TIGER

F/X:TROPICAL RAIN FOREST. TIGER ROAR.
TIGER 1:Morning. Do you know what day it is?

TIGER 2:Tuesday?

TIGER 1:Ah put not any Tuesday...

TIGER 2ancake Day?

TIGER 1on't be stupid this is the most important day for a tiger, it's the day you earn your stripes.

TIGER 2:Right.... these stripes here... well that was quick.. now can we make pancakes.

TIGER 1on't be facetious, I can easily take them away.

TIGER 2:How?

TIGER 1:I have inmac... now stop kidding this is important.

TIGER 2SIGH) Okay what do I have to do?

TIGER 1:Well can you kill a Gazelle?

TIGER 2:Am I dead? Does it look like I have starved to death?

TIGER 1:No obviously. But this is different you'll have to do it under exam conditions.

TIGER 2:You want me to kill them in a classroom?

TIGER 1:You are not taking this seriously.

TIGER 2:You think? Look I don't need this I know I'm a tiger, you know I'm a tiger.

TIGER 1:There are penalties if you don't take it. Remember Tony?

TIGER 2GULPS)

TIGER 1:Your plan not looking so grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeat now is it?

TIGER 2kay, now which Gazelle?

END

Love this! - especially the exchange in the middle:

Quote: dannyjb1 @ December 7 2008, 9:43 PM GMT

Don't be stupid this is the most important day for a tiger, it's the day you earn your stripes.

TIGER 2:Right.... these stripes here... well that was quick.. now can we make pancakes.

TIGER 1on't be facetious, I can easily take them away.

TIGER 2:How?

TIGER 1:I have inmac... now stop kidding this is important.

TIGER 2SIGH) Okay what do I have to do?

TIGER 1:Well can you kill a Gazelle?

TIGER 2:Am I dead? Does it look like I have starved to death?

TIGER 1:No obviously. But this is different you'll have to do it under exam conditions.

TIGER 2:You want me to kill them in a classroom?

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Definitely deserving of ice cream - I'll meet you down at the H-D cafe!

Hmm not to much of a fan, it's alot of puns that zig zag and don't really go anywhere.

A little bit of structuring or characterisation would make it stronger.

Quote: sootyj @ December 7 2008, 10:01 PM GMT

Hmm not to much of a fan, it's alot of puns that zig zag and don't really go anywhere.

A little bit of structuring or characterisation would make it stronger.

View original

There's one pun! The classroom one!

But hey not everyones cup of tea, to be honest of all the sketchs I've written this is the one I was most unsure of (which is why in essence it's in critigue).

Ok then 118 118 style badoomtish gags.

It might work if the tigers had more definable characters.

Quote: sootyj @ December 7 2008, 10:06 PM GMT

Ok then 118 118 style badoomtish gags.

It might work if the tigers had more definable characters.

View original

Okay I don't even see that to be honest (I'd be glad if I can write 118 118 style gags at the moment ) but your not the only person unsure about aspects of this particular sketch.. will file in the 'maybe revisit'

Not bad, there are potential for Tony The Tiger gags though, e.g; One I wrote was,

'I got an invite to Tony The Tiger's wedding but I hope I don't get a Frostie reception.'

You are sending that to 118 118 Nigel aren't you?

It's grrreeeaaat.

Quote: sootyj @ December 7 2008, 10:26 PM GMT

You are sending that to 118 118 Nigel aren't you?

It's grrreeeaaat.

View original

Sent it about 2 weeks ago.

Thinking maybe it might work in more of a farm setting, with an insobordinate private, oh I dunno, I maybe unsure of this but really like some of the dialog, have to do something with it.

Maybe I'll sleep on it.

It's all over the place this one, Danny. The problem is that it's less a sketch than a jumble of tiger jokes. Think of it in terms of a story. What are the stakes? The tiger is being told he must kill a gazelle to earn his stripes or else he'll end up like Tony. Without knowing what happened to Tony we don't know what those stakes are, do we, so any dramatic tension just fizzles out.

Quote: David Bussell @ December 8 2008, 1:43 PM GMT

It's all over the place this one, Danny. The problem is that it's less a sketch than a jumble of tiger jokes. Think of it in terms of a story. What are the stakes? The tiger is being told he must kill a gazelle to earn his stripes or else he'll end up like Tony. Without knowing what happened to Tony we don't know what those stakes are, do we, so any dramatic tension just fizzles out.

View original

As I said above gonna re-think it... was hoping the Grrrrrr and Tony reference was enough to suggest that you might end up having to leave the jungle and 'sell out'.

What I find interesting about this sketch is the perception, can't honestly see any tiger jokes and no puns yet two people have said it contains both.

As I said before was unsure on this, still am quiet frankly, thanks, as always for comments.

Quote: dannyjb1 @ December 8 2008, 1:50 PM GMT

What I find interesting about this sketch is the perception, can't honestly see any tiger jokes and no puns yet two people have said it contains both.

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Surely the central joke of "earning your stripes" has to qualify as a tiger pun?

Quote: David Bussell @ December 8 2008, 1:52 PM GMT

Surely the central joke of "earning your stripes" has to qualify as a tiger pun?

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Not really a pun as I understand them, but as I say this is definitly going into the 'rethink later' pile.

Think I need to expand the premise a little, if I revisit it.

Quote: dannyjb1 @ December 8 2008, 1:57 PM GMT

Not really a pun as I understand them.

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Pun:
the humorous use of a word or phrase so as to emphasize or suggest its different meanings or applications.

It's a pun alright.