At the Chemist's

INT. CHEMIST'S SHOP - DAY

A MAN WALKS UP TO THE TILL, AND JOINS A QUEUE OF OLD LADIES. ONE BY ONE THEY ARE SERVED. THE MAN APPROACHES THE TILL AND SEES THE MALE ASSISTANT.

MAN (VO)
Uh oh, he looks like Wayne Rooney.

ASSISTANT
How can I help?

MAN (looks around, then in quiet voice…)
Er, do you, er, know anything about the theory of relativity?

ASSISTANT
Erm, er…

THERE'S A PAUSE

ASSISTANT
Er, I'll just have to go in the stockroom for that one.

OFF HE GOES. AFTER 2 MINS HE COMES BACK.

ASSISTANT
No, er, I don't think I know anything about that.

MAN
Is there anyone else who can help?

ASSISTANT
The manageress might know, but she's out at the moment. If you come back later on…

MAN
No, that's OK, I'll leave it for now.

MAN LEAVES SHOP.

Que?

?

Am I missing something?

The Wayne Rooney reference threw me a bit, but it is actually quite Pythonesque in its daftness.

I have to admit that I don't get this one bit.

Hi folks, thanks for reading it. It's just me having a go at hopeless shop assistants who don't know where anything is, and the person who does know isn't there. This happened to me at lunchtime and I just put a bizarre spin on it with the relativity thing, because you might as well ask them about relativity as ask them where e.g. the broad beans are.

Quote: Timbo @ November 14 2008, 3:48 PM GMT

The Wayne Rooney reference threw me a bit, but it is actually quite Pythonesque in its daftness.

View original

Thanks very much, I'm pleased with that comment.

Great idea...I could see that sketch running over an entire show, the same lines but the items getting more and more daft.

Ie: first he comes in for some Anadin. Then he comes in for a puncture repair kit. Then he comes in for a robotic hand. Then the theory of relativity.

Same lines each time, but the item just gets more bizarre. The Rooney line though, was somewhat baffeling to even me

Quote: TomCampbell @ November 14 2008, 6:11 PM GMT

Great idea...I could see that sketch running over an entire show, the same lines but the items getting more and more daft.

Ie: first he comes in for some Anadin. Then he comes in for a puncture repair kit. Then he comes in for a robotic hand. Then the theory of relativity.

Same lines each time, but the item just gets more bizarre. The Rooney line though, was somewhat baffeling to even me

View original

None of the sketch works at all, on any level.

Sorry.

The idea has potential, I would tweak Tom Campbells idea by starting asking for something simple and the assistant has not got a clue, then reading from a shopping list 1 by 1 the useless assistant pisses you off more and more and the items requested get more and more surreal, until finally you as for the theory of relitivity and the assistant finds one under the counter and says "Thats £4.99 please is there anything alse"

Afraid I don't think it works, at least in its current state

I think the idea of a person asking for some thing inapropriate is a good one. But you're missing out on the hooks that draw in and convince the audience.

If they customer asks for a prescription, or says he has a headache.

Then the chemist says what do you want for that?

You'd set the scene better.

The Rooney line was intended to say the assistant isn't the sharpest tool in the box, so he isn't going to know anything. The assistant I met yesterday did look like Rooney, and I felt this about him.

The relativity thing is nicely absurd, I thought. How about if Gordon Brown goes into the chemist and asks about fiscal policy?

Quote: Bad dog @ November 14 2008, 4:19 PM GMT

Hi folks, thanks for reading it. It's just me having a go at hopeless shop assistants who don't know where anything is, and the person who does know isn't there. This happened to me at lunchtime and I just put a bizarre spin on it with the relativity thing, because you might as well ask them about relativity as ask them where e.g. the broad beans are.

View original

Baddog, I wrote a similar sketch but the assistant knew everything, it's no doubt on the site somewhere - but if you change it slightly, even make a small series of them it might make more sense.

Quote: Bad dog @ November 15 2008, 9:45 AM GMT

The Rooney line was intended to say the assistant isn't the sharpest tool in the box, so he isn't going to know anything. The assistant I met yesterday did look like Rooney, and I felt this about him.

The relativity thing is nicely absurd, I thought. How about if Gordon Brown goes into the chemist and asks about fiscal policy?

View original

The Brown idea is a good one, but it's a real stnadard for topical sketches.

The art of comedy writing is making strangers laugh. So a reference like the Rooney one which only you get isn't going to work.

Also chemists are thick may not be the greatest idea for a sketch ever.