Lookalikes

Look-alikes: Chris McGuire

Mr Gribble is a balding middle aged man seated behind a desk in an office. Opposite him is Mr Brown, a younger flasher executive.

Mr Gribble:
I'm glad you have chosen to use our service Mr Brown, very glad, I'm confident that you'll find that our clients are always very pleased with the service we provide...

Mr Brown:
I hope so, this is a very important event for my company, very important indeed, we really need to think outside the box with this one...

Mr Gribble:
I think you'll find that we here ‘Lookalikeys' are so far outside of the box that we're back inside it again...

Mr Brown: (Confused)
Okay...

Mr Gribble:
We've got literally tens of recommendations, from happy customers...

Gribble waves a load of blank pieces of paper in front of Brown's face.

Mr Brown:
They're blank...

Mr Gribble: (Grinning)
Exactly...No complaints.

Mr Brown: (Frustrated)
Well I'd like to have a look at your books...

Gribble turns around and gestures to a shelf of leather bound books.

Mr Gribble:
Certainly, I have a lovely collection; I'd particularly recommend my bound copy of ‘Bleak House'...

Mr Brown: (Getting Annoyed)
Not that type of book! I want to see some of your artists- you do specialise in look- alike artists don't you? That I can use at the opening of my new restaurant... I want glitz I want glamour...

Mr Gribble: (Grinning)
We have the perfect lookalikes for you...

Mr Brown: (Calming himself)
Ok let me see pictures...

Mr Gribble: (Animatedly)
Pictures, pictures! We don't do pictures! I've got better than that!

Mr Brown:
I'm confused...

Mr Gribble:
I thought as much, it's the way you part your hair... anyway I've got them here. I'll bring the first one through...

A door opens and a man walks in. He looks just like an average guy off the street.

Mr Gribble: (Grinning and glancing between Brown and the man)
Eh? Eh? It's amazing isn't it? It really is spooky.

Mr Brown: (to the man who has just walked in)
I'm sorry...

He whispers to Mr Gribble.

Mr Brown: (Confused)
Who's he supposed to be?

Mr Gribble:
Tony Smith...

Mr Brown:
Tony Smith...?

Mr Gribble: (Grinning)
Tony Smith...

Mr Brown:
I'm sorry, I've never heard of him. Is he famous?

Mr Gribble: (Confused)
Famous?

Mr Brown:
Yeah you know, well known...

Mr Gribble: (Serious)
I know what the word means...

Mr Brown:
I'm glad, is he famous?

Mr Gribble: (Grinning)
Famous... no he's not famous. He runs the Post Office down on the high street.

Mr Brown:
This fella?

Mr Gribble:
No Tony Smith...

Gribble produces a picture of Tony Smith- he looks identical to the man in the room.

Mr Gribble:
Alan here is the spitting image of him... impressive eh?

Mr Brown:
They are undeniably similar looking. But what good is that to me?

Mr Gribble:
You've lost me... I thought you wanted a lookalike?

Mr Brown:
Of someone famous- not the fella at the local post office. Who've you got that's famous?

Mr Gribble: (Confused)
Famous, we don't do famous...

Mr Brown: (Frustrated)
But everyone does famous...

Mr Gribble:
Exactly...we're doing something a bit different! You said you wanted to think outside the box...

Mr Brown:
You don't do famous... I'm off.

Mr Gribble:
Wait, wait...
Doreen. Call in Barry.

A man dressed as Elvis Presley walks into the room.

Mr Gribble:
He's impressive isn't he?

Mr Brown:
Oh yes, he's a very convincing Elvis

Mr Gribble: (Confused)
Elvis? Elvis? Never heard of him, this is Barry he's the spitting image of Marty Walker who works in the Freezer Centre on the High Street...

Gribble lifts a photo up camera, Brown shakes his head and walks out of the room slamming his door behind him.

Mr Gribble: (To Elvis)
Typical...
Did you bring that ice cream I wanted?

In a way, Chris you remind me much of myself when I first started writing sketches.

First things first, you need to cut down on all the (Confused)/(Serious) directions. You only need to use them when it's essential to indicate how a line will be read. I used to pepper them about too and it just makes a script more difficult to read.

Secondly, your dialogue comes across quite wordy at times. This line for example:

Mr Gribble:
I'm glad you have chosen to use our service Mr Brown, very glad, I'm confident that you'll find that our clients are always very pleased with the service we provide...

That could be trimmed considerably. Time is of an essence in TV writing, so you don't want to waste time on unnecessary dialogue.

To the content of the sketch. I could detect a bit of a Monty Python influence in there. Maybe even a Fry and Laurie vibe penetrating it as well. A lookaline agency is a good setting for a sketch. I'm not sure I've seen one set in one before.

I must admit that I did get confused with the Tony Smith bit. I could see what you were aiming for, but I got a bit lost amongst the chaos.

Jokes like this:

Mr Brown:
I'm confused...

Mr Gribble:
I thought as much, it's the way you part your hair...

Come across very John Cleese, but unfortunately you have to be John Cleese (aka an established writer/performer) to get away with jokes that don't make any literal sense.

The ending is an ending with a minor twist, but it feels as though it's something that's been seen before.

As I said at the top, I was writing things very similar about a year ago. I think there's potential in the writing, but you just need to establish what's wanted on television.

Of course you could ignore me as I've never sold a piece of work in my life.

This is a good, funny idea, and it keeps its focus. As Ben says, some pruning might not go amiss, but less so than in other sketches of yours I have read.

On the ending, I might have gone with Barry saying, in an Elvis voice, something like "I told you no-one would want a lookalike of an Elvis impersonator", but maybe that's a bit unsubtle (I am). (Even less subtle would be to have a genuine celebrity impersonating a non-celebrity, but that is obviously kind of difficult to write without having someone lined up....)

Cheers Timbo...

It's a good idea but it's 75% filler and it's choking out all the laughs.

The reccomendation and book jokes you can lose them all.

The central we have people who look like people who aren't famous is very, very strong.

Also give the customer a little more of a back story, I'm sure there are some good laughs there.

Quote: Winterlight @ October 28 2008, 11:27 PM BST

In a way, Chris you remind me much of myself when I first started writing sketches.

First things first, you need to cut down on all the (Confused)/(Serious) directions. You only need to use them when it's essential to indicate how a line will be read. I used to pepper them about too and it just makes a script more difficult to read.

Secondly, your dialogue comes across quite wordy at times. This line for example:

Mr Gribble:
I'm glad you have chosen to use our service Mr Brown, very glad, I'm confident that you'll find that our clients are always very pleased with the service we provide...

That could be trimmed considerably. Time is of an essence in TV writing, so you don't want to waste time on unnecessary dialogue.

To the content of the sketch. I could detect a bit of a Monty Python influence in there. Maybe even a Fry and Laurie vibe penetrating it as well. A lookaline agency is a good setting for a sketch. I'm not sure I've seen one set in one before.

I must admit that I did get confused with the Tony Smith bit. I could see what you were aiming for, but I got a bit lost amongst the chaos.

Jokes like this:

Mr Brown:
I'm confused...

Mr Gribble:
I thought as much, it's the way you part your hair...

Come across very John Cleese, but unfortunately you have to be John Cleese (aka an established writer/performer) to get away with jokes that don't make any literal sense.

The ending is an ending with a minor twist, but it feels as though it's something that's been seen before.

As I said at the top, I was writing things very similar about a year ago. I think there's potential in the writing, but you just need to establish what's wanted on television.

Of course you could ignore me as I've never sold a piece of work in my life.

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WL, you failed to mention that you yourself resemble a famous person.