Hi, please read and offer feedback! Many thanks.
INT DAY. INSIDE A FUNERAL DIRECTORS. A SOBER SUITED MAN STANDS BEHIND A COUNTER AS A CUSTOMER APPROACHES.
Funeral director:
Morning, I assume you’ve come to view our range of coffins?
Man:
Yes
Funeral director:
What was your relationship with the deceased?
Man:
Well.. it’s just..it’s just that -
Funeral director:
I know, it’s hard. Tell you what. I’ll show you the brochure.
Man:
That would be nice
Funeral director:
If you are on a budget, the Essex coffin is very affordable – it’s sturdy and reliable.
Man:
Don’t like the fake designer handles and it's a bit orange..
Funeral director:
For a hundred more, at 7-9-9, the Sandringham gives you brass handles and Regency stitching. Dead spacious too..
Man:
Nice. I –
Funeral director:
The Windsor is near the top of the range with its mahogany finish and panel detail. A royal box of ultimate comfort.
Man:
Class.
Funeral director:
Were you very fond of the deceased?
Man:
Tell the truth, the coffin’s for me, you know, for when me time comes..like to plan ahead
Funeral director:
Oh, I’m sorry that you're ill
Man:
Well, I’m a little sniffly and I’ve got tummy ache.
Funeral director:
I see. Well if you buy today you get a free premium wreath and £149.99 off.
Man:
Really? So it’s best to buy now. Hmm
Funeral director:
The offer is cash only sir.
HE PROFFERS A WAD OF CASH WHICH THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR TAKES.
THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR PULLS OUT A PHIAL FROM HIS POCKET AND GIVES IT TO THE MAN.
Funeral director:
Refreshing drink, sir?
Man:
Love it.
HE DRINKS THE POTION WITHIN. HE THEN CHOKES VIOLENTLY AND COLLAPSES INTO THE POSH COFFIN WITH A CONTORTED FACE, UPTURNED PALMS AND FINGERS TENSE LIKE CLAWS.
Man (choking to death):
I'll take it!
Funeral director:
A wise choice sir.
THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR TURNS TO THE CAMERA AND BARES HIS TEETH IN A MOCKERY OF DRACULA
THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR SLAMS THE LID DOWN ON THE COFFIN, POV THE DECEASED.
THE SCREEN GOES BLACK
