New edit:
INT. OPERATING THEATRE – DAY
THE SCENE IS SHOT FROM THE P.O.V. OF A PATIENT, MISTER HARDEN - ON HIS BACK FACING THE CEILING. A FEMALE ANAESTHETIST PLACES A VENTILATOR OVER THE PATIENT’S MOUTH. DOCTOR ROGERS LOOMS INTO VIEW
DOCTOR ROGERS:
Okay, Mister Harden, if you’d like to count down from ten, please.
MISTER HARDEN:
Ten, nine, eight, seve….
MISTER HARDEN SLIPS OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS AND THE SCREEN GOES BLACK.
DOCTOR ROGERS:
(O.O.V.) Administer the Pancuronium now, Doctor. Very good. Send the new surgeon in on your way out, please.
FOOSTEPS. A MUTTERING FROM OUTSIDE. A DOOR SWINGS OPEN AND THE PICTURE COMES BACK INTO FOCUS. DOCTOR SPENCER HAS JOINED THE OPERATION.
DOCTOR ROGERS:
Good afternoon, Doctor Spencer.
DOCTOR SPENCER:
Hello there. Is the patient under?
DOCTOR ROGERS:
Yes.
MISTER HARDEN MAKES A PARALYSED, INTERNAL SCREAM.
DOCTOR ROGERS (CONT):
Let’s proceed. Please begin by opening the suture.
DOCTOR SPENCER:
Of course.
DOCTOR SPENCER ADVANCES ON THE PATIENT WITH AN AXE. MR HARDEN REACTS WITH INNER PANIC.
DOCTOR ROGERS:
What on Earth are you doing?
DOCTOR SPENCER:
You did say ‘murder’, didn’t you?
DOCTOR ROGERS:
No! ‘Suture’! Not ‘murder’! Why would I say murder?
DOCTOR SPENCER:
I did wonder.
DOCTOR ROGERS:
Good God, man! Please pay attention - your job is depending on this.
DOCTOR SPENCER:
‘Trepanning’?
HE FIRES UP A MASONRY DRILL AND AIMS IT AT THE PATIENT’S TEMPLE. MISTER HARDEN SQUEALS SOME MORE.
DOCTOR ROGERS:
‘Depending’! Not ‘trepanning’! What’s wrong with you?
DOCTOR SPENCER:
My mistake.
DOCTOR ROGERS:
Is something the matter with your hearing?
DOCTOR SPENCER:
‘Sawing’ you say?
HE PULLS A RIPCORD AND A CHAINSAW RUMBLES TO LIFE.
DOCTOR ROGERS:
‘Hearing’! Not ‘sawing’, you loony!
DOCTOR SPENCER:
Oh, ‘hearing’! Sorry, you’re right, I do have a bit of an ear infection.
DOCTOR ROGERS:
Then read my lips! No murdering in my hospital! Do you understand?
DOCTOR SPENCER:
Perfectly.
DOCTOR ROGERS:
Great!
DOCTOR ROGERS BEGINS SORTING HIS INSTRUMENTS. WHILE HIS BACK IS TURNED DOCTOR SPENCER LEANS IN TO THE PATIENT WITH A WICKED GRIN AND WHISPERS:
DOCTOR SPENCER:
Grate…
HE SHOWS MISTER HARDEN A CHEESE GRATER AND LOWERS IT TO HIS CROTCH. THE INNER SCREAM REACHES FEVER PITCH.
