Inspired by Bohannon's sketch ‘Teenage Stepdad'. Which you'll need to read to know what's, what.
Just loved his sketch and the set up.
Idea's just popped in so I wrote one as a sketch working from his.
Obviously I asked if he minded me doing this.
Which he didn't (thanx muchly) so...
INT. CAR - DAY
VIA A WINDSCREEN SHOT WE SEE TEENAGE STEPDAD LOOKING ALL CHAV-TASTIC WHILST DRIVING. NEIL'S JUST IN VIEW SAT IN THE BACK.
TEENAGE STEPDAD
What you think of d'car? Sick, innit?
NEIL
More like, shit (CORRECTING HIM) ...isn't it.
TEENAGE STEPDAD
Bet you were a bad boy in your day tho', hey Nee'?
NEIL IGNORES HIM.
TEENAGE STEPDAD
Whoa, come on Grandpa, keep it up.
TEEN STEPDAD HONKS THE HORN REPEATEDLY WHILST GESTURING AT HIS SIDE WINDOW. NEIL LOOKS EMBARRASSED.
NEIL
Why do I have to be here?
TEENAGE STEPDAD
It's for your Mum, she thought it would be nice for us all to spend some time together.
NEIL GLARES OUT THE WINDOW.
NEIL (SIGH)
God, how much longer?
TEENAGE STEPDAD
Soonish.
NEIL
I wasn't talking to you.
MUM'S HEAD POPS UP INTO VIEW.
MUM (WIPING HER MOUTH)
Stop moaning Neil, all I can hear is you going on and on, I'm trying to concentrate here... play on your DS or something.
NEIL (FOLDS ARMS IN A HUFF)
DS, I'm not a bloody child.
TEENAGE STEPDAD
Hey watch that language batty boy, you're not too old for a slap. (NOTICES A STERN LOOK FROM THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE) And take that big jacket off or you'll not feel d' benefit when you's get out.
MUM SMILES AT TEEN STEPDAD. SHE'S THEN ENCOURAGED BY HIS HAND BACK TO HIS GENITALIA REGION.
NEIL (REPULSED)
Does she have to do that in front of me?
TEENAGE STEPDAD
Have to... av to... she's lovin' this, ain't ya Rita?
TEEN STEPDAD LOOKS DOWN AT HER THEN IN THE MIRROR AT NEIL.
TEENAGE STEPDAD (GRINNING. POINTING DOWNWARDS)
She's smiling.
NEIL GRIMACES.
TEENAGE STEPDAD
All but done Nee'... ooh... yeah... oh yes, take it, take it... wow! (RELAXES) mmm... (SNAPS FINGERS) damn that was swicked, you's is finger lickin good.
(TEEN STEPDAD LOOKS IN THE MIRROR AT NEIL) Your Mum can't half suck a cock Nee'.
NEIL GRIMACES AGAIN.
MUM AND TEEN STEPDAD SHARE A MOMENT LICKING EACH OTHERS TONGUES. NEIL REACTS IN THE BACKGROUND. AS THEY FINISH, TEEN STEPDAD TURNS OFF THE ENGINE AND REMOVES THE KEYS.
TEENAGE STEPDAD
That's it m' lad o, kickin out time innit.
THEY START TO GET OUT OF THE CAR WHICH WE NOW SEE IS AN OLD AUSTIN MAXI. IT'S SAT ON A DRIVEWAY. WE SEE NEIL REACH BACK IN FOR HIS DS. AN OLD MAN IS STOOD WAITING OUTSIDE THE CAR.
TEEN STEPDAD THROWS HIM THE CAR KEYS.
TEENAGE STEPDAD
Gratitude.
MUM (TO OLD MAN)
Ooo, thanks for that Dad, we had a great time (GIGGLES LIKE A TEENAGER). Be even better when he gets his licence and we can take it off the drive.
END.
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