British Comedy Guide

Reasons to murder people Page 4

What a trigger-happy bunch you are. You'd shoot a man in the throat for holding up your lunch? Stick a screwdriver through a ladies eye socket for not scooching up a seat on the bus? What would you do if your liberties were really threatened? What would you do if a guy broke into your house and set fire to your goldfish? Nuke the city from orbit?

Quote: Bad dog @ October 23 2008, 12:29 PM BST

People who bother you on the street. No, I don't want a free London Shite newspaper or a Big Issue, I don't want to spare a few minutes for Spastics united or take part in a survey. Nor can I give you directions, or spare 20p for a cuppa (what are you gonna do with that, put a downpayment on one).

Also, people who bother you at home, who knock on the door and try to sell you something.

All those people are trying to earn a living. Go easy on them. Neither job can be much fun.

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at large. @ October 23 2008, 12:25 PM BST

People who beep you as you are crossing the road when the green man is flashing. I have been known to hurl abuse and dent bonnets.

Cyclists who think red lights at crossings don't apply to them. Angry

A motorist shouted at me one day for not thanking him for letting me cross on the zebra crossing.

Quote: swerytd @ October 23 2008, 12:17 PM BST

People who put the toilet paper on the holder so it hangs down *behind* the roll. F**kers!

Agreed.

Quote: mixmasterfestus @ October 23 2008, 12:25 PM BST

Aye that picture is a coach, but my gripe is on buses where there are no arm rests anyway.

It's usually snooty old women. It makes me want to drop kick them.

You could, you know, just ask if you can sit down?

Quote: Bad dog @ October 23 2008, 12:32 PM BST

A motorist shouted at me one day for not thanking him for letting me cross on the zebra crossing.

I accordance with the unchecked aggression that typifies this thread, I trust you raped him?

Quote: JuliaC @ October 23 2008, 12:30 PM BST

Cyclists who think red lights at crossings don't apply to them. Angry

Agreed.

Also: drunks.

Quote: Aaron @ October 23 2008, 12:35 PM BST

Agreed.

Also: drunks.

But drunk cycling is my number one joy!

Quote: KJSmyling @ October 22 2008, 11:48 PM BST

People who stop, to work out which way to go, the moment they step off the escalator on the underground.... you know who you are....

kjs

That reminds me of something that happened yesterday to my Dad.

The Overlord has a local rep for being a evil SOB at the best of times. In his old age, he now travels everywhere on a mobility scooter. Yesterday some chavvy annoying kids were ahead of him and one girl said to her mates "Watch this!", and stood right on the pavement where he was driving and stared him down, arms folded. At first my dad slowed a bit. The other kids started to snigger as the girl continued to stared down my dad trying to make him stop. As he got closer, he suddenly sped up up and before the girl realised he was not going to stop, he ran the stupid cows foot over. She gave a loud scream and hopped away bawling her eyes out. My Dad, stopped, took off his glasses and said "Next time it will be your f**king head" and drove off.

I swear I'm adopted.

Quote: David Bussell @ October 23 2008, 12:35 PM BST

But drunk cycling is my number one joy!

Then you, Sir, shall be shot. Possibly in the face.

Quote: Aaron @ October 23 2008, 12:33 PM BST

You could, you know, just ask if you can sit down?

I do, but it's the gesture of sitting there on purpose that pisses me off. Silly old bats.

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at large. @ October 23 2008, 12:40 PM BST

That reminds me of something that happened yesterday to my Dad.

The Overlord has a local rep for being a evil SOB at the best of times. In his old age, he now travels everywhere on a mobility scooter. Yesterday some chavvy annoying kids were ahead of him and one girl said to her mates "Watch this!", and stood right on the pavement where he was driving and stared him down, arms folded. At first my dad slowed a bit. The other kids started to snigger as the girl continued to stared down my dad trying to make him stop. As he got closer, he suddenly sped up up and before the girl realised he was not going to stop, he ran the stupid cows foot over. She gave a loud scream and hopped away bawling her eyes out. My Dad, stopped, took off his glasses and said "Next time it will be your f**king head" and drove off.

Your dad's going to end up murdered. Stamped to death by angry chavs. It happens.

Quote: mixmasterfestus @ October 23 2008, 12:40 PM BST

I do, but it's the gesture of sitting there on purpose that pisses me off. Silly old bats.

You do realise that it's just sitting down? It's not (generally) specifically planned to disallow others from having a seat.

Quote: chipolata @ October 23 2008, 12:41 PM BST

Your dad's going to end up murdered. Stamped to death by angry chavs. It happens.

As I said, my Dad is a evil SOB. I've seen fully grown men who look nasty cross the road to avoid him. I have no doubt he can take care of himself!

This is a man who when Paddy Ashdown visited the local school, went right up to him and gobbed on him calling him a tosser.

I think I was left on the doorstep by fairies.

Quote: Aaron @ October 23 2008, 12:43 PM BST

You do realise that it's just sitting down? It's not (generally) specifically planned to disallow others from having a seat.

They hate me.

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