My kid told me an octopus has 8 testicles. I told him that's bollocks.
I caught my wife watching the season finale of Lost. She said it was the only way she was guaranteed a climax.
Your Favourite Quick One Liners? Page 2
My dog has no nose!!!
How does he smell?
Of badger blood 
In a perfect world, Beyonce's dad would have been Roy Castle.
Quote: Ned1984 @ December 8 2008, 7:51 PM GMTIn a perfect world, Beyonce's dad would have been Roy Castle.
Ha ha!
My wife left me because of my views on the environment.
I tried saving water by showering with the neighbours daughter.
Hahaha.
What's green and smells like yellow paint? Green Paint.
I work for the Samaritans. I tried to call in sick this morning but the f**kers talked me out of it.
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny; you couldn't even swing a cat in there.
I rang the local ramblers club yesterday.
The bloke at the other end went on and on and on .
I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
Quote: Ned1984 @ December 8 2008, 10:42 PM GMTWhat's green and smells like yellow paint? Green Paint.
I work for the Samaritans. I tried to call in sick this morning but the f**kers talked me out of it.
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny; you couldn't even swing a cat in there.
I rang the local ramblers club yesterday.
The bloke at the other end went on and on and on .I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
They're ace!
90% Tim Vine, I think?
Quote: Aaron @ December 8 2008, 11:09 PM GMT90% Tim Vine, I think?
Probably, just some of the ones that popped into my head.
Quote: Ned1984 @ December 8 2008, 10:42 PM GMTI work for the Samaritans. I tried to call in sick this morning but the f**kers talked me out of it.
Especially liked this one.
A new girl started at work today and I offered her instant promotion in return for sex...
I'd love to see her face when she finds out I'm not the boss!
Two lions walking down a supermarket aisle
One turns to the other and says "Quiet in here today, isn't it?"
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "F**k off, you won't bring it back."
Quote: Ned1984 @ December 9 2008, 9:58 PM GMTA new girl started at work today and I offered her instant promotion in return for sex...
I'd love to see her face when she finds out I'm not the boss!Two lions walking down a supermarket aisle
One turns to the other and says "Quiet in here today, isn't it?"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "F**k off, you won't bring it back."
(They're 2 liners!)
But can you do this?
Quote: David Chapman @ December 10 2008, 12:08 AM GMT(They're 2 liners!)
I like to bend the rules now and again.