Monsters

Edit 2

A BBC EXEC IS TALKING TO 3 WRITERS.

BBC

Well chaps you've made the big time. Monster creators for the BBC's flagship show, Dr Who let's see wht you came up with.

WRITER1

The Obesetron, a monster computer that encourages kids to eat unhealthily and can only be defeated by throwing 5 portions of fruit and veg a day at it.

BBC

Educational and scary, well done.

WRITER2

Bulli-trex-alon. An evil ancient time lord who used to bully the Dr at school. His one fatal weakness, people who take a pride in themselves and share their feelings.

BBC

Ooh lovely, we can use him in the Sara Jane adventures. Now Dereck we're expecting great things from you.

WRITER3

The thieving gypsy bastards. They offer to retarmak the Doctors drive and then piss off with his....

BBC

I'm sorry but that's really racist.

WRITER2

And it makes no sense, I mean the Dr travels through space and time. He doesn't have a drive.

WRITER3

Oh I see, so this is a scifi show about a super time travelling gypo. What next the Dr lands his Tardis in a public park, and and claims squatters rights?

WRITER1

You're just horrible, you brute. I want to talk about my new monster Carbon-emission-zillax, he turns all the lights...

BBC

Oh shut up. Dereck one more chance.

WRITER3

Ok how about this one. A tribe of evil creatures, who look like you and me, but actually aim to replace us, and who control the government secretly.

BBC

Liking it, what are they called?

WRITER3

Assylum seekers.

BBC

Get out.

WRITER3

See if I care, I'm already writing for Primeval. They love my Teen-mother-saurus-wrecked. She devours council flats.

To long? To preachy?

I really liked this one, but the ending didn't quite satisfy me.

Also, I found this line a bit long:

WRITER3

Oh I see, so this is a scifi show about a super time travelling gypo. What next the Dr goes to collect his DLA, only to find the evil DSS photogrpahed him fighting evil on Zatharos? Or the Dr lands his Tardis in a public park, and and claims squatters rights?

Thanks both doubts I had.

I think both lines are rather clunky, but serve a purpose.

So will endeavour to winnow them down.

I thought that Obesetron was funnier than Bullitrexalon, of course thats just my opinion.

However 'retarmak' could be a name of a gypsy monster if you ever happen to write about it. 'Retarmak Vs The NIMBY's.'

I liked this sketch, though I think it would be funnier if you lost the last line, and just end on "Get Out".

Quote: sootyj @ October 24 2008, 2:20 PM BST

Edit 2

BBC

Oh shut up. Dereck one more chance.

WRITER3

Ok how about this one. A tribe of evil creatures, who look like you and me, but actually aim to replace us, and who control the government secretly.

BBC

Liking it, what are they called?

WRITER3

Assylum seekers.

BBC

Get out.

View original

Like it but drawn out slightly.

Loved the lines I've quoted above best and also feel it should end on 'get out'.