British Comedy Guide

Song Sketch

Does this one work?

JOE IS STANDING ON HIS OWN WAITING FOR A LIFT. HARRY WALKS OVER.

Joe (singing): I'll be queer.

Harry: Bloody hell! Don't sing that! And anyway, it's 'I'll be there' not 'I'll be queer'.

Joe: Are you sure?

Harry: Yes. Positive.

Joe: The Michael Jackson song?

Harry: Yes. He sung 'I'll be there', when he was in the Jackson 5 I think.

Joe: Oh right. I actually prefer my version if I'm being honest.

Harry: I wouldn't sing it too loud if I were you though. I mean....

Joe (singing): 'I'll be queer'.

Harry: Pack it in! Someone will hear you! (PAUSES) And it's homophobic!

Joe: Don't be stupid. How can a song have a star sign?

Harry: Jesus! 'Homophobic' isn't a star sign you idiot! It's a...

JOE STARTS TO HUM THE SONG.

Harry: Oh please yourself.

HARRY SMACKS THE LIFT DOOR

Harry (cont'd): Bloody lift playing up again! I'll take the stairs.

Joe: No need (PAUSE) Here it is. (SMILES)

LIFT DOOR OPENS. HARRY WALKS IN.

Joe (cont'd): And I wouldn't get too worked up about the song if I was you.

Harry: Why?

Joe: Because you wont hear it again.

Harry: That's good.

LIFT DOOR SHUTS.

Joe: I will be singing it at your funeral though.

LIFT DOOR SHUTS. WE HEAR HARRY SCREAM. ON THE CLOSED LIFT DOOR WE SEE A SIGN SAYING "LIFT OUT OF ORDER, PLEASE USE STAIRS" JOE WALKS DOWN THE STAIRS SINGING.

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