British Comedy Guide

The worst neighbour you've ever had? Page 5

Quote: zooo @ December 7 2008, 11:36 PM GMT

None of my old relatives would ever do/have done naughty swearing. That must be why I don't like it.

If only I'd been surrounded by more old f**kers as a child!

Then you could have been Catherine Tate and never met Aaron. What a bummer!

Quote: zooo @ December 7 2008, 11:36 PM GMT

None of my old relatives would ever do/have done naughty swearing.

While I was growing up my parents would say 'shit' on occasion, but now that I'm an adult they'll occasionally drop the F-bomb. It always cracks me up because it's so unexpected.

My father still does not swear in front of me if he can help it my mother never and the worst word I ever say is bloody. From the man who wrote a sketch whose last word was c**t. Strange isn't it.

Quote: roscoff @ December 7 2008, 11:43 PM GMT

and the worst word I ever say is bloody.

Is that cos you're a teacher?

It's like being a Blue Peter presenter. :)

I can still remember the first time I heard my Dad really swearing. I came home from school one afternoon when we had a decorator in, putting new wallpaper up in the front room, and I heard my Dad laughing and joking with him, dropping F-bombs all over the place.

My Dad swears like a trooper. Every word under the sun. My Mum will only go as far as "bloody". Because of this I feel okay saying naughty words in front of him but not her.

My mum gets terribly offended. I do try and stop myself most of the time, but occasionally it slips out. (Oo er.)

Quote: roscoff @ December 7 2008, 11:15 PM GMT

And me.

Anyhoo when I was first dating the spawn of Satan (my ex) my future in-laws place became available for a week as they went on holiday. So we moved in. After a week of mediocre sex I left.

The next time I slept there I respectfully slept on the settee as her parents were big chapel people and would have disapproved of us f**king like bunnies. However what neither my future wife or I considered was mad Mrs Watkins next door. This is how it played....

I wake up on the settee to horrendous shouting outside the window. Mrs Watkins.
'I know what your doing! Your f**king f**king f**king! F**king disgusting. I saw you go in! I f**king saw you . You f**king whore you f**king whore. You're a whore. I know your name I know your name. Your a whore. Your name is Derek you f**king rapist. They've gone and f**ked off you f**king whore.'

My ex's brother's name is Derek not mine just to add a little incest twist there. Happy days.

To be fair, that was just the way Mrs. Watkins always talked. Here, I found her shopping list:

F**king peanut butter
F**king jelly
F**king bread (don't forget f**king coupon)
F**king toilet paper.....

Well, it gets kind of filthy after that...but you get the gist.

I never stop swearing myself but the my sitcom has no swear words in it at all, what does this mean?

The only time I can remember my dad actually really swearing badly is when we had a new window fitted in the back of the house and before the putty was dry I put a football through it. Not a good day.

Quote: bighead65 @ December 7 2008, 11:57 PM GMT

I never stop swearing myself but the my sitcom has no swear words in it at all, what does this mean?

It means that you've subconsciously aimed it at the lucrative mainstream family market. :)

Quote: Little Jersey Devil @ December 7 2008, 11:57 PM GMT

To be fair, that was just the way Mrs. Watkins always talked. Here, I found her shopping list:

F**king peanut butter
F**king jelly
F**king bread (don't forget f**king coupon)
F**king toilet paper.....

Well, it gets kind of filthy after that...but you get the gist.

It's like you knew her.

I think I was that neighbour...

Or rather my mother was, she ran a pub, impromptue parties, a new "uncle" at the breakfast table every weekend, regular visitors included police & ambulance crews, fights and shouting from "guests" must have cheered the people either side of our East London terraced house much of the time.

I was never short of a broken window to climb out of to escape the "Grown up's difference of opinion"

I thought every mother called thier children "F**kface"

Friend of mine's mother was the most horrible of horrible bitches. Sleeping around, drugs, alcohol, all but a prostitute in many respects. And yet still a devout Catholic who flipping mentalist and disowned her daughter when she came out as a lesbian.

Americans. *shakes head and tuts*

I had a neighbor who lived above me in this apartment I lived in for a very short while (I broke the lease and found a new place it was so bad) who made furniture during the day out of her apartment (but no one told us this until we were living there, plus I never once saw anything products leave her apartment) and blared her TV all night (and when I say blared I mean it was full blast and just above my bedroom). When I asked her to at least keep it down past 11 she told me to mind my own business because it helped her sleep....HOW COULD ANYONE SLEEP?!
She also called the city to complain the 1 time my fiancee decided to listen to music during the day. When the bylaw officer came by he knocked on the door and said "what are you the 5th person to move in this place within the last year?". He dropped the charge because he quickly realized the lady upstairs was nuts.
Oh yea once she also parked her car by the 1 of only 3 small windows in the basement apartment. The tail pipe was right beside the window and was pumping exhaust into the house....she had her choice of 3 parking spots but no she thought it best to park on the lawn so she didn't have to walk 3 less steps.
My god I hated that welfare case.

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