Quote: Afinkawan @ July 14 2008, 1:43 PM BST
I'm really enjoying this.
I'm hoping you meant that Afinkawan and it wasn't sarcasm (it's difficult to tell on these blogs)! For you and anyone else who wants to see how it finishes, here's the end of the script. Hope it meets your expectations.
**
KARL and the blow-up doll sit at the table, faking a card game. GEORGE paces the room, trying to look cheerful.
GEORGE
It's going to be fine, it's going to be fine.
He stops by KARL.
GEORGE (cont.)
Tell me it's going to be fine.
KARL shrugs noncommittally. GEORGE starts pacing again.
GEORGE
It's not going to be fine, it's not going to be fine, it's definitely NOT going to be fine.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Attention. Attention. A miscalculation has occurred.
They turn to the speakers.
COMPUTER (cont.)
(V/O)
All personnel please prepare for immediate inspection.
GEORGE and KARL look at each-other, unsure how to proceed. KARL shrugs.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
In five...
GEORGE visibly panics and starts darting around the room.
GEORGE
Russ, Russ – onto the line! Onto the line!
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Four.
He shoos RUSS over to the line. KARL stays put.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Three.
GEORGE stands on the line next to RUSS and braces himself for the scan.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Two.
KARL coughs, causing GEORGE to turn. He indicates to the blow-up doll. GEORGE's eyes widen.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
One.
KARL gets up and casually saunters across. GEORGE grabs the blow-up doll and drags it over.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Scan initiated.
The lights dim as before. GEORGE stands arm in arm with the doll, and tenses.
No laser appears.
Something catches GEORGE's eye. The scan has begun in another part of the room.
Wide-eyed, they shimmy across to the new spot.
The scan continues without event. Finally, it completes and the lights go back up.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Inspection complete. All four personnel accounted for. Thank you for your cooperation.
They back off, GEORGE still arm in arm with the doll.
KARL
You make a lovely couple.
GEORGE looks confused, realises, and lets the doll drop from his grip.
GEORGE
Well, I...ugh... I think that should be about...it. Don't you think?
KARL does not acknowledge the question. He sits back down.
GEORGE
Ugh... Computer? Hello? We would like to announce our decision, please.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Please state your volunteer...
GEORGE
John.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
You have selected ‘George'.
GEORGE
No, no! John! JOHN!
COMPUTER
You have selected ‘George'.
GEORGE
J-O-H-N! JOHN!
KARL chuckles.
COMPUTER
You have selected ‘Karl'.
KARL
JOHN!
COMPUTER
(V/O)
I am afraid that will not be possible at this juncture.
GEORGE
Why ever not?!
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Crewmate John Dawson has not participated in an appraisal. As a result, he is ineligible for nomination.
GEORGE
Oh.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Would John please make his way to the computer booth for an imminent appraisal? Thank you.
GEORGE looks to KARL, who rolls his eyes and sighs.
CUT TO:
INT. COMPUTER BOOTH. NIGHT
The doll rolls into shot. The chair stops so abruptly that the doll topples off. Hands appear and hurriedly upright it.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Good afternoon, John.
KARL
(O/S)
Yeah, yeah. Get on with it.
GEORGE
(O/S, hushed)
SHHH!
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Please prepare to begin the appraisal.
The doll scratches its head.
COMPUTER (cont.)
(V/O)
Question one. What do you feel you bring to the group?
KARL
(O/S)
Nothing. I bring nothing.
GEORGE
(O/S)
ORDER! I BRING ORDER!
KARL
(O/S, hushed)
What are you doing?
GEORGE
(O/S, hushed)
I'm sorry – I don't know where that came from. Just ignore me.
(out loud)
I AM THE SPIRITUAL CENTRE OF THE GROUP!
KARL
(O/S, hushed)
SHUT UP.
GEORGE
(O/S, hushed)
I can't help it! I'm sorry!
KARL
(O/S)
Scratch that last bit. I bring NOTHING to the group.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Question two. What would you say your strengths are?
GEORGE
(O/S)
DISCIPLINE! UNDERSTANDING! A CLEAR HEAD UNDER PRESSURE!
KARL
(O/S, hushed)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
GEORGE
(O/S, hushed)
I don't know! It's involuntary!
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Question three...
GEORGE & KARL
(O/S, shouted)
NO!
COMPUTER (cont.)
(V/O)
...what would you say your weaknesses are?
GEORGE tries to talk, but it comes out muffled.
KARL
(O/S, out loud)
Stalking. Masturbation. VANDALISING COMPUTERS.
GEORGE audibly breaks free from his restraint.
GEORGE
(O/S, screamed)
I GIVE TOO MUCH!
KARL
(O/S, hushed)
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP.
GEORGE
(O/S, hushed)
Oh God. I'm so, so sorry!
KARL
(O/S, hushed)
Get out. NOW.
Scuffling sounds. The door opens and closes.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Question four. Please give an example of the last time you had to make a difficult decision and explain how you dealt with it.
RUSS enters the room and stands in plain view.
KARL
(O/S)
Blah blah blah. I hate computers – they stink. I hate the group – boo. DEATH TO ALL!
RUSS looks down.
RUSS
What are you doing on the floor?
An arm shoots down and drags RUSS under the table.
KARL
(O/S, hushed)
Crouch here. Keep your mouth shut then answer the next question.
RUSS
(O/S, out loud)
Okay-doke.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Final question. If you could change one aspect of the group and its work here, what would it be and why?
A long pause.
KARL
(O/S, hushed)
It's you.
RUSS
(O/S, out loud)
And there's you.
KARL
(O/S, hushed)
Answer the question.
RUSS
(O/S, out loud)
Oh, right. Well, in answer to your question, I would suggest a total restructuring of the team dynamic, starting with the appointment of an official spokesperson for all decision-making and brainstorming activit-
KARL
(O/S, shouted)
KILL THE COMPUTERS! DOWN WITH THE COMPANY! ANARCHY! ANARCHY! ANARCHY!
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Appraisal complete. Thank you for your time.
KARL sighs deeply.
KARL
(O/S, hushed)
What the hell was THAT?
RUSS
(O/S, out loud)
Did I not do it right?
CUT TO:
INT. BUNKER. NIGHT
The doll wheels out of the computer room, followed by KARL and RUSS. KARL gives the chair one final shove and it flies across the room, hitting the table and toppling over.
He sits down in the one remaining chair. RUSS rights the fallen chair and doll. He pats it on the head affectionately.
GEORGE lies on the table, curled up in foetal position. He rocks, gently.
KARL prods him with a pencil.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Attention. The results of the appraisal are in.
KARL and RUSS turn to the speakers.
COMPUTER
John.
(pause)
Fail.
A collective sigh of relief. GEORGE sits up.
GEORGE
Oh thank God.
KARL
Thank f**k for that.
RUSS
Poor show, John. Better luck next time.
COMPUTER
(V/O)
However, upon reviewing logs and surveillance material, it has been decided that John will be the only personnel to remain in the bunker.
GEORGE
What?! WHY?
COMPUTER (cont.)
(V/O)
Subject profile – John Dawson. Positive feedback on personnel – sixty-two percent. Influence on group morale – seventy-one percent. Increase in personnel interaction when present – ninety-four percent. Remained presence - critical.
GEORGE
Oh dear God. We've created a monster...
COMPUTER
(V/O)
Would the three remaining personnel please prepare for immediate evacuation from the facility?
KARL bangs his head rhythmically against the table.
RUSS
Are we going on a trip?
GEORGE indicates to the doll.
GEORGE
Just look at him. This fictitious crewmember has done more to improve the morale and wellbeing of this bunker than any of the real people here ever could. And now he's to be only one saved. The human race cut off in its prime to best suit the needs of a man made of rubber. And to think –
His face lights up.
GEORGE (cont.)
Hang on a minute! I think I've got an idea!
CUT TO:
INT. BUNKER. NIGHT
The doll sits in the chair, silently watching three uniformed figures standing in the lift.
Over the speakers comes a muzak version of the funeral march.
Under the table crouch GEORGE, KARL and RUSS, wearing only their long-johns.
GEORGE
I'm telling you – this is foolproof...
KARL sighs and shakes his head. GEORGE gives him two thumbs-up.
We see the figures in the lift more clearly – they are a hat stand, a clothes horse and a standing lamp.
The lift doors close ominously.
- THE END.