Just a little sketch I wrote last night.
SCENE. EXT. STREET. DAY.
A FIREMAN is walking down the street whe a WOMAN runs up to him.
WOMAN
Oh thank goodness, my house is on fire can you please help me?
FIREMAN
I'd love to but err I'm not a fireman, I'm going to a fancy dress party.
WOMAN
Oh right, ok sorry.
FIREMAN
(Walking away, under his breath) phew!
END
I feel there could be a better ending... but if you have any ideas, like paris hilton I'm open to anything.
I liked it. The ending's OK - maybe just a guilty expression and shuffling off would suffice.
Maybe you could have a sequence with policeman, nurse, etc and then a big payoff.
Maybe he could say 'I'm busy' then the next shot is of him rescuing az cat from a tree.
I liked it very much to Mr Watson.
Hmmm I think the problem's at the start, there's no reason in the script for the Fireman not to help her. If he was reading a newspaper we'd think he was lazy, if he takes a look at the flames and decides against it then he's scared...etc.
Quote: ajp29 @ July 6, 2007, 1:02 PMMaybe he could say 'I'm busy' then the next shot is of him rescuing az cat from a tree.
that'd work well if woman at the beginning is an ugly old hag and the 'cat woman' is a sexy hot chick. Stick in a gratuitous bum shot, then if people don't think it's funny, at least they've seen a nice ass.
worked for benny hill!
Benny Hill didn't have a nice ass, you're wierd 
at least i can spell 
Quote: Nick Rivers @ July 6, 2007, 3:31 PMat least i can spell
arse?
thanks for feedback... I'll go with the cat in the tree... or possibly:
FIREMAN
(picks up mobile) we ready to destroy the paramedics at the pub quiz tonight?!
Ok ok! cat out of tree it is.
Quote: JohnnyD @ July 6, 2007, 3:34 PMarse?
yes, the 'sexy hot chick' of course being a nice looking female donkey.
I think it worked as it was ... the changes offered didn't improve it in my mind!
The gag is that the fireman won't help, cut it at that (for me)!
Hi Paul ... how are you?
Frankie xxx
Needs a lot of work, Paul, e.g making it into a series of sketches on how the fireman dodges his responsibilities with increasing abandon and disastrous results...
I go with Frankie and Paul's original.
There's no need to explain every gag with back story and motive in a sketch. If you want to make it into a longer piece or series then maybe develop it along those lines but here I think the confusion comes in the various approaches to sketches.
Some sketches are great character studies that run and run with new levels added but imo the main (and original) purpose of a sketch is to deliver a laugh as fast and as simply as possible, which I think Paul does with almost masterful economy. This sketch isn't concerned with amazingly detailed character portrayal. As a plain gag, the completely unhelpful fireman is a stereotype inversion that needs no frills.
Comedy is often the ordinary taken out of context, and you'll sometimes find adding context can destroy the joke.
For example, explain the psychological reasons why the fireman acts that way and the audience instead of laughing goes "Ah, well, it's totally logically why he reacted that way because of his first rejection by a girl 33 years ago." It's now become Linda LaPlante drama not comedy.
I disagree, Slag A. IMO this could be economically funny but it's the missing ingredient that makes it not funny at all. I echo Shoepie's idea that there is no reason for the fireman not to want to help. Give it that and you give the sketch its raison d'etre. If it's carried off convincingly then it will have 'masterful economy'.