THE QUEEN IS ANSWERING THE DOOR TO A ERNEST SOCIAL WORKER.
QUEEN
What do you want little person, it's 8 bloody 30, one hasn't had one's morning gin yet.
SOCIAL WORKER.
Mrs Elizabeth Windsor, I'm with Windsor social services.
QUEEN
It's your majesty, you cheeky cow. Any way am I supposed to give you an OBE for wiping old peoples bums or something?
SOCIAL WORKER
No Mrs Majesty, since Haringey we've been reviewing all our case files for at risk children. Mrs Majesty have you got a son Charles?
QUEEN
What of the useless gobshite?
SOCIAL WORKER
Mrs Majesty, he's 60 still lives at home and we have reason to believe you've obstructed him from getting any meaningful employment. This may have lead to him having mental health issues?
QUEEN
Don't be ridiculous.
SOCIAL WORKER
Talking to plants, delusional sense of importance.
QUEEN
Bestiality
SOCIAL WORKER
What?
QUEEN
Well he f**ks that horse Camilla.
SOCIAL WORKER.
Mrs Majesty this is serious. Now we have reason to believe you are cohabiting with an unstable, racist with a propensity for violence.
QUEEN
I beg your pardon?
PRINCE PHILIP WALKS ON.
Just back from China full of slitty eyes but I did shoot a Panda.
SOCIAL WORKER
Right that's it I'm taking your son into care.
QUEEN
I must protest.
SOCIAL WORKER.
After 60 years of abuse...
QUEEN
No you silly person, can't you take Edward as well.