Morricons insp by Lee.

SUPERMARKET TANNOY ANNOUNCER.

Hello and welcome to Morricons.

Today's special offer is baked beans half price, and white bread half price.

Perfect for all you chavvy mums who blew the house keeping on Disco Bingo.com

Don't they have nice adverts?

White lighting cider is 10p off today.

And for our rhubarb faced hoody wearing clientelle.

Mina our nervous checkout girl who can't make eye contact is on checkout 12.

If you can't convince her your 18 you must be gay.

And here's a treat for our more fulsome customers.

Our pies are now half price. After sitting under a heat lamp for 12 hours.

Quick stampede before we put them out for the rats.

And for the women in aisle 13 infront of the pies.

Run, abandon your kiddies you can always have more.

The store will be closing at midngiht.

So Dereck our embittered night security guard can mastrubate in all the cottage cheese pots.

And just think, if you weren't such a bunch of feckless, leisure wear wearing, dole scroungers.

You could be shopping in Waitrose.

Where the social workers who don't take your kids away buy their foccacia.

Quote: sootyj @ November 16 2008, 10:22 PM GMT

SUPERMARKET TANNOY ANNOUNCER.

Hello and welcome to Morricons.

Today's special offer is baked beans half price, and white bread half price.

Perfect for all you chavvy mums who blew the house keeping on Disco Bingo.com

Don't they have nice adverts?

White lighting cider is 10p off today.

And for our rhubarb faced hoody wearing clientelle.

Mina our nervous checkout girl who can't make eye contact is on checkout 12.

If you can't convince her your 18 you must be gay.

And here's a treat for our more fulsome customers.

Our pies are now half price. After sitting under a heat lamp for 12 hours.

Quick stampede before we put them out for the rats.

And for the women in aisle 13 infront of the pies.

Run, abandon your kiddies you can always have more.

The store will be closing at midngiht.

So Dereck our embittered night security guard can mastrubate in all the cottage cheese pots.

And just think, if you weren't such a bunch of feckless, leisure wear wearing, dole scroungers.

You could be shopping in Waitrose.

Where the social workers who don't take your kids away buy their foccacia.

View original

But where's his motivation? What's his back story?

An embittered sub manager probably with a 2 1 from a new university,

moved home because of the credit crunch, and this is all he has infornt of him.

Actually it's inspired by my local Morrisons where I witnessed a feirce struggle over reduced pies.

That's only 2 shops away from Waitrose.

And then I realised your making a snide comment based on what some one else said in another thread.

And I feel a bit of a dick for taking that seriously.

As I think we have already established "insulting the customers" sketches are difficult to get right. I have a couple of duds in Critique myself. This works quite well, but I would suggest losing the direct insults (e.g. chavvy, rhubarb-faced) in the first part of the sketch, and let the bile build gradually.

The negative qualifying clause in the final line makes it a bit unwieldy.

You know you're dead right, the pie line (arf arf) is funnier for be pseudo polite.

On the social worker line, how about:

"Where the social workers who should be taking your kids away buy their foccacia."

However you phrase it, it is a good way out of the sketch.

Yes that is clearer, I was going to say

"Who take your kids away,"

Under the circumstances seemed in poor taste.

Quote: sootyj @ November 16 2008, 10:22 PM GMT

SUPERMARKET TANNOY ANNOUNCER.

Hello and welcome to Morricons.

Today's special offer is baked beans half price, and white bread half price.

Perfect if you blew the house keeping on Disco Bingo.com

Don't they have nice adverts?

White lighting cider is 10p off today.

And for our younger clientelle.

Mina our nervous checkout girl who can't make eye contact is on checkout 12.

If you can't convince her your 18 you must be gay.

And here's a treat for our more fulsome customers.

Our pies are now half price. After sitting under a heat lamp for 12 hours.

Quick stampede before we put them out for the rats.

And for the women in aisle 13 infront of the pies.

Run, abandon your kiddies you can always have more.

The store will be closing at midngiht.

So Dereck our night security guard can mastrubate in all the cottage cheese pots.

And just think, if you weren't such a bunch of feckless, leisure wear wearing, dole scroungers.

You could be shopping in Waitrose.

Where the social workers who should take your kids away buy their foccacia.

View original

Like the edit. Posted in accordance with the rules!

By the way, I am not sure "fulsome" means what you think it means.

No but it sounds right.

It kind of does. I shall assume that the author knows the correct meaning but the character does not.