Fear Sketch Page 2

Cheers for the feedback. So is this re-write any better?

TIM AND DAN ARE ON THE BUS. DAN HAS A BOOK ON 'AVERSION THERAPY'.

Tim: Aversion Therapy?

Dan: Yeah. Every night it's the same, "Don't let the spiders get me Daddy!"
Bloody pathetic it is!

Tim: She is only a kid Dan, you do have to be more... considerate.

Dan: Not anymore I don't, I sneaked into her room with a bucket full of spiders. Poured them all over her didn't I?

Tim: Oh (BEAT) my (BEAT) god! Is she alright?!

Dan: Alright? She's better than ever! She hasn't complained once in the last couple of days! She'll thank me one day.

Tim: If you say so Dan.

Dan: She will! And you know what, all this 'fear curing' has made me wonder what other fears I could cure.

Tim: What do you mean?

Dan: Tim, tell me, what fear have most people on this bus got?

Tim: Spiders. Jesus Christ! Don't tell me you've got a bucket full of spiders?

Dan: No, it's not spiders.

Tim: What is it then? Snakes? It's bleeding snakes isn't it?

Dan: No. Terrorism.

Tim: I suppose your right yeah...

Dan: (STANDS UP) I've got a f**king bomb!

ALL THE PASSENGERS START SCREAMING AND RUNNING. TIM LOOKS UP IN HORROR

It's much better but could do with a bit more pruning I think. I've had a little hack at it - hope you don't mind.

eg:

TIM AND DAN ARE ON THE BUS. DAN HAS A BOOK ON 'AVERSION THERAPY'.

Tim:
Aversion Therapy?

Dan:
Yeah. Every night it's the same, "Don't let the spiders get me Daddy!" Well they did last night. I poured a bucketful over her head.

Tim:
Oh (BEAT) my (BEAT) god! Is she cured then?

Dan:
I dunno. She hasn't spoken since.

Tim:
Right...

Dan:
And you know what, all this 'fear curing' has made me wonder what other fears I could cure.

Tim:
What do you mean?

Dan:
Tim, tell me, what fear have most people on this bus got?

Tim:
Spiders. Jesus Christ! Don't tell me you've got a bucket full of spiders here?

Dan:
No, it's not spiders.

Tim:
What then? Snakes? It's bleeding snakes isn't it?

Dan:
No. Terrorism.

Tim:
I suppose your right yeah...

DAN STANDS UP AND FLINGS OPEN HIS COAT TO REVEAL DYNAMITE STRAPPED TO HIS TORSO.

Dan:
(STANDS UP) I've got a f**king bomb!

ALL THE PASSENGERS START SCREAMING AND RUNNING. TIM LOOKS UP IN HORROR. DAN WINKS AT TIM.

END SKETCH

Cheers for that Lee. Much better now.

You could probably lose the snakes bit in my opinion.

IT's a great sketch though, with carry-over potential...documenting the downfall of a guy who relied on aversion therapy...or him just being a smiling bastard to everyone.

A woman who's scared of the dark who's thrown into a pitch black room. A man scared of being buried alive who..you know the rest. Could be a reality TV show "Aversion, Aversion, Aversion"

My brain's leaking now sorry. Great sketch, nice one