Mummy & Toddler

I have a feeling this wont go down to well LOL. A wee experiment.

Mummy is in the living room, with her 2,and a weeny bit year old toddler.

Toddler
Mumma.(Taps her mums leg) Hungry

Mummy
No I am fine thankyou.

Toddler
(Puzzled)Me hungry Mumma

Mummy
*Srugs*Yea I get you. Lunch is in 10 minutes your Highness okay.

Toddler crawls under the table and starts poking her finger in the plug sockets.

Mummy.
(Claps her hands really hard together, which startles the toddler, who then bangs her head on the table)

Toddler
Whoaaaaaa Whoaaaaaaa. (A large bump appears on her head)

Mummy
Its dangerous see. Don’t do that. If you do that you will DIE. (crawls on all fours to rescue her baby and smashes the little mites head again as she scoops her up)

Toddler
Whoaaaaaa Whoaaaaaaaa.

Mummy
Shhhhhhh! See plug sockets (Shouts) Dangeroooooooous! You could go (screeches) BOOOOOOM!

Toddler’s body goes rigid with shock. She starts to grizzle then holds her breath. Snot is running down her nose. Mummy uses 2 fingers and a thumb to pull the snot off, then flicks it onto a chair.

Mummy
(Trying to take her mind off) Whose chair is that. (Points to the chair now snotted)

Toddler
(Between sobs) Daddys.

Mummy
You want some yummies now.

Toddler
(Between sobs) Yes perwese Mumma.

Mummy carries her toddler into the kitchen. Just as she steps through the door she trips over a toy. The toddler fly’s out of mummy’s hands and miraculously lands head first in her high chair.

Mummy
(On a heap on the floor) Bloodie toys. Points to her upside down toddler then back at the toy. DANGEROUS. See you can go splat.

Toddler
Whoaaaaaaaa whoaaaaaaaa

Mummy hobbles over to turn her toddler up the right way.

Mummy.
There there. Its okay now. Let me make you some nice yum yums.

Mummy swithches the socket to the cooker on.

Toddler
(Claps her beaker loud against her highchair). Mumma die. Waynger WOussss

Mummy jumps out of her skin, her hand catches the saucepan handle & it flips up and smashes her in the head.

Mummy
Owwwwwwww Owwwwwwwwwww.

Toddler
Waynger WOussss go BoooOOOm

Mummy takes a step forward & trips over the saucepan now lying on the floor.

Toddler
Bwuddie toys. Mumma go splat. Waynger Woussss.

Mummy sobs on the floor. Snot running down her nose. She crawls back into the living room & wipes the snot on Daddy’s chair. Then crawls back to the kitchen, heaves herself up on the highchair so she is face to face with her toddler.

Mummy
Right here are the new rules. Touch whatever you want, do whatever you want. If you explode into diddy pieces (shrugs) or splatter across the floor DEADED. Don’t come crying to me. If you break your legs dont come running to me. Get it.

I laughed a lot!!!!!!!!

But no snot came out!

Well observed and very funny!

Thanks David & Jude.
Glad you liked it. xx

this is very very very amazing do you have kids ?

all im going to say is did you imagine it in your head as it comes across like you did.

you should quit your job and do this for real or sell your work

if you do this for real can i be your tea lady-boy

Ian. My tea lady-boy has to do very bad things. I will send you a job description & if still interested pls apply.

Glad you liked it. xxxxxxxx

Oi - bog off Smith ! I was here first (I think)

David i lurrrrrrrrrve you, but you must allow a little bit of lurrrrve for others xxxx

OK - sorry! Shouldn't be so possesive.

There's obviously lots of Charley to go round!!!!!

David.
Is you calling me a porker?

Loved it ... it's what parenting is all about (got several teeshirts on that one!) ... battle of wills ... very good ... do some more!

Thanks everyone. I am pleased it got some great feedback.
xxx

This didn't do anything for me. I wasn't even going to comment, 'cos I've got nothing constructive to say, I can't think why I didn't like it? Bah! I'm too tired, I'll read again tomorrow.

I was expecting some neg comments to be fair Leevil so its all cool. You win some you lose some & all.x

I like it, Charley -it would work very well as as swiftly edited animation. Another hit for me. As Simon high trousers Cowell would say, 'It's a yes!'