but I think it's important for a new writer to create some kind of hook to hang a sketch show off of. When I say USP I don't necessarily mean a narrow gimmick, like "It's a sketch show on the moon!". Your USP could be as simple as "It's about men, women and their relationships" ala Man/Woman.
What commissioners care about more than anything are performers anyway. Get some names on board and you can write your own ticket.
PS. Hands off my lunar sketch show, Henman.
Quote: sootyj @ December 16 2008, 10:20 AM GMTI like these, they're slick well produced and funny.
Nice simple ideas, but original and well developed.
If this was your early stuff where are you now?
Thanks Sootyj-I really appreciate your comments. To answer your question, Im currently concentrating on attempting to write a sitcom pilot which has been very different to doing sketches but a very enjoyable challenge. I'm hoping to film some more stuff (especially sketches) in the new year.
Quote: David Bussell @ December 16 2008, 11:19 AM GMTWow, you done went and made yourself a sketch show! Well done, mate, that's no small feat. From the amount of locations alone I can see you put a lot of effort into it.
As for the content, like you say, some sketches worked and some didn't. The phone-in competition stuff I enjoyed. Some of the weaker material was in your opening skit (better off excised) and the bit outside the church.
The problem I have with the format as a whole (and I'm prepared to eat a bowl of shit for this) is your lack of USP (or Unique Selling Point). Frankly, there didn't seem to be much there to set you apart from the pack. The sketches were a seemingly ragtag selection of puns, observations and wordplay and it was hard to ascertain who your audience might be. The 'bang out of order' bit for instance, I think my mum would enjoy, but I know she'd be turned of by the 'shit soup', which I liked. All in all, much of the material felt quite "classic" yet some (naming your kid mum) was absurd and quite modern feeling.
I suspect, given that you made this a year ago, that I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know. I'd certainly be interested in seeing what you've made since and wish you the very best with it all.
Once again, thank you David for your comments. It did take a lot of effort but it was worth it as it is something to look back on and take for what it was-a first attempt. I find it useful as a stepping stone on to my next stuff, hopefully improving each time.
Thanks for the positive comments regarding the quiz sketches-we wanted to try and do something a little different. I think my 81 year old Nanna steals the show! 
The opening sketch got a very good response overall on the critique section here but I agree, it didnt work too well overall once filmed-I'll use that as a learning experience and in future be more subjective about what makes it to a final cut.
I agree about the mixed bag of sketches. It started out with the intention of mixing spoofs with short fast punchy sketches aimed mainly towards a 20's/30's age range but we had to take ease of filming into consideration for some that we included and some we didnt get to film. We had four others that I really liked and wanted to include but limitations prevented this-maybe in the new year.
Quote: Timbo @ December 16 2008, 11:50 AM GMTQuentin (Sarah?)
A very professional looking effort. The opening sketch did not quite work for me either, though I liked the basic idea; perhaps the hesitant delivery didn't help. A couple of weak ones, such as scribble here or the wedding. On the whole the quickfire stuff worked best, and a slightly pacier feel might have made it sharper and given the show more of an individual identity.
Well spotted Timbo-my name is indeed Sarah! Quentin proved a nice distraction though Thank you to you Timbo for your comments-I really do appreciate people taking the time to watch the video and to make comments. It seems the majority of people who watch this feel the opening sketch shouldnt have been included which is a shame but I agree Timbo, the delivery of it wasnt quite how I pictured it in my head. No fault of the actors, who were amazing and gave up a lot of their time. I should have spoken up and given better direction, but, again, this is something to note for the future. Thanks again Timbo!
Quote: Lee Henman @ December 16 2008, 1:14 PM GMTI'm starting to think the usp isn't as important as I first thought you know. In fact a too-strong usp will put commissioners off. I agree a show has to have an identity though.
Thanks for watching the video Lee and for taking the time to comment. I totally agree about a show needing an identity and would aim to achieve this in future work. One of the most important things when I started this project was to have a piece of work to demonstrate my production skills for possible future work, as opposed to any writing ability. The writing is something I found I enjoyed and will hopefully improve upon as I do more. All of the advice from you guys will certainly help me with this!
Thanks everyone 