Post removed.
New video
I do think it's a good idea and I do like what you've done from a writer's perspective. But I felt that this just simmered along and needs to be boiling.
The first 1min40 seconds are largely irrelevant. Apart from that, I'd pretty much go along with what Leevil said.
I think it's very brave and any longer, you would've pushed your luck. It is cool, although I think you need a bigger build up (at the end of the build up) and a smack in the face of nothing (or aniti-climax).
It's a bit plodding I'm afraid. You've got 1:25 of nothing at the beginning (guy sucking lollipop, guy making coffee.) If I were you I'd chop that entire sequence. I have a feeling it's only there as filler for the cool music anyway.
The idea of a sad twat wanting to become Batman seems replete with comic possibilities, but I don't think you've got the most out of it here. There's nothing wrong with the acting and there a couple of decent gags in there but this is absolutely crying out for a punchline. The viewer is totally expecting a big gag at the end of all that set-up, and it's a gag that never comes.
Sorry if that seems overly-negative.
Post removed.
Quote: Stuart Laws @ November 9 2008, 7:39 PM GMTThat's cool, it's the start of a series and is just there to introduce the concept. Unfortunately there aren't that many jokes for the set up without creating a tone that wouldn't be appropriate for the rest of the series.
There's nothing filler about it, meant to portray the boredom of the guy before he hits on hig 'grand-plan'.
Thanks for watching and please continue to watch as the series develops.
I thought it was a one-off, my mistake. However I'd still think about shortening that intro sequence to 30 seconds at the very most. 1:25 is way too long I think.
Just an opinion.
A man becoming Batman out of boredom is a great idea. 1:25 of absolutely nothing is not.
This is what I find so frustrating about some of your videos, Stuart - you have this lovely, natural performance style and nice ideas shot with panache - but too often they're drowned in indulgence.
I get that you want to show this guy up to nothing much but there are ways of presenting it and making it comedically interesting. Like what if he's racing to perform a mundane task in competition with a boiling kettle? Or what if he's bouncing a ball of elastic bands off the wall, prisoner style, and ends up hitting his colleague in the back of the head? Or maybe he makes a grappling hook out of a chain of paperclips and a coat hanger.
Quote: Stuart Laws @ November 9 2008, 7:39 PM GMTThere's nothing filler about it, meant to portray the boredom of the guy before he hits on hig 'grand-plan'.
I didn't get much of a sense of boredom in the first sequences. Mainly because they did contain action and movement and the music gave it the sense that something dramatic was just about to happen. I don't know if that was your intention. Someone just sitting, picking nose, trying to find something to do, annoying someone else, balancing objects on face, etc would suggest boredom better I think, along with less dramatic soundtrack.
I was also a bit confused where the characters were; were they students or in an office? Sorry, if I'm being dim. Maybe to suggest that the Batman-to-be does nothing but make coffee all day, showing him returning to the kitchen repeatedly might do that more efficiently?
It's a good idea though and I like the naturalistic style. I just didn't get the sense this guy was really bored.