Not do you dislike, hate or wish to murder.
But you know you're down the pub and you just want to go upto them.
And set them straight on a few things, put them in their place.
Me first.
Billy Oddie. You are a Goody, stop being grumpy and talking about badgers.
Jeremy Clarkson. Why are you only on Top Gear? Why aren't you running the BBC or the country?
Russell Brand? If Hollywood loves you so much why don't you piss off to Tinsel Town for good?
Uri Gellar. Knob
Michael Moore, Barbra Streisand, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Penn and any other celebrity who wastes our time whining about politics: Get off your asses and run for office if you're so f**king smart.
Quote: sootyj @ November 9 2008, 12:06 AM GMTNot do you dislike, hate or wish to murder...
...Russell Brand? If Hollywood loves you so much why don't you piss off to Tinsel Town for good?
So it *is* who you dislike, hate or wish to murder...
I was encouraging the chap to spread his wings.
Quote: sootyj @ November 9 2008, 12:06 AM GMTBilly Oddie.
Good choice.
And also, Gok Wan.
Quote: DaButt @ November 9 2008, 12:13 AM GMTMichael Moore
I bet you would.
Simon Cowell: Why do you need teeth like Ross in that episode of Friends? Why do you re-produce the same bland, generic format in America and Britain just to make millions? Why can't you actually promote a song which doesn't have that horrendous twinkly sound effect? Why don't you admit that you're not always right when you're CLEARLY wrong? Why must you hijack the Christmas no. 1 race with a song by an X Factor winner always, ALWAYS telling us about how hard a journey it was to reach the top of the charts instead of something actually Christmassy? Why don't you grow physically old naturally like every other sane person? Why do your programmes have to feature ridiculous sob-stories and Windows Movie Maker effects for no reason other than to make young girls cry, to waste their money in phone voting and to pad out what could've been a fairly enjoyable half an hour? Why do acts from your shows like Leona Lewis have NO personality whatsoever, being only capable of saying stupid phrases like "It's fantastic/a dream come true/amazing/unbelievable, thank you all so much!"? Why don't you get a bloody sense of humour with the Peter Kay show? OK, so he's not done much new material recently, the show was overlong, the single wasn't for charity and he's riding a wave of fame that he doesn't necessarily fully deserve, but surely you can just laugh along at a parody, can't you? Why can't we have a proper variety show like Opportunity Knocks again instead of singing singing SINGING? Why not try something other than reality bloody TV? And why are you always so smug?
Oh, and John Cleese: Is this the right room for a...well you know the rest...
Gordon Ramsey. I just hate the way he moves and sounds like a 1950s Sergeant Major, standing up on his toes, shouting "Yes?!" Then there's the way he calls people "Big Boy", without realising how camp it makes him sound.
Julian Clary and Graham Norton. Not so much an argument as a question. And it goes something like....
Hey guys, how ya doing? Can I get you a drink? Oh and by the way, how do two talentless c**ts like yourselves get into television. I think the argument may start then.
Jeremy Clarkson. Definitely.
Good call on Gordon Ramsey. I would like to explain to him that being able to make gravy does not make him in an artist, that bullying is not an effective management technique and that swearing is not a form of wit. And that he has girly hair.
Quote: Gluben @ November 9 2008, 1:30 AM GMTSimon Cowell: Why do you need teeth like Ross in that episode of Friends? Why do you re-produce the same bland, generic format in America and Britain just to make millions? Why can't you actually promote a song which doesn't have that horrendous twinkly sound effect? Why don't you admit that you're not always right when you're CLEARLY wrong? Why must you hijack the Christmas no. 1 race with a song by an X Factor winner always, ALWAYS telling us about how hard a journey it was to reach the top of the charts instead of something actually Christmassy? Why don't you grow physically old naturally like every other sane person? Why do your programmes have to feature ridiculous sob-stories and Windows Movie Maker effects for no reason other than to make young girls cry, to waste their money in phone voting and to pad out what could've been a fairly enjoyable half an hour? Why do acts from your shows like Leona Lewis have NO personality whatsoever, being only capable of saying stupid phrases like "It's fantastic/a dream come true/amazing/unbelievable, thank you all so much!"? Why don't you get a bloody sense of humour with the Peter Kay show? OK, so he's not done much new material recently, the show was overlong, the single wasn't for charity and he's riding a wave of fame that he doesn't necessarily fully deserve, but surely you can just laugh along at a parody, can't you? Why can't we have a proper variety show like Opportunity Knocks again instead of singing singing SINGING? Why not try something other than reality bloody TV? And why are you always so smug?
You mean you don't know???
*aghast*
Quote: roscoff @ November 9 2008, 9:26 AM GMTJulian Clary and Graham Norton. Not so much an argument as a question. And it goes something like....
Hey guys, how ya doing? Can I get you a drink? Oh and by the way, how do two talentless c**ts like yourselves get into television. I think the argument may start then.
As Winterlight would say: Homophone.
I don't actually think I want to techincally argue with a celeb in a bar brawl style. I guess if I was in the company of Chris Martin and he was banging on about fair trade, I would causally mention to him that if he felt that strongly, he should stop being photographed in Addias and North face clothing and walk away. Ditto for the McKeith if she banged on about health, I would tell her I would rather get my nutritional information from someone who didn't get their degree from a muesli box. But only if they started up, I would just ignore them otherwise if they were in the same room.
Quote: zooo @ November 9 2008, 12:40 PM GMTAs Winterlight would say: Homophone.
Presumably someone fluent in Polari.