Feedback most welcome- I'm new here

(First scene of my first sitcom that i've already submitted and has so far been rejected by the BBC and Baby Cow. I dont know why i sound proud of that.)

SCENE 1. INT. HARRY AND EMMA'S APARTMENT

EMMA IS IN THE ENSUITE BATHROOM APPLYING HER MAKEUP IN THE MIRROR. A TIRED LOOKING HARRY STROLLS IN AND SITS ON THE EDGE OF THE BATH.

HARRY:
Are you working today Em?

EMMA:
Yeah of course

HARRY:
Oh . . .

EMMA:
No, I can't be sick again

HARRY:
Yeah I know that but maybe you could . . .

EMMA:
Or have another death in the family, I've run out of Grandparents

HARRY HUFFS AND STARTS TO READ A COMIC

HARRY:
You are such a geek sometimes, do you know that?

EMMA:
Ah thanks for that. I wish I was a cool dude like you

HARRY:
It's something you're born with babe. I just got lucky

EMMA: (POINTING TO HERSELF)
You certainly did

HARRY:
We are going for a meal tonight aren't we? I'm desperate to get drunk

EMMA:
Harry, going out for a meal isn't about getting drunk

HARRY:
Why?

EMMA:
Going out for a meal is meant to be about socialising, enjoying eachothers company over fine food, and relaxing

HARRY:
Well I always feel relaxed when we eat out

EMMA:
Exactly, because of the socialising and the fine food

HARRY:
Yep. The bottle of wine helps too though

EMMA:
Having wine's alright, I mean I enjoy a glass or two. It just shouldn't be the main reason for wanting to go out for a meal

HARRY:
Well I wouldn't say its the main reason. Although . . .

EMMA:
Can't you just get drunk at home tonight? I bought that girlie cider you like

HARRY:
I could. But its not the same is it. And its not girlie cider, its just . . . smooth

EMMA:
If you just want to get drunk lets stay in yeah? Getting drunk is getting drunk wherever you do it

HARRY:
Yeah but there are no fit girls that serve me nice food here are there

EMMA LOOKS OFFENDED AND POINTS TO HERSELF

HARRY:
Well yeah, there's you. But you always make me do stuff, like carry plates. In restaurants I can just sit. And we don't have those little breadstick things here, or fancy white napkins. And I like watching people

EMMA:
Yeah I've noticed

HARRY:
I didn't mean in a pervy way . . .

EMMA:
No of course not. So what are you doing with yourself today then? Any constructive activities planned? Will you be leaving the apartment?

HARRY:
Hmm, I don't know actually. I was thinking maybe I could . . .

EMMA:
Look for a job?

HARRY LAUGHS

HARRY:
No don't be silly. I was thinking about maybe going to the beach or something. Or buying a mountain bike, something like that. Go for a ride through the forest. Or I might get a facial, my skins been cracking up lately

EMMA:
Well, you just do whatever makes you happy ok

HARRY SMILES

EMMA:
You usually do

HARRY SLIPS AND FALLS BACKWARDS INTO THE BATH

EMMA:
I just shaved my legs in there, i'd wash it out first

END SCENE

Thanks for taking the time to read it. I know there are major flaws in this opening scene but i just thought i'd put it on here and get a fresh opinion on it from people who know what they're talking about. So any feedback is very welcome.

The characters of Harry and Emma are well revealed. You get too know fairly quickly, what they are like.

Harry's a University drop out with a wealthy father who bought him his apartment and pays for Harry's lifestyle- all the while thinking that Harry is still at University. Harry is laid back and lazy and loves living the high life. He gets very nervous that his parents will soon discover his lies and he'll be forced to join the real world.

Emma's a privately educated and fiesty young women who thinks of herself as superior to Harry as he only went to a comprehensive school, despite his parents being a lot richer than hers. She works in a jewellery shop where the majority of customers disgust her and she cant stand chavs. She's a nice girl though, just a bit snobby.

Well written but we need to know where it's going. There are lots of boy/girl dialogue things as good so I think you need an angle or twist.

That's just my opinion though! Good luck and welcome (belatedly!)

I take it this is part of a sitcom. I liked the Banter between Harry & Emma.

I like the dialogue. Refreshingly realistic.

I'll go along with what everyone else is saying. You've got something to work with here.

Hi everyone, and thanks for being gentle with me! I just realised last night that i hadnt given any sort of synopsis or even tod you what its about.

Basically, what i posted is the first scene from a sitcom that i finished about 5 months ago and has already been rejected by the BBC Writersroom and Baby Cow, and i've submitted it to about 6 other production companies who i've yet to hear back from.

The sitcom revolves around the two main characters Harry and Emma and there is a third character, Karl, who lives in the same building as them and he also features heavily and provides a lot of the laughs. Apart from those three, there arent really any other main characters as i wanted to keep it simple and just bring in characters to suit different plotlines when needed.

I would say the unique selling point of my idea is that Harry is living a lie and has to cope with the stress of hiding the fact that he's dropped out of University from his parents. I got a lot of inspiration for Harry from Larry David and George from Seinfeld- especially the whole thing about living a lie and the lengths he'll go to in order to not get found out. Harry's also very lazy and afraid of entering the real world and actually getting a job; he loves being a pretend student.

The relationship between Karl and Harry really highlights Harry's laziness and what an easy life he has because Karl is a hardworking northerner who really resents the fact that Harry doesnt work and gets money from his parents. The character of Karl was inspired by Karl Pilkington (Ricky Gervais Show producer) and i suppose i probably should have changed his name because it is quite obvious to anyone who's heard Karl Pilkington.

I've been obsessed with comedy and sitcoms since i was a child and my writing and motivation for wanting to write is heavily influenced by Seinfeld, Peep Show, The Office, Extras, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Nighty Night as well as the great I'm Alan Partridge and others that slip my mind at the moment.

I started out writing about 2 years ago and this sitcom, which i've yet to name, was originally meant to be very much in the style of Curb Your Enthusiasm mixed with Peep Show and after months of hard work and many rewrites i suppose its not particularly that much like either. I actualy watched the first 6 seasons of Seinfeld whilst writing so maybe theres an influence of that thats crept in- although again, you probably wont agree- maybe its just in my head.

Anyway sorry for rambling on but i thought it might help to know my influences and a bit more about what i was trying to acheive. I've just realised i still havent given much of a synopsis or reaveled any story archs or plots but hopefuly this will have helped a bit.

Thanks so much, i really appreciate all your feedback and hopefully i can return the favour.

Don't change Karl's name!
I did think of him immediately, but I think that's a good thing.

The thing about influences is that they don't have to be the same as your stuff - the further the better really. But they are what give you starting points and maybe very vague references. (I know what I mean)

I liked the line about fit girls serving food....I didn't see it coming, and was cool.

I really enjoyed reading this. The characters of Emma and Harry are well drawn with some great dialogue.

Well written and good characterisation. Although believable I didn't think this part was enormously funny. Maybe you could submit a funny portion, along with the other character Karl perhaps ... which I personally would look forward to seeing.

Thanks everyone, i'm finding all this advice really helpful and motivating. I do plan on putting up a scene with Karl in it soon, but i dont want to get too cheeky by putting too much on too soon as i am only a newbie and i thought i better give some feedback to others first. And i'll try and put a funnier one on, as i know this first scene isnt exactly packed with laughs.