Squeamish

An idea for six fifteen minute horror stories in the style of 1940s radio. Before anyone says anything it's meant to be very poorly written, because that was how the shows were done.

SCENE 1. SET UP
F/X:THUNDER

NARRATOR:The dark. The endless companion of the moon. Who knows what secrets it hides? Who knows what the curtain of night secludes in its’ unfolded majesty? Tonight, I intend to take you into the very bowels of horror. Tonight, you will join me in plumbing the very depths of the human psyche, in a story I call…The Marylebone Murdering Monster.

F/X:MASSIVE CLAP OF THUNDER

NARRATOR:My story starts in an old antique shop. Well, in the arcade outside an old antique shop to be precise. It is night time, so this is an old antique shop which has taken the twenty four hour culture to hand. Also security is probably pretty lax as most places lock up arcades at night…(thought) There’s quite a few logistical problems with this story already. Anyway, Major Ronald Myers has seen something in the window he likes. What he was doing down an alley at night I don’t really want to go into…we’ll start the story.

MYERS:My word. A medal from the 1840 war of some kind.

MRS MYERS:Is it valuable?

MYERS:My dear wife, I have been collecting medals like that for about forty years as you well know. I know my medals. And that is one.

MRS MYERS:Well, if oyu have your heart set on it

MYERS:I’ve never noticed this shop here before…

F/X:CREAKING DOOR

NARRATOR:The door opened. The dust and musty smell of the old shop was immediately apparent. But so was the treasure trove of bric-a-brac and furniture which greeted them. It seemed too good to be true

MRS MYERS:I hope it’s not one of those evil antiques shops, where everything is cursed.

MYERS:Nonsense. The council closed all of those down last year.

SHOP KEEPEREVIL) Can I help you?

MYERS:Yes, I’m very interested in that medal you have in the window. The collectable one.

SHOP KEEPERh, you want…the medal.

MYERS:Yes.

SHOP KEEPER:It’s not for sale.

MYERS:Then why, my good man have you put it in the window?

SHOP KEEPER:There is a tale attached to that medal, Sir. A tale so strange, so dark, that whenever I relate the tale to anyone, anyone at all, my head rotates. You see, it belonged to a man who died many years ago, and some say his ghost wanders the night, looking for his badge of valour. Besides, he said he’d be back in Wednesday.

MYERS:I collect medals, I have done for forty years, and I want to buy that medal. I shall give you cash for it.

SHOP KEEPERh, no. I cannot unleash the evil power of that particular talismen. You seem such nice people. The medal is beyond value

MYERS:Four quid.

SHOP KEEPERo you want it wrapped?

NARRATOR:And so the transaction took place. Failing to heed the shop keepers advice of keeping the medal in a locked metal box at the bottom of the canal, they opted for the less secure paper bag. Mr Myers was keen – perhaps too keen to show his children

CHILDaddy, Daddy!

MRS MYERS:Now, Winston, don’t irritate your father.

CHILD2:Has he got a new medal?

CHILD3:I dreamt daddy had bought a new medal and it was evil! It was evil and there was a monster and he was going to kill us all!!!

CHILD4:Can I have some milk?

MRS MYERS:But…you’re lactose intolerant!
GRAMSRAMATIC CHORDS

I like this - the theme, the mystery, the casual glossing over of ridiculous plot points and historical inaccuracies - all very good. I can imagine it being recorded in a very muffled and crackly fashion to capture that 1940's feel.

Worth persevering with I think.

Bo.

I thought the general idea was sound. I found it hard to pin it down as one or the other of 'humour' or 'horror'. There must be more of it (?) to fix the genre. I can just about remember some 1940's radio which, despite being 'clunky', sometimes made me fall off my chair laughing, other times scare my pants off (Round the Horn vs. Journey into Space of late 40's / early 50's). The Goon Show was also very good radio for creating visual imagery just via 'sound'. I think you need to be careful that the dialogue (narrator and characters) doesn't contain phraseology from a much later period. On the whole though I think it has potential ... I'd like to see some more ... you have a lot of words in the above but not an enormous amount has actually happened yet.

Quote: Ed Parnell @ July 4, 2007, 12:19 AM

Before anyone says anything it's meant to be very poorly written, because that was how the shows were done.

NARRATOR:The dark. The endless companion of the moon. Who knows what secrets it hides? Who knows what the curtain of night secludes in its’ unfolded majesty? Tonight, I intend to take you into the very bowels of horror. Tonight, you will join me in plumbing the very depths of the human psyche, in a story I call…The Marylebone Murdering Monster.

View original

Yeah. This bit works and does sound like a radio narrator from that era. Very bombastic. This however:

F/X:MASSIVE CLAP OF THUNDER

NARRATOR:My story starts in an old antique shop. Well, in the arcade outside an old antique shop to be precise. It is night time, so this is an old antique shop which has taken the twenty four hour culture to hand. Also security is probably pretty lax as most places lock up arcades at night…(thought) There’s quite a few logistical problems with this story already. Anyway, Major Ronald Myers has seen something in the window he likes. What he was doing down an alley at night I don’t really want to go into…we’ll start the story.

Is pretty terrible. Sorry. You spend too long describing the shop, go off on tangents (and no, this was not a common thing to do in those days)and lose the excellent tone you established in the first paragraph. I think it needs work

Oh, and you need to have your characters refer to each other by name more. You've named them but they just refer to one another as 'Wife' (I don't think that's how they reffered to one another by the way) or whatever. Radio isn't a visual medium and a voice is a lot harder to recognizes than a person

Quote: socknose @ July 4, 2007, 10:48 AM

Yeah. This bit works and does sound like a radio narrator from that era. Very bombastic. This however:

F/X:MASSIVE CLAP OF THUNDER

NARRATOR:My story starts in an old antique shop. Well, in the arcade outside an old antique shop to be precise. It is night time, so this is an old antique shop which has taken the twenty four hour culture to hand. Also security is probably pretty lax as most places lock up arcades at night…(thought) There’s quite a few logistical problems with this story already. Anyway, Major Ronald Myers has seen something in the window he likes. What he was doing down an alley at night I don’t really want to go into…we’ll start the story.

Is pretty terrible. Sorry. You spend too long describing the shop, go off on tangents (and no, this was not a common thing to do in those days)and lose the excellent tone you established in the first paragraph. I think it needs work

Oh, and you need to have your characters refer to each other by name more. You've named them but they just refer to one another as 'Wife' (I don't think that's how they reffered to one another by the way) or whatever. Radio isn't a visual medium and a voice is a lot harder to recognizes than a person

View original

That's probably true. However, I was just trying out an idea. It was three am or something, and my sleep patterns are worse than ever. What I *think* I was trying to do is give the impression of someone sayig these things, then thinking them through as they were speaking. So it would start off a a horror bit, then the noraml voice would creep in as the realisation that this doesn't hold water. That's what I was trying to do. And obviously, like Saturday night ITV, failing.

I like the idea, Ed. And you do capture the '40s feel in most parts but the number of children, I'd suggest cutting to two because, although families were larger, as SockNose says, it is radio and the less voices the better.

I remember a comment on the Royal Tapes seminar about a script that had 7 Newcastle girls going to blackpool, they said it was a nightmare trying to give each a totally distinct voice given that the accents were so restrictive. They advised using as few people as possible in radio.

But I do like the feel and the child's comment about the evil medal dream is a nice touch, a toungue-in-cheek reference to a real horror technique.

Quote: SlagA @ July 4, 2007, 12:17 PM

I like the idea, Ed. And you do capture the '40s feel in most parts but the number of children, I'd suggest cutting to two because, although families were larger, as SockNose says, it is radio and the less voices the better.

I remember a comment on the Royal Tapes seminar about a script that had 7 Newcastle girls going to blackpool, they said it was a nightmare trying to give each a totally distinct voice given that the accents were so restrictive. They advised using as few people as possible in radio.

But I do like the feel and the child's comment about the evil medal dream is a nice touch, a toungue-in-cheek reference to a real horror technique.

View original

You and me. Strippers. Hotel. Brighton.

Oh, God, I just read that back. I should make it clear we are NOT the strippers.

Quote: socknose @ July 4, 2007, 10:48 AM

Is pretty terrible. Sorry. You spend too long describing the shop, go off on tangents (and no, this was not a common thing to do in those days)and lose the excellent tone you established in the first paragraph. I think it needs work

View original

I just read this through again and perhaps it's overlaying one thing with another. What I am trying to do is get a Live Radio Theatre feel to it, but maybe the narrator should remain in character....

I'll have a think about this.

Quote: Ed Parnell @ July 4, 2007, 2:08 PM

I just read this through again and perhaps it's overlaying one thing with another. What I am trying to do is get a Live Radio Theatre feel to it, but maybe the narrator should remain in character....

I'll have a think about this.

View original

Well that makes more sense. It just felt a little meandering to me. Don't get me wrong though, the idea has potential and parts of the script were good, I just think it needs a little touching up is all

I liked it. There were several unpredictable bits I laughed at. And the ending was very anticlimactic - but also somehow subtley (how do you spell it?)very clever!

Quote: socknose @ July 4, 2007, 6:11 PM

Well that makes more sense. It just felt a little meandering to me. Don't get me wrong though, the idea has potential and parts of the script were good, I just think it needs a little touching up is all

View original

Agreed. As do I.

Quote: David Chapman @ July 4, 2007, 11:15 PM

I liked it. There were several unpredictable bits I laughed at. And the ending was very anticlimactic - but also somehow subtley (how do you spell it?)very clever!

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Cheers Dave. It has some way to go but I am trying to develop and finish at least three projects a week, although I may take a break tomorrow as I might be making myself unwell through overwork.

Quote: Bohannon @ July 4, 2007, 8:22 AM

I like this - the theme, the mystery, the casual glossing over of ridiculous plot points and historical inaccuracies - all very good. I can imagine it being recorded in a very muffled and crackly fashion to capture that 1940's feel.

Worth persevering with I think.

Bo.

View original

Thank you. That was the entire idea behind it. I may record it myself and put a 78rpm effect on the beginning which fades out quick to give the entire thing a bit of time locale.

Quite pleased.