This is an attempt to write a radio sketch using the censor's tool of the bleep. I'd be interested in your views on how it works. I've used [BLEEP] to denote a bleep, helpfully.
HARRY SHIT
F/X PHONE CALL BEING TRANSFERRED.
BUSINESS ADVISER
Thank you for calling Big Bank Business, can I take your name please?
HARRY (on phone)
Harry [BLEEP]
BUSINESS ADVISER
Sorry? I didn't quite catch that.
HARRY
It's Harry. H-A-R-R-Y.
BUSINESS ADVISER
Yes, I got that bit. The surname...?
HARRY
[BLEEP]
BUSINESS ADVISER
Er, I'm still not sure I heard it right, can you spell it for me?
HARRY
S-H-[BLEEP]-T.
BUSINESS ADVISER
T? S-H-[BLEEP]-T? Spelling [BLEEP]?
HARRY
Yes, [BLEEP]. Harry [BLEEP].
BUSINESS ADVISER
Well... Mr, er, [BLEEP], what can I do for you today?
HARRY
I want to apply for a business loan.
BUSINESS ADVISER
Very good, Mr, um... Harry. And what is your business?
HARRY
[BLEEP] Catering.
BUSINESS ADVISER
Pardon?
HARRY
It's a family business.
BUSINESS ADVISER
Oh, I see. Of course.
HARRY
I come from a long line of [BLEEP]s.
BUSINESS ADVISER
I'm sure you do. But are you sure about the name?
HARRY
Well, were considering alternatives.
BUSINESS ADVISER
That's a relief.
HARRY
It's technically [BLEEP], [BLEEP] and [BLEEP] Catering, what with my brothers being involved. But that's a bit longwinded, isn't it?
BUSINESS ADVISER
Longwinded, and...
HARRY
But we want people to know it's a true family firm. When they book [BLEEP] Catering, they can be sure they'll get the [BLEEP]s.
BUSINESS ADVISER (impatient)
Look, your name is [BLEEP].
HARRY
Yes.
BUSINESS ADVISER
And your business name is [BLEEP].
HARRY (correcting)
[BLEEP] Catering!
BUSINESS ADVISER
No, it's [BLEEP].
HARRY (surprised)
There's no need to be rude!
BUSINESS ADVISER
But I think you might have a business, given the right name.
HARRY
Thank you.
BUSINESS ADVISER
How about [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP]s [BLEEP]ing [BLEEP] Catering?
HARRY
That's [BLEEP]ing genius! How much can I borrow for that?
BUSINESS ADVISER
[BLEEP] all. Good day, Mr [BLEEP].
F/X EXTENDED BLEEP (end of call)
END.
