British Comedy Guide

One Liners Page 3

Quote: chipolata @ December 8 2008, 12:56 PM GMT

Where's your best line, Marc?

Err... I think my favourite of mine at the moment is

DELANEY:
Since when does the wants of an old brass like Jackie Maloney send the Met's finest looking for me on a Saturday night.

BONNER:
Since the brass got rubbed.

And of others..

'I do think it's a bit rich RTD complaining about on-the-nose dialogue when half his lines in Doctor Who might as well have been written by Pinocchio.'
Griff

From my work-in-progress Starbucks On Ice:

"Only wankers drink frappuccino."

I'd Keira Knightley.

I'm no Steven Wright, but I was happy with this one:

I went out in the height of fashion last night: stilts.

"I'm sick of seeing Marilyn Monroe! Everyone says she's sooo beautiful, but look at her f**king arms!"

See it's a joke because... Um... Okay it isn't, I just like the flow of it.

Quote: Marc P @ December 5 2008, 5:37 PM GMT

What's your favourite one liner that you have written? Could be in a drama or a comedy.

And a one liner can be someone's reply to a question in my lexicon.

I told my doctor I worried I would get alzheimer's; he said "just forgot about it."

From my stand-up routine.

I just thought up a good alzheimer's one:

I was wrongly diagnosed with alzheimer's once. I remember the day clearly.

and

I remember when I was diagnosed with alzheimer's

I've just been diagnosed with Altzheimer's. But on the bright side, at least I don't have Altzheimer's.

My favourite current one liner, "Internet dating? Isn't that a bit like playing spin the bottle in a mental asylum?"

Blobster is on a boring conference call.... made up this rather bad joke:
=========================

It's a little known fact, but Alzheimer invented the Guiltless French Fry... he called it the "No Memory Chip"

Groan... sorry.. best I could do.

Homeopathy? It's all right in small doses.

Quote: Griff @ December 10 2008, 4:48 PM GMT

Have you ever tried stand-up Marc?

He'd be good as Tim Vine's warm up. They have similar styles.

Heckler."Well that's 10 minutes of my life I'll never get back!"

Stand-up comic: "What do you care? you weren't doing anything with it anyway"

Quote: Marc P @ December 10 2008, 10:44 AM GMT

I'd Keira Knightley.

And I'd Arthur Daly (stretch I know !!!)

Quote: chipolata @ December 10 2008, 5:03 PM GMT

He'd be good as Tim Vine's warm up. They have similar styles.

Who's Tim Vine. Is he as gritty in his comedy as me then?

Quote: Marc P @ December 10 2008, 5:26 PM GMT

Who's Tim Vine. Is he as gritty in his comedy as me then?

He's like a butcher manlier Marc P.

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