SIMPKINS: Good morning Minister.
MINISTER: Ah, Simpkins. Do you have the report on why we keep losing top secret data?
SIMPKINS: Um…I'm afraid I left it on the train on my way in Minister.
MINISTER: Oh, not again. Don't you have it on email?
SIMPKINS: Yes. (BEAT) Unfortunately I left my laptop in a restaurant on Friday night.
MINISTER: Good lord. Why haven't you gone to get it back?
SIMPKINS: Well I had the restaurant's details on my Blackberry but I think I dropped that on the tube.
MINISTER: Couldn't you ask one of the people you were with?
SIMPKINS: I thought of that but I left them at Waterloo to catch my train home and I haven't heard from them since. I think they may have got lost.
MINSTER: This just isn't good enough Simpkins. I've been told that there is another scandal in the news today about our department losing top secret data. Is this true?
SIMPKINS: Um…Sorry minister, I don't know. I accidentally left my newspaper on the train as well.
MINISTER: I meant is it true about the lost data, not is it true about it being in the news?
SIMPKINS: I think so. I had a memo about it but I put it down somewhere and can't seem to find it.
MINISTER: So you've lost some top secret data, you've lost the report into why we keep losing top secret data, you've lost your laptop and Blackberry and your friends, you've lost the memo about us losing top secret data and you've even lost your newspaper which may or may not have a story about us losing data in it. Is there anything you haven't lost yet Simpkins?
SIMPKINS: My job?
MINISTER: (SIGH) Only because I've lost your P45. (PAUSE) You appear to have a disc in your hands. Is there any chance that it contains some secret data we've actually managed to retain?
SIMPKINS: Er, no. Tracy on reception lent me her copy of Lost.
MINISTER: Get out.
SIMPKINS: (PAUSE) I can't find the door…