THE BAD IMPRESSIONIST
INT. A TRENDY BAR - NIGHT
A GROUP OF ATTRACTIVE 20 SOMETHINGS SIT ON A COUPLE OF SOFAS DRINKING AND CHATTING AMONGST THEMSELVES. THEY ARE, AMY, TERRY AND PHILIPA.
TERRY
OK. So the end got a bit silly, but it’s a FUN movie.
THERE’S A PLAYFUL OUTCRY FROM THE GROUP.
AMY
Oh come on. He knocks a bomb off the bottom of his car with the hook of a crane. THE HOOK OF A CRANE for Christ’s sake.
TERRY
Like I said, it’s a dumb actio... Oh god it’s Henry.
WE SEE A YOUNG MAN DRESSED IN A SUIT AND TIE STANDING AMONGST A CROWD WITH A PINT IN HIS HANDS.
TERRY (CONT'D)
No, don’t look. Don’t look.
HENRY SPOTS THEM AND WAVES.
TERRY (CONT'D)
Awww he’s coming over.
PHILIPA
Oh be nice.
HENRY
Hey guys!
TERRY STANDS UP AND SHAKES HENRY’S HAND.
TERRY
Henry! How you been mate?
HENRY
Yeah, not too bad. Not too bad.
PHILIPA
Wanna join us? We were just talking about The Transporter 2.
HENRY
Oh, hey sure.
HENRY SITS ON THE SOFA NEXT TO TERRY.
TERRY
So as I was saying. It’s just a dumb action movie. If you go in there expecting Shakespear or something you’re in for a disapointment.
HENRY SLOWLY, ALMOST MENACINGLY, TURNS HIS HEAD TOWARD TERRY UNTIL HE IS LOOKING AT HIM DIRECTLY SIDE ON
TERRY (CONT'D)
You’ve gotta take the film on it’s own terms y’know? Accept it for what i//
HENRY
(SHOUTING)
Would you like to see my newest impression?!
EVERYONE IS STARTLED.
AMY
That’s OK Hen//
HENRY
(SHOUTING)
Gordon Brown!
HENRY PUTS HIS ARMS OUT INFRONT OF HIM AND SWAYS BACK AND FORTH, IMPERSONATING A FAT PERSON. HE STICKS HIS TOUNGE INTO HIS LOWER LIP AND PUTS ON A SPAZZY VOICE.
HENRY (CONT'D)
Murrr murrr I am Gordon Brown EH HUM EH HUM
THE GROUP GROANS.
HENRY (CONT'D)
(SHOUTING)
Here’s another one! Brian Blessed!
HENRY PUTS HIS ARMS OUT INFRONT OF HIM AND SWAYS BACK AND FORTH, IMPERSONATING A FAT PERSON. HE STICKS HIS TOUNGE INTO HIS LOWER LIP AND PUTS ON A SPAZZY VOICE.
HENRY (CONT'D)
Murrr murrr I am Brian Blessed EH HUM EH HUM.
TERRY
Henry. Stop.
HENRY PUTS HIS ARMS OUT INFRONT OF HIM AND SWAYS BACK AND FORTH, IMPERSONATING A FAT PERSON. HE STICKS HIS TOUNGE INTO HIS LOWER LIP AND PUTS ON A SPAZZY VOICE.
HENRY
Murrr murr I am Keanu Reeves EH HUM EH HUM
TERRY
Shut up Henry!
HENRY
You shut up Terry!
TERRY
Your impressions all sound exactly the f**king same.
HENRY
No they don’t! My intonation is completely different
AMY
Hey Henry, here’s an impression of you. Murr murr I am a mong EER EER ERR
PHILIPA
No need for that!
HENRY
Well screw the lot of you!
HENRY STORMS OFF.
PHILIPA
Now was that really necessary? You’ve gone and really upset the guy
AMY
This is my impression of someone who gives a shit.
AMY’S FACE SCREWS UP INTO MOCK CONCERN BEFORE SHE THROWS HER ARMS UP IN THE AIR AND SHAKES THEM. SHE SILENTLY MIMES ‘WHY GOD WHY’ AND THEN STARTS BANGING HER FISTS ON THE TABLE, FEIGNING RAGE.
FADE OUT.
