Cheerful Dick Sketch

Here's a little character piece I've been working on. I'm not sure of the middle section!

Int. Office

TONY IS AT HIS DESK ON THE PHONE. HE PUTS THE PHONE DOWN AND LOOKS SHELLSHOCKED. PRECEDED BY JAUNTY WHISTLING, CHEERFUL DICK ENTERS.

Cheerful Dick: Allo, mate! How are you?!

Tony: Not good, Dick.

Cheerful Dick: It can't be that bad, mate! Not on a day like this! The sun's shining! The birds are singing and, ooooh, smell that Spring air!

Tony: It's my mum. She was at the bank and... these men burst in with guns... she's been shot.

SILENCE.

Cheerful Dick: She'll be alright, mate!

Tony: (UPSET) But she's been shot in the head.

Cheerful Dick: A little bullet wound's nothing these days, mate!

Tony: She got shot 3 times.

SILENCE.

Cheerful Dick: Has she got medical insurance?

TONY STARTS CRYING. CHEERFUL DICK LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE.

Cheerful Dick: C'mon, mate! The sun's... shining.... the birds are... singing... and.... oooooooh... your mums been shot... in the head... 3 times...

CHEERFUL DICK GIVES AN EXASPERATED LOOK BEFORE STARTING UP HIS WHISTLING AND LEAVING THE OFFICE.

ENDS

Erm... yes. I think I can see what you're trying to achieve. Personally, I don't think it reads as well as I can imagine it being acted, which surely must be a compliment on your writing.

I like it WL, I think it just needs more oomph!

Cheerful Charlie would be a better name. With Dick I kept expecting something saucy. I don't think you need his last line, just a shrug of the shoulders and off he goes. There's mileage in it if you can think of a way he could come up with a cheerful line for every occasion.

DICK
Has she got life insurance?

TONY (cries)
No..!

DICK
Never mind, how nice it will be to see Auntie Ethel when she comes over from Australia for the funeral.

Good stuff but I preffer Bad dog's punchline, it's more of a direction change.

Quote: Bad dog @ November 7 2008, 3:09 PM GMT

DICK
Never mind, how nice it will be to see Auntie Ethel when she comes over from Australia for the funeral.

View original

I don't really see why he'd mention Aunt Ethel, though. Most people don't know each others extended families. Particularly work colleagues.

I'll have another look at the sketch though. I think there's a sketch in there somewhere.