Holiday Outmanning

One I wrote a loooong while ago if anyone would care to look:

MAN 1:Yes, I'm taking the family out to the Algarve again this year. Yes, Linda has a marvellous little chalet out there. The boys just love the swimming pool.

MAN 2:Really? I'm taking my family off to Italy. The place we have has a swimming pool as well as a sauna and grotto. The children find it absolutely fab.

MAN 1:How charming. Our house- sorry- chalet- which we bought- with my money- is a beautiful little, quaint building. You know, nine bedrooms, en suite bathrooms, en suite bathrooms for the en suite bathrooms. Beautiful place. We'll indulge in the wines and the scenery- we've actually bought the vineyard next to it, you see. Did I mention that? I'll give you a bottle next time I see you.

MAN 2:No need. Our place is situated between two vineyards, both of which we own. We produce our wine from a grape we genetically engineered ourselves. We sell it for about three-thousand pounds per bottle. Yes, good stuff.

MAN 1:Nice, nice, nice. Not so nice as the other chalet I've just remembered, which I bought, with my own money, where I'll probably be taking the family instead. And this one has an en suite country attached to it, and a forest where we shoot pheasants.

MAN 2:Really. The chalet we have in Italy has a village nearby where we shoot peasants. Yes, it's more of an adventure sport.

MAN 1:Actually I think instead of the Algarve, I'll take my family on a worldwide trip on hovercraft with the Dutch royal family. I think that'd be quite splendid.

MAN 2:Hovercraft? Well, I suppose. Although I was thinking of taking mine on a worldwide trip on the back of a mystical dragon.

MAN 1:A worldwide trip? Well, that's all a little obvious nowadays. I thought maybe another planet would be interesting.

MAN 2:Ah, just crossing space? Time's the way to go. I'll be taking Linda and the kids back in time to witness the construction of the pyramids, the fall of Rome and the suicide of Hitler.

MAN 1:Well, send them my love. Although, just travelling through four dimensions? Passe! I'll be taking the sprogs into an alternate universe where all their desires will be fulfilled and they'll become one with God.

MAN 2:Really? Charming. Well, that doesn't matter because I still have the largest penis.

MAN 1:No. I have the largest penis!

MAN 2:My penis is huge!

MAN 1:My penis is humongous!

MAN 2:Well, mine is humongously huge!

MAN 1:Not as humongously huge as mine is hugely humongous!

F/XUPERMARKET SPEAKER BUZZER.

SPEAKERDISTORTED) Clean up on aisle four. Clean up on aisle four.

MAN 2:That's us. Come on, let's go.

F/X:MAN 1 AND MAN 2 START WALKING.

MAN 1:My mop is so much longer than yours.

I rather enjoyed that, Yacob.

I enjoyed it too, young Mr Wingnut.

Very nice very funny.

The penis thing not eniterly neccessary.

But minor niggle in a lovely sketch.

The pace is absolutely top hole.

You had me at "en suite bathrooms for the en suite bathrooms"

Is the joke that we don't realise they are mopping in a supermarket? SO visually would the camera be on the faces and then simply pan out - or is it a sketch for radio?

You could have a background of an Alpine resort and pull back to reveal it's a stack of Alpen boxes.

I really like this one, Yacob.

Sooty's right about the pacing -- it's spot-on. Well done.

Dan

Quote: tmswr @ November 12 2008, 10:36 AM GMT

Is the joke that we don't realise they are mopping in a supermarket? SO visually would the camera be on the faces and then simply pan out - or is it a sketch for radio?

View original

I think it's supposed to be a radio sketch. It uses F/X cues which are usually saved for radio scripts.

Yes, meant for radio. Maybe I should have made that clearer at the start. Cheers for the comments so far.

I agree with the others. A very amusing sketch.

I loved it, and en suite country did it for me...if anything I would've revealed that a bit further down, just before the worldwide tour. And agreed, sadly the penis reference is redundant but still amusing.

But great sketch matey - nice one!!!